How many people here want to truly CTB?

[Sensei]

I have a dual view on this and I think this goes for many members. I want to die. I'm very tired and it would be a relief to not have to worry anymore. However, I also want to live. There are much left to explore in the world and there may be many good days ahead. My suicide will be a pre-emptive strike, so unless I give in to a suicidal impulse, I can wait some more and see if things change for the better, however bad the odds.

 

[AnthonyFrank]

I can't help but feel like my life is in someone else's hands almost constantly. So when I have to go, I go.

I guess the question is do you want to go?

 

[whereispeace]

I don't want to CTB, I just want to find peace. And I don't think I will ever find it in this life.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

I don't want to, I have to

 

[Jen0804]

At first I didn't want to, I felt it wasfor the best

Now, I want it more than ever

 

[Cutepoison]

I want to, a lot, it's all i think about, and i just need the method to be bulletproof

 

[LMLN]

I want to. I feel I no longer can find anything to keep living for.

 

[Donk]

im waiting until ive reach my breaking point. im so mentally and physically tire of living. i think about ctb quite often. ive been taking antidepressants and benzo for too long and i think prolong usage of meds has messed up my brain.

 

[Clut]

I'd definitely be up for staying if I could see a way to improve things but it doesn't seem like there is one. This whole lockdown thing has cemented my decision, I'm on my own and always will be. I don't think I'll ctb during lockdown due to the added pressure on the NHS and police but when things become more normal I think ctb is right for me. I'm alone, this situation has more than proved it.