I'm alone. I spent most of my life trying to connect and failed miserably. Being drunk most of the time probably didn't help. Now I'm alone and I'm used to it. I'd have it otherwise if I could but I'm realistic and don't really care that much anymore. I always found the best relationships I had with members of the opposite sex were as friends with chemistry.
itsamadworld
i wanna die somewhere like up there
- Mar 15, 2020
- 410
I have my ex-boyfriend that I hang around with. We broke up almost 2 years ago- We were together 2 years too....I'm the type that needs alone time, and sometimes he wants me to go with him everywhere....I just cannot. Eventually, I will have a meltdown to where I can not keep up the same levels of social interactions as him. Moreover, he can be kind of ADHD, and leave messes, of which I end up cleaning up, because I am comforted by order over chaos. He doesn't always see that. Hence, why he's my ex...
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autumnal
Enlightened
- Feb 4, 2020
- 1,950
Had but then there were people who wanted to separate and were successful. And then came downfall. A healthy, hardworking man today bed ridden for trusting someone dearly. 
Loner
Member
- Jun 16, 2019
- 76
My husband is the reason I am still alive. We love each other more than anything in this world...
ConfusedNickYung
Member
- Apr 25, 2020
- 17
She broke up with me a few months ago so now I'm ready to go.
I understand your feelings and unaware of complete situation but why would you prefer to end up just because someone broke up? You can always find someone better hereafter. Throwing up life for someone who doesn't care is not worth it. Think about your family, friends and people who value you. Please reconsider.
I'm all alone. I always thought I'd get around to meeting a nice guy and it never happened.
At least you get people who are attracted to you. That's a blessing. I used to be in exactly the same position years ago & used to be pretty good at connecting with people.
Ok, always had issues being "the nice guy" when it came to women, but I had a few relationships - even after my head injury 20 years ago.
But in recent years, I've developed various MH issues become & realise only now that I've "de-matured" and regressed to having the social/emotional maturity of someone half my age. (I'll be 47 this year.)
I talk to my brother who's 4 years younger, and feel intimidated because he has the kind of mature outlook & perspective someone in their mid-40s *should* have, whereas I don't. No woman wants to be w/ a guy who fails on all levels to be a man.
Christ, these few lines have taken soooooo fucking long to write because I can rarely focus on/remember exactly what I want to say and/or can't find/recall the words I want to use.
Myforevercharlie
Global Mod
- Feb 13, 2020
- 3,092
Not sure if that's a good idea from my experience, but it might be because I'm naive and can't really relate to people.
It's awful to be completely isolated but even worse to trust someone and be deceived and backstabbed later.
I understand your concern, the behavior of people do affect. But there is a saying, "there are only two ways to live your life, let things happen the way they happen or take responsibility to change it". Point is, why expecting from people that they would be nice in the first place at all? You go with an approach to satisfy your own need rather than satisfying other people's need. Deceiving, backstabbing is nature of human, just assume it and then make your strategy or approach. You cannot trust people online easily though irrespective of the fact however sweet they present themselves. Sometimes you wont get platter at hand, you need to get up and prepare one for yourself. You cant stop living your life fully just because there are people who deceive you. (like you cant stop boarding pubic transport just for the fear of pickpocket)
Love yourself, be mean, you start to take advantage rather than people take advantage of you. If you are worried to confront, go to gym or boxing center ask people to confront you at once so you lose fear of being confronted. Try try and satisfied that you tried rather than being alone or dying in seclusion. I am not a pro lifer not an advocate of S, but one should exhaust all options, live and die with dignity.
On a very personal note, I've been deceived and backstabbed from everyone including people who I help stand up and be something in life. It didnt affected me. But then there was someone so dear who backstabbed and it affected me and today I lost everything. I've realized I exhausted all options and very very bad health condition as a result. Why I landed in this situation, coz it was my mistake I trusted someone knowing of human nature that looking at money it changes. I can blame others but then its not going to solve the problem at hand. Shit happens, mistakes do happen. All i have at hand is sufferings and learning.
Yeah, I understand that, it's just that I've made it as far as I could and did the best I was able to. Even filtering and trying to look for the right kind of people didn't work out before it became too much for me.
Do not get dissappointed. If you are fine with health, got a job at hand to earn and fulfill your needs, I see no reason to be considering yourself like this. World is a cruel place. Nobody cares for anyone here. You or me would be forgotten once we are out of this world. Be open, be expressive. PM me or anyone here if someone can be helpful. But please please understand, things works here at collective conscious level. We cannot expect it to work and behave like we want. Instead we prepare ourselves and adapt to it. Another fact, you can easily fight off with the world, its get diffcult to fight with oneself and this is where we loose the battle.
I got nothing of that haha. I thank you for concern, though.
ConfusedNickYung
Member
- Apr 25, 2020
- 17
Thank you for your concern, what I really mean was that she was the only reason left I had to stay in this world, but now she's gone, I realize that I have nothing else to lose so I'm mentally ready. As for my family, they probably think its better if I was dead anyway. I have given this whole thing a lot of time to think it over for over 5 years now. And I'm ready.
