How much more time are you giving yourself?

[Lorntroubles]

I am giving myself time to sort through how I really feel and get the plan perfected to the most minute details. I have been diligently researching. Not too long ago, I thought that I could do drowning. Even if it will hurt like people say, one last hurt will be fine. Then I thought some more and came to the conclusion that would be pretty dumb of me. I have nowhere to go with a little canoe or whatever that won't cause suspicion, I can't swim to even try to surround myself by deep water, so unless someone drops me off in the middle of the ocean, that plan is pretty much toast. I have a method in mind, however. I constantly say to myself, "you don't have much time. There's no hope."

I'm so tired of people saying I am so strong. I'm so tired of people telling me I'm the strongest person they know. I had no choice in the tragic events that happened to me. Does having to go through unimaginable things automatically gets you a strength pass? Right after people find out, they tell me I'm so strong. Yet they don't know what's my mind frame like, the thought processes everyday, and how I cope. There's this saying that quitters aren't the ones to look up to and I want to quit on life. How is that inspiring?

 

[WhyIsLife56]

No one was asked to be born.

I wasn't asked to be born. So ending my own life is inspiration for me, as it means I can quit a life that I didn't even ask for.
That's inspiration enough for me ❤

I plan on leaving soon. Just doing some organizing and planning done.

 

[squirtsoda]

I'm giving all my loved ones time from my last attempt, the hospital was hours away from harvesting my organs when my brain started to show signs of life. Everyone had started the grieving process and it's all still so raw, I don't have it in my heart to do it to them again so soon. They haven't hurt me with the exception of a few. Everyone keeps telling me how much of a miracle I am and it pisses me off because of how hard I tried to do everything right for my CTB plan. So close. I feel a good 6 months might fit. Like they say it takes 6 months to be proficient at any job, to get used to any new skill. I need people to have their guard down again too. Still in suicide watch, can't get away with not answering the phone.

But yeah, I can relate to you. People telling you you're so strong. Same here. How I've recovered from basically dying, or the events before I tried CTBing, it that I'm such a miracle. It just bloody infuriated me.

 

[Flippy]

I keep giving myself 6 months then a year then back to 6 months again. I think it's a deal I have to make with myself, that it's on the horizon but I don't have to ctb right now. I think it's partially because I don't want to be miserable when it happens, if it happens, I feel so conflicted at times.

 

[Egddios]

I have till March 31st, so anytime between now and then. Sort of on topic, my SN has arrived safe and sound.

 

[Broken Chimera]

After I get the last pieces in place, I'll be ready. Ik it won't be longer after that.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Probably in April. I have everything required for the SN method and at this point, it is either I do it or I don't. I have devoted enough time processing this already.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Months or maybe a year. Things are too complicated for me to ctb. My mom told me she started going to therapy because she doesn't feel good knowing I'm suicidal. That broke me. I'm feeling so bad.. Things are worse than before. I don't know what to do sometimes I wish I didn't exist. I feel so bad for her..

 

[TAW122]

I don't have a set time frame, but I would at least give myself half a year from now, which should be more than ample time for me to get things I plan to do before I CTB. However, if there is a sudden turn for the worst, like a serious life changing event leading to instability and/or serious catalyst, then it could be sooner.

 

[Dwnwrdsprl]

I don't know, pieces of the plan (outside my control) keep falling apart. I really don't want to see February.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I don't know, pieces of the plan (outside my control) keep falling apart. I really don't want to see February.

Hang in there. I know the feeling. It will come together in time.

 

[Time]

I'd say another week or so. Although I've been saying that for a couple months now, affairs are (albeit slowly) getting in order, so...

 

[porfin1234]

Slowly acquiring things and trying to pick up pieces of mess I've made but I need the option readily available. Not sure if I ever can actually do it but when life is scarier than death it will be time.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I agreed to go see a therapist. Both shrink and talk one. My wife is very concerned for me but she doesn't realize how close I was last week to ctb. So I'm going. Not happy about it but I'll try. She begged me to go.

 

[Lorntroubles]

I'd say another week or so. Although I've been saying that for a couple months now, affairs are (albeit slowly) getting in order, so...

How is that making you feel that the ctb date is moving closer? How have you mentally prepped?

 

[mesohappy]

Tying up loose ends and preparing.Ill be gone before feb.1.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

as soon as i get my materials. Another week or so - we'll see.

 

[Time]

How is that making you feel that the ctb date is moving closer? How have you mentally prepped?

I've been dealing with more anxiety & fear, overshadowing the feelings of relief. Realizing that my life, all I've known (however shitty it has mostly been) for almost 40 years, will end. I realize that it's the right decision but still... As far as mentally preparing, I guess just combating the fears & doubts with logic. And gathering information here from other member's feedback & experiences. It's not an easy decision but, it's for the best.

 

[hershberger]

I'm trying to give myself another chance to get things together one last time. I feel like I owe it to my family to give the world one last shot before I ctb.

 

[Zoltiel]

4 more days if my supplies arrive this week

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I am a bit paraniod about posting exact date yet but its less than one month. My bus will leave before the end of Feb for sure!
Me too I gave myself just enough time to tie up all remaining loose ends.... then POOF gone.

 

[Darkbrett]

Maybe soon. On top of everything else I now lost my income. And being hungry most of the time is adding to the other problems I have.

 

[lizinha]

deadline should be end of Feb or somewhere around March.

 

[mattwitt]

I stopped setting dates or time frames for myself. I am as prepared as I will ever get. Just waiting to be pushed over the edge by someone or something.

 

[Sensei]

If my life miraculously would change for the better, a few decades. If not, somewhere between one day and 3.5 years.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I originally had my date on the 20th of January this year, but it's come and gone. Now it's just a case of sooner rather than later.

 

[Mr2005]

If I give myself five years I'll want to kill myself by 2025 anyway. That's what we're looking towards now. Except me. I'm just looking back at 2005. I don't care what's coming I only care what's gone so there's really no point carrying on

 

[Ange_Fatigue]

I give surgery one last chance to fix me up. I cannot live like that because it cause me such suffering.
Maybe this summer if surgery fails again. I asked myself what do you want to experience before leaving, and nothing came into my mind.

 

[BabyYoda]

I'll give myself my whole college life to think on what I really want to do in the future, which is more than enough. Hard choosing between a career and CTB, noh?

 

[Cutepoison]

2 weeks - 1 month. Most likely 2 weeks