miseryonearth
Member
- Mar 6, 2025
- 20
I am 30, M from India. I have been unemployed since graduation. I have been lonely always since childhood. I started watching porn when I was 13 and now I have erectile dysfunction and my mother have fixed marriage which I don't want to do. I was once a good student when I was in 10th class. After that I started failing in exams and somehow I completed my graduation in 2019. I never had friends in neighbourhood as I was rich compared to other children. I made friends during online games and wanted to become ecome professional DotA 2 player but couldn't succeed.
My father died in 2017 due to blood cancer and since then I have been contemplating on meaning of life. I read many books about religion and philosophy but wasn't satisfied until I came to know about antinatalism. We humans somehow got consciousness and think we have some purpose. They made theories of afterlife and heaven and hell. It is such a torture to do same mundane tasks everyday. I tried to get some job but couldn't as I have low marks in graduation. My mother suggests me to do some business but I don't want to continue my life. I tried hanging myself in 2022 but failed as rope was longer. I always wanted to run from my home but never understood what to do next.
Now I have decided that I will commit suicide on 28th March as I want to watch some movies and animes before dying. I hope I succeed because I have to die before 25th April as my engagement is fixed. I have watched some videos of hanging but I am not sure how much time it will take to die with full suspension.
My father died in 2017 due to blood cancer and since then I have been contemplating on meaning of life. I read many books about religion and philosophy but wasn't satisfied until I came to know about antinatalism. We humans somehow got consciousness and think we have some purpose. They made theories of afterlife and heaven and hell. It is such a torture to do same mundane tasks everyday. I tried to get some job but couldn't as I have low marks in graduation. My mother suggests me to do some business but I don't want to continue my life. I tried hanging myself in 2022 but failed as rope was longer. I always wanted to run from my home but never understood what to do next.
Now I have decided that I will commit suicide on 28th March as I want to watch some movies and animes before dying. I hope I succeed because I have to die before 25th April as my engagement is fixed. I have watched some videos of hanging but I am not sure how much time it will take to die with full suspension.
