How many years it has been since you have wanted to kill yourself? And how many and what all attempts you have made since then?

[WFJ74]

One attempt at 19. Was "saved" so it was a failure. I'm 46 now and have SN ready so I suppose I've been suicidal on and off for all those years in between. Been planning for a few months now, have all my stuff in order so I can go pretty much whenever I'm ready.

 

[greyback330]

3 years
three times (2 carbon monoxide, 1 partial suspension)
now i got my SN and i feel comfortable.

 

[Neowise]

The first time I talked about killing myself was when I was 8 or 9. I probably didn't fully realize what I was saying but the thoughts were there. Now I am 25, but interestingly I have never made any attempts.
I'm a person that can't truly hate. Even though I hate my life I don't hate it enough to ctb, no matter what happens.

 

[sweater]

I have been wanting to kill myself since I was probably about 13. I am 30 now. I have made 2 solid attempts in my life (blood loss) and came very close to using a gun for my latest attempt. I was hospitalized for a bit and was forced to do an outpatient program for a month afterward. That was December 2019.
Every day I wish I had gone through with it and succeeded, but I was too afraid of a failure that would leave me alive but brain dead.
I haven't made an attempt since but the thoughts never leave me.
I'm in the process of obtaining SN with no set date that I plan on making an attempt. But I'd really love to ctb relatively soon.

 

[Noriv159]

I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. But I only began to want to enact that desire six years ago when things became too heavy in my life. Ever since then it's just been a chain of disasters further enforcing the desire to take my life. I've had several attempts but failed being very impulsive and having unrealistic measures. But I've learned from them and looking back I do feel kinda silly.

 

[UiopQwerty]

A little more than 2 years- From the end of december 2018 until today.

 

[Eatyourveggies12]

2 years since my suicide ideation started.

Attempted once about a year ago with my antidepressants and alcohol as a cry for help,to my surprise family did nothing but guilt trip me. That was the day I realized how alone i am.
Next attempt will be with partial,i will not fail that.

 

[noname223]

9 years. And I am so full of it. I am so obsessed by killing myself especially the last 3 years. My goal is if I try to ctb I hope to succeed. I tried partial but not really seriously and I was standing at a balcony in the seventh floor. Both were not really seriously. Partial hurt a lot I did it probably wrong. I imagined it to be more peaceful. And the seventh floor is not high enough. I am glad I did not go for these methods because the lack of information.

 

[Emilia1012]

For me its been only 3 months actually

 

[Shadowgeist]

I have only been suicidal for the last couple of months. Tried to kill myself 4 weeks ago by stabbing myself multiple times in the abdomen with a large kitchen knife. Not a great idea. Now I have SN and the means to do it the right way. Hopefully peace will come soon

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't know how many years exactly, when I was a young teenager I started to have some thoughts about ctb. It has gotten worse as I have gotten older. I'm not sure I've ever really wanted to be alive honestly. I have never had a proper attempt, I did wrap a cord around my neck one time but I didn't really know what I was doing. I guess ctb is hard.

 

[singsreignrebuilder]

Probably over 5 years now, looks so little written out but feels like forever. No attempts as I wouldn't have survived them.

 

[Scribble Fan]

7 years. I've messed around with partial suspension a lot but I've never been able to find the sweet spot. Gave up on that. Now I'm just waiting to buy SN.

 

[EraseRewind]

40+ years, 3 attempts, first attempt when I was 18, then drank for many years and could keep it at bay last attempt when I was 45. I've managed to keep it together but I now have a couple of methods in the cupboard just in case.

 

[Wrennie]

I was passively suicidal at 10 years old, moderately suicidal throughout my teens, and finally became actively suicidal at 23.

 

[Squalo]

I have wanted to die since I was 13, but I only started attempting suicide at 20; I tried 6 times by hanging, very rarely because I am very slow to plan.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Pretty sure that makes 5 years. As for attempts, none. I'm dead set on perfecting a method.

 

[Eire1992]

It's something that I've been dealing with for nearly 15 or so years now. I was around 15 years old when the thoughts started. I had been self harming for quite some time already at that point. The first attempt I made was, in all honesty, never going to work. I took an OD of some prescription stuff I had and tried to slash both my wrists. I had no idea how ineffective that method was. Especially since I started on my left and sort of fucked up the tendon (mostly normal usage now), so I couldn't hold the blade to do the right one. But ye, it was never going to work anyway, I had no idea where the artery was, so all I really accomplished was giving myself some scars. The second time what failed me was that it wasn't planned. It's odd, I was standing in a nightclub with a few friends listening to a band and I just put down my drink and walked out without saying a word. Went to the river and climbed over the railing. Unfortunately, it was a Saturday night and the river where I live is a "popular" spot, so it's patrolled on Friday and Saturday nights. I was seen and before I knew it I was being hauled back in over the railing by police who rather "insisted" that I take a little trip to the ER/A&E. As a method, it would have worked, but I was an idiot about how I went about it.

Currently, I have plans in the works, I have everything I need except SN. Funnily enough the anti-emetic etc.. was easier to get where I live than the bloody SN is proving to be.

 

[Bullit]

Two years and four months!! Its been pure shit. I don't know how long I can do this.

 

[Largeletters]

8 years. Countless attempts, at least twenty, the methods being attempted overdoses, hangings, cuttings, and high heights (never jumped- stood at the ledge and couldn't do it).

 

[dimaxim]

The earliest i can remember of thinking about ctb was 13-14 so about 5 years ago. I do remember mentioning being dead a lot as a child though.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

It's been a year, one failed attempt.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm considering CTB - on and off - since 5-6 years (passive), active suicidal with ready method since 1/2 year (since I opened my account here).

I don't think this counts as an attempt, getting the stuff together (CO-method) and sitting besides it but not doing anything else. That's the closest I was to attempting.

 

[Lost Dreamer]

Attempted it, huh? Well that depends on how far i'd need to go for it to count as much but there was a point like that once in my life, you know, cold water, sullen, teary eyes and a brand new razor in my hand, a cowards hand.
As for when I realized I didn't really wanna be 'this guy'? I can't quite tell, its been with me so long that its became second nature, something as normal as breathing, I can't quite tell when I've taken my first breath either but I can give a good guess. Must have been somewhere between where my family broke apart and anywhere after the repressed memories of every single time i've been bullied and made fun of, couldn't really handle violence well and yet it always found its way to me somehow.