• Hey Guest,

    An update on the OFCOM situation: As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. OFCOM, the UK’s communications regulator, has singled out our community, demanding compliance with their Online Safety Act despite our minimal UK presence. This is a blatant overreach, and they have been sending letters pressuring us to comply with their censorship agenda.

    Our platform is already blocked by many UK ISPs, yet they continue their attempts to stifle free speech. Standing up to this kind of regulatory overreach requires lots of resources to maintain our infrastructure and fight back against these unjust demands. If you value our community and want to support us during this time, we would greatly appreciate any and all donations.

    Read more about the situation here: Click to View Post

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
bridgegirl

bridgegirl

life on the edge, I guess
Oct 16, 2023
138
Probably almost constantly. Not even in major "making serious and immediate plans" kind of ways, just fleeting little urges and imaginings.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: SoulWhisperer, experimentee, haibane and 8 others
iloveeetreeeess1

iloveeetreeeess1

Member
Sep 18, 2023
47
I think about CTB everyday when I wake up (sounds crazy ik) but in a day usually about 1-4 times a day in these last few months.
 
ve.nin

ve.nin

Text
Nov 17, 2023
212
Probably almost constantly. Not even in major "making serious and immediate plans" kind of ways, just fleeting little urges and imaginings.
So relatable but also w plans for me
I think about CTB everyday when I wake up (sounds crazy ik) but in a day usually about 1-4 times a day in these last few months.
It doesn't 🫂 it's understandable if you wake up feeling like shit❤️
 
  • Like
Reactions: bridgegirl
justcallmeJ

justcallmeJ

<3
Nov 9, 2023
418
Its different for each day. Sometimes there can be days I am happy, with few negative thoughts. But most days its cbt and sh urges spinning in my head constantly.
 
P

princejohnny

Member
Oct 31, 2023
30
I think about it constantly. I run through scenarios in my head like a movie on repeat. I visualize every step, every decision, every moment to prepare for the real thing. I easily slip into daydreams like these at work all day since work is so mindless.
 
  • Like
Reactions: annointed_towers
M

mrelief82

Broken to 1000 pcs
Nov 23, 2023
152
All the time , i cant function and be in myself.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
41,478
I'm always wishing to be gone as only the peace of an eternal and dreamless sleep appeals to me with all forgotten about and all future suffering prevented. I'd always prefer to die as existence is so futile and cruel with no limit as to how much one can suffer. Wishing to cease existing is all that makes sense to me and feels rational, existence itself is the true problem and death is the solution.
 
  • Like
Reactions: livinginhellnation, haibane and shiny_quill
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Do what's best for you 🕯️ I'm............
Jul 1, 2020
7,034
24/7
bpd = chronic suicidality
yay me!
 
  • Like
Reactions: haibane and bridgegirl
Darkover

Darkover

Archangel
Jul 29, 2021
5,211
so much that makes my blood boil 7 years everyday of constant throughts of wanting to die
 
Y

Yaffle

Life’s a bitch
Nov 9, 2023
398
Pretty much when my mind isn't actively occupied I'm thinking CTB. It's relentless
 
  • Like
Reactions: experimentee and liffey
L

Ligottian

Paragon
Dec 19, 2021
938
Probably almost constantly. Not even in major "making serious and immediate plans" kind of ways, just fleeting little urges and imaginings.
Your post could be my own without changing a word.
 
  • Love
Reactions: bridgegirl
アホペンギン

アホペンギン

Jul 10, 2023
2,199
All day unless there's a distraction.
 
  • Like
Reactions: haibane, liffey and 青い青い海となれ
bridgegirl

bridgegirl

life on the edge, I guess
Oct 16, 2023
138
So relatable but also w plans for me

It doesn't 🫂 it's understandable if you wake up feeling like shit❤️
Oh, with plans too, for sure. But when it's not solid plans, it's still just.. always there.
Your post could be my own without changing a word.
It's a rough place to be, isn't it? I'm sorry you have to go through that too.
 
青い青い海となれ

青い青い海となれ

Member
Apr 23, 2022
19
Every moment of the day, in my case it's a torture, as one of the reasons (now the biggest one) is my brother death by instigated suicide, so it makes me feel even more desperate, it's like a neverending torture
 
sleepy10

sleepy10

Member
Nov 24, 2023
38
basically from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep every night i get tired i think to myself maybe this will be it maybe it'll all be over and then i wake up again.
 
WeDontKnowTheFuture

WeDontKnowTheFuture

Empty and exhausted
Feb 3, 2023
218
I think about it constantly from the moment i wake up until the moment i go to sleep. It wasn't like that 6month ago, it was a few times per day but now i'm a complete no life with no purpose and activity so it has turned like that.
 
O

Orange Cat

Student
Oct 19, 2023
142
I think about it all day long from the moment I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night,. It's gotten so bad sometimes I have dreams where I ctb.
 
DEATH IS FREEDOM

DEATH IS FREEDOM

Death is the solution to unsolvable problems.
Sep 13, 2023
607
Thinking about death - almost all the time - especially during the full moon.
 
funguy

funguy

🍄
Nov 22, 2023
14
I think about it every day. It's mostly during the night since I do everything i can to distract myself during the day.
 
haibane

haibane

Reki
Sep 27, 2023
257
I think about ctb all day, i cant stop thinking about it. Its almost like an obsession at this point
 
Agon321

Agon321

I use google translate
Aug 21, 2023
1,580
Not much lately. This is because I want to commit CTB in December/January, so I want to enjoy the last moments :)
 
SoulWhisperer

SoulWhisperer

Severe Medical Phobia « MtF »
Nov 13, 2023
456
Kinda daily, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I cannot avoid to think about it at least once, it's like a constant thought in my mind now, that inhabits my brain and slowly tears my emotions apart...
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
11,122
Lots and lots. I have work stuff I have to do and the whole daily grind of living but it's pretty much a constant background thought. I must think about it at least a few times each hour.
 
K

KafkaF

Taking a break from the website.
Nov 18, 2023
450
I don't think I stop thinking about it for the most part. It's pretty much constantly on my mind. It's more about how bad it is.

Sometimes I just think about it and try to come to terms with it and try to plan it in the future, wishing I didn't have to do it. Other times I'm in so much pain that I want to end it right in that moment because I can barely take it. In those moments it takes all of my effort not to try to end things then and there. I don't try then because I don't have the proper method at hand yet and I want to do it right.
 
N

nptg5

Member
Aug 30, 2023
37
for me, most days go like this:

in the morning, i wake up, and wish i were dead. i am pissed off that i'm still alive. eventually i get out of bed.

i drink a lot of coffee and tea, and i feel OK for a few hours.

later in the afternoon, and early night, i feel miserable, lonely, wishing i were dead. sometimes i will just pace around my apartment in nervous anxiety. sometimes i'll lie in bed in deep depression.

once it gets late enough, i will take a shower, and get ready for bed. i'll get high, and usually feel pretty good for a few hours, watching TV or youtube or whatever.

eventually, as the high begins wearing down, i take some melatonin to help fall asleep quickly, and just pray that i won't wake up in the morning. every night, i think it would be just totally perfect if i could fall asleep and die. the high feels good, i'm calm lying in bed watching TV/youtube... it's a nice moment, and i just want it to be my last moment.

sadly... still here..
 
deadtrace

deadtrace

Member
Aug 7, 2023
80
Usually fleeting urges and thoughts throughout the entire day. Right now the thoughts are a lot more active and hard to avoid seen as I've been ill and bedridden for weeks now and can't distract myself anymore.