how many of you have a significant other?

[SNOB]

hi,

im interested to know how many of you have an SO? and if yes is that the reason you are holding off CTB assuming you are?


(:

 

[faust]

I had, but decided to break up and CTB. Let her remember me as a traitor rather than a bf who killed himself.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Single here. And not wanting to ctb. But thought about this question before. For me, if i really love this person it would make a difference. Having someone to live for is a beautiful thing.

Again, this is what i believe.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm suicidal and so is my partner! She's also a member here. Maybe we both die, maybe only one of us does, but hopefully we both live! Part of the fun in life is not knowing.

 

[Smashingairwaves]

I do. We've been together for nearly 4 years now.

I'm still going through with suicide eventually, and they aren't a reason to stop, no one is

 

[Weightoftheworld]

Somewhat, we have a thing. We're both pretty fucked up in the head, he has ptsd from the military. We both care though and its a complicated mess but it's our mess.
It does not deter me from wanting to CTB and I've decided if we're still seeing each other when I do, then my last text will be to him to simply say, 'This has nothing to do with you' so he doesn't feel any type of guilt. I do worry about him though with his issues and leaving me to CTB.

 

[Serenity]

Broke up with my ex because I believed I was too fucked up for him, regretted it terribly afterward but maybe it was for the best. Hopefully it won't hurt him as much when I end it now. Breaking up with him made me feel more inclined to CTB, so I do believe that he was a big reason I hadn't CTBed yet when I was dating him. Guess I had a distraction from the mess that my life was.

I had, but decided to break up and CTB. Let her remember me as a traitor rather than a bf who killed himself.

I completely get this, I feel like by making someone hate you, you are saving them from having to experience more grief.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I do. We were in the process of blending our family of 5 kids under the age of 10 when I got physically very sick. It was a real love story - two people with failed marriages that were perfect for each other and really healing the family coming together. I got VERY ill and he has stayed with me, now going between our two houses helping me with my kids and caring for his own and doing the best we can. We would be getting married this year. Instead, he has become my caretaker and a rock for my children. However, because he sees my everyday existence, he knows that I can not stay. I can not live. The pain and disability is far beyond tolerable. I can't say enough about this man who has remained with me while I've become so ill and physically gone from attractive to very much not, in bed, offering nothing of benefit. He will be with me for ctb whether at home or euthanasia in Switzerland. He will take care of my belongings and wishes for the children for the next decade of their lives as much as he can (of course their Dad may create a lot of space). It's an incredible loss to me, him, our children. We were making a nice life for all of us. They will not only lose me but him and his kids. My kids need him (and me) so much.

 

[nitrogen]

Been married to my husband for 4 yrs. Dated 7 yrs prior to that. It was love at first sight at our college new student orientation. He's also my soul mate and bestie.

Now I'm depressed and suicidal, he's taking up all the burden. He's the breadwinner of the family, cradles me in his arms when I cry, sings to me when I can't fall asleep, handles the baby's tantrums at night so I can sleep in, takes me out for dinner or brings home takeout when I don't want to cook.

I feel that my dysfunctionality and negativity isn't fair to him, but I can't help it. I suppose I'm lucky to find him but he's unlucky to find me. Perhaps one day he'll stop loving me and dump me, which I'm ok with, it'll be one less person to trap me in this world.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I do. We were in the process of blending our family of 5 kids under the age of 10 when I got physically very sick. It was a real love story - two people with failed marriages that were perfect for each other and really healing the family coming together. I got VERY ill and he has stayed with me, now going between our two houses helping me with my kids and caring for his own and doing the best we can. We would be getting married this year. Instead, he has become my caretaker and a rock for my children. However, because he sees my everyday existence, he know that I can not stay. I can not live. The pain and disability is far beyond tolerable. I can't say enough about this man who has remained with me while I've become so ill and physically gone from attractive to very much not, in bed, offering nothing of benefit. He will be with me for ctb whether at home or euthanasia in Switzerland. He will take care of my belongings and wishes for the children for the next decade of their lives as much as he can (of course their Dad may create a lot of space). It's an incredible loss to me, him, our children. We were making a nice life for all of us. They will not only lose me but him and his kids. My kids need him (and me) so much.

He even still tries to marry me and get us all in one house together. Amazing. I won't do that to him or his children. One of the benefits to my ctb will be to free him to move on, though he can't see it that way. He deserves a life, he's lost his in this mess.

 

[lymestolemylife]

hi,

im interested to know how many of you have an SO? and if yes is that the reason you are holding off CTB assuming you are?


(:

I do but i've held off for him for years now it's gotten so bad with my health torturing me he knows I can't go on much longer.

