How old were you guys when you first felt wanting to die?

[BurntBridge]

11-12. Always had a feeling that I wouldn't live that long since then and it has fucked up my motivation to do stuff that could make my life better and that makes me wanna die even more.

 

[daley]

7

This was after my an incident where my father hit me, but it was unusual. Normally, when he hit me he was angry and shouting, and I was terrified. This time it was different, it was in the evening before we all went to bed. He called me to his room, and just calmly hit me. I don't remember about what. Probably something mother told him about me.

This unusual calm, meant that I was also calm after he hit me, so I had time to think calmly, and I thought that I don't want anything to do with that man, and I don't want to live anymore.

 

[clementinemelocotón]

Prolly 8 or 9 def in elementary

 

[lightturquoise]

11 i think im 20 now

 

[N3UR0T1C]

Around 8 or 9 honestly.

 

[lostintheloop]

Around 12 i think

 

[Placo]

It happened to me when I was 16 but it only lasted a day, then at 17 I started having serious thoughts about it.

 

[buoy]

American elementary school age. Before 10 I guess.

 

[Not A Fan]

12 (am now 37)

 

[Trismegistus_13]

I was 19 (I'm 26 now). Looking back, i feel really bad for my past self. Sure I wasn't a child or something, but 19 is too young to be going through serious depression like that. I wish i could tell younger me to stay strong and not give in to those thoughts. My younger self deserved that kindness.

 

[wanttodie]

at about 35

 

[hopeurhappylb]

10, I think

 

[RoseGarden]

I don't remember. I just know that i've always wanted it.

 

[pumpkins334234]

I don't mean a random thought of wanting to die or wanting to suicide without fully comprehending it, but when you first genuinely wanted to attempt suicide while fully understanding how unnerving death could be. Personally, my first thought of death was around 10 due to divorced parent and was stuck with an abusive mother, bullying, having to constantly move after the divorce without being able to make friends due to how poor we were(had to move council houses whenever they told us to), etc; but I only fully understood, or atleast understood to a good extent, of what it really meant to kill myself around the time I was 13.

7, i tried to kill myself by jumping off the top bed of my bunk bed over and over again, lmao

 

[tobeornot]

I was about 10

 

[spiralling]

Also around 10. But I thought I should have never been born before that.

 

[ninfanatic]

12. First attempt at 21, I'm 22 now.

 

[Sun_]

17 ,18 More or less

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Truly suicidal? 13 or 14.

Probably was depressed for a few years before that though

 

[ecliptic]

Since I started primary school.

 

[Moniker]

Somewhere around 9 or 10 years old. Teachers and students bullied me. Abusive dad as well. I did these little doodles on sticky notes of people jumping off buildings and stuff. I remember an incident where I nearly stabbed myself with a knife too.

I never really had much clarity about my situation back then though. It used to be because I hated myself a lot, but now I just find the world as a whole to not be worth staying in.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It was around when I was 10. I realised that my life simply isn't worth living. At this age, other kids would be praising adulthood and wishing that they were adults but I didn't do that as I know how miserable adults are. I just hoped to die before I turned 18 but unfortunately that didn't happen

 

[buyersremorse]

i was always pretty unhappy and alienated in childhood lol.
at 14 i attempted, but probably didn't actually want to die until college, around 16.
i think i only became truly suicidal at 17.

 

[Edpal247]

64

 

[dtkdave87]

38

 

[sometimesoon]

My first serious attempt was when I was 15. It's been with me ever since - the thoughts

 

[lawlietsph]

Age 9: "wait a second, I don't enjoy being here on this planet. why do I feel so weird about life? what is this awful feeling in my chest?"

Age 13: "I don't belong here. I hope an illness takes me soon."

Age 17: my first suicide attempt, all I want since then is to stop breathing.

Now I'm 28, being a coward, still hoping for an illness to take me because I'm too scared to order SN. I destroy my body on a daily basis - eating like pure shit on purpose. I have high blood pressure, bunch of problems with my digestion, hormonal stuff, and currently a rash that looks very much like lyme disease, so I'm like "YESSS! This could finally be it! "

sorry for rambling. I just realize sometimes that I never enjoyed life, I don't have a genuinely happy memory and it's extremely sad.