Help How normal is being actively suicidal?

[RosebyAnyName]

I recently shared to one of my close relatives that I was actively planning suicide earlier this year but decided to recover. She is very social and talks to a lot of people as part of her job, and she said that this is normal development for people in their 20s and that everyone is the same deep down.

I don't know... on the one hand I trust her judgemental because she knows a lot of people and is good at understanding others, but I also almost feel a bit dismissed. It reminds me of when I told my parents I had a panic attack, and they also said it was normal and that my mother once had one. Is it though??? Like, would you believe that it's normal for people to actively planned their suicide or have had a panic attack? Like, more than 50% of people?

I'm not sure if people are normally less inclined to talk about it because they already have a social security net in other avenues of their life and don't feel the need to, or being suicidal really is a normal phase of life that society isn'tnor ally willing to talk about, or people just lie because they don't know what to say when I tell them these things.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Like, more than 50% of people?

Hard to say for sure, but my guess is that it's not even close to 50%.

It's normal to have uncommon struggles, though. If you bunch up suicidality with other struggles, it probably over 50%.
I think it might be a good thing to not think of ourselves as too special. We're still human, and somewhat normal people.

 

[Gloomic]

It depends on who you are around and where you are. In some diverse places it's common to come across subtle or openly suicidal or clinically anxious people hanging around in a friend group, seen at work, etc. Whereas in other places it's taboo and not seen as a option to even think or talk about. The way your relative said it was 'normal' may come across as her saying it is a simple phase in life. It may have been misinterpreted, hypothetically she could've meant that it is common enough to understand. Perhaps she wanted you to feel as though you are not alone in your struggles. However, words can be misconstrued which is why they need to be picked out carefully, and whatever actual sentiment she was trying to give didn't land with you. That is not necessarily to the fault of anyone, it just means that there needs to be more thought to the communication and more talking it through to come to a mutual understanding. To be brief, no, being suicidal isn't a phase and not everyone experiences being suicidal. Many people have varied experiences and can share their thoughts of suicidal ideation and attempts, but it's not 'normal' in the sense of it being a developmental stage of maturation in life.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

It depends on who you are around and where you are. In some diverse places it's common to come across subtle or openly suicidal or clinically anxious people hanging around in a friend group, seen at work, etc. Whereas in other places it's taboo and not seen as a option to even think or talk about. The way your relative said it was 'normal' may come across as her saying it is a simple phase in life. It may have been misinterpreted, hypothetically she could've meant that it is common enough to understand. Perhaps she wanted you to feel as though you are not alone in your struggles. However, words can be misconstrued which is why they need to be picked out carefully, and whatever actual sentiment she was trying to give didn't land with you. That is not necessarily to the fault of anyone, it just means that there needs to be more thought to the communication and more talking it through to come to a mutual understanding. To be brief, no, being suicidal isn't a phase and not everyone experiences being suicidal. Many people have varied experiences and can share their thoughts of suicidal ideation and attempts, but it's not 'normal' in the sense of it being a developmental stage of maturation in life.

I think this is what bothered me about what she said, she didn't directly say it was a phase but she kind of implied it. I know she has good intentions and I'm not mad or upset at her specifically, I guess I just feel like people think someone being actively suicidal is the same as just having suicidal ideation.

As someone who mostly had ideation for the longest time and then suddenly started planning seriously, I feel like they're completely different mindsets and not comparable at all. Not to dismiss or downplay anyone's struggles, but I felt like that time frame where I was actively planning and 100% committed to it was mentally traumatizing in a way that just having ideation wasn't. At least, that was my experience. I don't really have a good way of describing it because it was recent and I'm still processing it.

I did a bit of research since making this post, and I believe about 10-15% of the North American population has admitted in anonymous studies to suicidal ideation, but only around 3-4% of the North American population have admitted to attempting (but failed) or active planning (acquiring materials, setting a date, ie. more than just thinking about it).