I do. We were in the process of blending our family of 5 kids under the age of 10 when I got physically very sick. It was a real love story - two people with failed marriages that were perfect for each other and really healing the family coming together. I got VERY ill and he has stayed with me, now going between our two houses helping me with my kids and caring for his own and doing the best we can. We would be getting married this year. Instead, he has become my caretaker and a rock for my children. However, because he sees my everyday existence, he know that I can not stay. I can not live. The pain and disability is far beyond tolerable. I can't say enough about this man who has remained with me while I've become so ill and physically gone from attractive to very much not, in bed, offering nothing of benefit. He will be with me for ctb whether at home or euthanasia in Switzerland. He will take care of my belongings and wishes for the children for the next decade of their lives as much as he can (of course their Dad may create a lot of space). It's an incredible loss to me, him, our children. We were making a nice life for all of us. They will not only lose me but him and his kids. My kids need him (and me) so much.

This is my story, my husband is amazing and i'm not as beautiful anymore my illness is ravaging me but he takes care of me and everything, gives me daily massages to help the pain.

 

[Swoods]

I have been married for 20 years. Her being with me has no bearing on me wanting to ctb or not. It will not stop me nor is it the reason behind it.

 

[sorry]

i have a gf, we've been together for about 5 months. probably going to break up with her soon so i don't feel as guilty when i ctb. she doesn't know i'm suicidal but i've had to talk to her about my BPD and she has seen my sh scars.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

I had a girlfriend around the time I joined the forum. She emotionally cheated on me during the month of October. Received the whole spheal of "it wasn't working out..." yet it was apparent with distancing she was talking with another man at her work. Breaking up with your ex should always be on your own terms -- emotionally cheating behind their back then claiming it "wasn't working out" is awful.

 

[randomz]

I do, and she's been going through hell with my mental problems for the past couple of months. I don't even dare to imagine how she would feel if I CTB, especially since she already stopped one of my impulsive and rash attempts. So yes, she is stopping my decision to CTB.

 

[MotherOfCats]

I have a fiancé of 10 years, we met at university before I was ill. We lived 200 miles away from either of our families at the time I had my first mental breakdown. It must have been so scary for him as I was completely catatonic, but he looked after me. We moved closer to my parents after that (sadly further from his) for the support and things only got worse. But he's stayed with me throughout all of this ugliness, even proposed during it. I don't deserve him and I know he'd be better without me but I can't break up with him to ctb. I just can't. So it'll be him who finds me and him who suffers again. I just wish it was different.

 

[PeachBlossoms2310]

Had, that's why I'm suicidal.

 

[GiveUp]

Had, that's why I'm suicidal.

Same.

 

[watereyes]

I have a boyfriend. He's on this site aswell. He knows about my desire to ctb. It sounds like he accepts that decision, which is very brave. I'm ashamed for what I'm going to do. But as they say love is about letting go..

 

[MotherOfCats]

I have a boyfriend. He's on this site aswell. He knows about my desire to ctb. It sounds like he accepts that decision, which is very brave. I'm ashamed for what I'm going to do. But as they say love is about letting go..

Wow, I wish more than anything that I could confide in my other half. It would make this whole process much less lonely.

 

[tom90]

Of course not. I'm too ugly hahaha

 

[BPD Barbie]

I have an SO, have done for a few years. I'm incredibly private and rarely talk about him. He's probably part of the reason I feel the way I do, he's a huge contributing factor and having BPD and Bipolar don't help either. He doesn't keep me alive. I keep myself alive.

 

[mothdust9]

I have an amazing boyfriend who I've been with since 2014. He's been by my side through all the trials that come along with Ehlers Danlos syndrome and now breast cancer, too. I just hope he can understand that I just can't take the physical pain anymore and once I've left this world he can at least be happy my suffering is over. My life has come to the point that I'm close to bed ridden now.

 

[Mr2005]

Yes and it's hard for those who don't to have sympathy for us

 

[Donk]

been married for 10 yrs. its really hard to ctb when you have a SO. im grateful that she accepts me for who i am. there are times i want to fight for her even tho i lm living in perpetual misery. however part of me wants this to end so i can find peace. whats the point of living when you are already dead inside.

 

[darkhorse256]

I have a bf. I'm literally only keeping myself alive because of him and even he admits that he trapped me here. I'm waiting for the day I can fulfil my promise to him so I can CTB without any regrets.

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

Had an SO. She was great. Really connected well with her. She was the only person in the whole world who I had told about my depression. I really worked hard to make it work. We were going great, and then all of a sudden she came to me and said she wasn't attracted to me in "that way" anymore... She even said I was a wonderful caring BF... Yet she just gave up. I don't know if I have the power to trust anyone again...

 

[Taki]

Not me, a complete disaster at relationships.

 

[madbananas]

Not me. Never been in a relationship. I'm always used then rejected and abandoned by the people I fall for and the people who seem to like me I don't like back in a romantic way. I struggle with genuine human connection. It's been a curse and a huge reason why I want to ctb.

 

[Arrow]

i personally do not, and don't plan on having one in the future.