Bro, respect your decision. But please reconsider one last time as you have nothing to lose. There is lot to do, atleast in her memory, something amazing (like the flick 'Up' (2009)). :)
NothingElseMatters
Warlock
- Mar 30, 2020
- 745
Wish I had someone, I wouldn't be so fucked up as I am right now. Ctb is all that I've got.
Meena
Student
- Jun 7, 2018
- 138
I am divorced. He left me because he couldn't deal with my bipolar disorder. I envy all the people here who have supportive partners. It is a blessing
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
I seem to have been damaged somewhere early on, so I could never trust a woman enough to be intimate with her. There was always a paralysis at some point, even though in my (late) adolescence there were enough opportunities to do so.
It's not a woman thing; the older I get, the more I develop schizoid tendencies (although I feel the lack of connection, I still don't crave it).
It's not a woman thing; the older I get, the more I develop schizoid tendencies (although I feel the lack of connection, I still don't crave it).
Evermore
Member
- Apr 20, 2020
- 61
I have an SO though I don't think being in a relationship has helped me very much , it just adds a whole load of other things to worry about. It's quite hard to enjoy having someone when you think you never deserved to have them in the first place . He is part of the reason why I haven't ctb , my family would be the main reason though.
BeeLoyal
Is Existence Just A Test?
- Apr 27, 2020
- 105
My former SO is one of the reasons I am wanting to ctb. Not to make her feel guilty or anything, just because I can't live with what she has done.
Outsider
deep in darkness
- Apr 1, 2020
- 62
I think about leaving her before ending. Gonna be hard because she is the reason im still alive
Deleted member 10475
Tired.
- Sep 11, 2019
- 87
I've been seeing someone, I guess? We've said we're together but something doesn't feel "final"? I can't tell if I'm being toyed with or not.
He deals with depression too, and disappears for days, not reading my messages. I try to be understanding because I know how he feels and I've done the same to other people when I just want to be alone, but it hurts sometimes. I've always been there for him but when I say I need someone to talk to, he still ignores me.
He deals with depression too, and disappears for days, not reading my messages. I try to be understanding because I know how he feels and I've done the same to other people when I just want to be alone, but it hurts sometimes. I've always been there for him but when I say I need someone to talk to, he still ignores me.
WinterFaust
Shimmer
- Apr 13, 2020
- 412
This. I was engaged but we were together for some time before the manic episode was too much. I can't help but blame myself in my case but it certainly opened up some serious abandonment issues that I had no idea were there. I also envy all those who have supportive partners. I'm sorry you've gone through this.
Negrathecat
Member
- Apr 28, 2020
- 67
I haven't been in a relationship for a year... however, I did recently meet someone which is probably the worst timing because I had been and still am planning my exit... he's such a great guy and I must be a horrible person to do what I'm doing to him.
I'm in the same boat. My husband and I are soulmates and best friends but I am bedridden and cant really walk anymore. I suffer all day long every day with horrible symptoms and I just can't go on anymore. He knows. He is supportive and understands but keeps trying to get me to go longer and try more things to get better even though I will never get better I only get worse.
waterbottleman
Not a person
- Sep 30, 2019
- 721
A woman not only acknowledging my existence but actually showing interest that she might be attracted to me! I'm lucky if a woman even looks into my eyes and recognizes my existence with a friendly smile, nod, "hello", etc.
Guys once in a while recognize me, nod, say hello, strike up a short conversation, etc.
Last time I was in a relationship I was 17 (Late twenties now), I remember when I was a teenager girls were friendly to me and frequently showed basic acknowledgment.
Damn it's lonely and depressing as fuck to be an adult, I live in a fairly large city and feel like I'm a ghost. But I am appreciative of the simple recognition of my existence from the fellas.
I do sometimes wonder if I'd actually not want to ctb if I lived somewhere where I wasn't so blatantly ignored.
Guys once in a while recognize me, nod, say hello, strike up a short conversation, etc.
Last time I was in a relationship I was 17 (Late twenties now), I remember when I was a teenager girls were friendly to me and frequently showed basic acknowledgment.
Damn it's lonely and depressing as fuck to be an adult, I live in a fairly large city and feel like I'm a ghost. But I am appreciative of the simple recognition of my existence from the fellas.
I do sometimes wonder if I'd actually not want to ctb if I lived somewhere where I wasn't so blatantly ignored.
Relationship for 3.5 years. Broke up with her a week ago. If everything goes well she will never know. I still love her and want to make sure that shes set up well.
Being in a relationship did not make me less suicidal, but it certainly stopped me from CTB because she would feel guilty and sad.
But the more i thought about it the more i realized that it's a mistake to stay around just because of her feelings. I saw that in the past year. Being unhappy is contagious and everything i did was dragging her down with me.
Do not base your decision on CTB on someone else.
Suicide because of a break up is just as dumb as staying alive just because a friend/family/partner would feel bad.
Being in a relationship did not make me less suicidal, but it certainly stopped me from CTB because she would feel guilty and sad.
But the more i thought about it the more i realized that it's a mistake to stay around just because of her feelings. I saw that in the past year. Being unhappy is contagious and everything i did was dragging her down with me.
Do not base your decision on CTB on someone else.
Suicide because of a break up is just as dumb as staying alive just because a friend/family/partner would feel bad.
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