Discussion How many attempts to ctb? What was your worse failed attempt?

[Stormy Raine]

I've had about 6. My worst attempt was taking a bottle of Tylenol pm, coincidentally I couldn't sleep and I felt horrible for hours! I would have called 911 so I could get treatment because I was miserable, not because I wanted to live, and placed on that suicide list. I decided to wait it out but I'd never try that method again!

 

[day]

Xanax OD, really my only real attempt. Was awful falling in and out of consciousness and a lot of SI.. Managed to not end up in the ward but now I don't have Xanax so I guess it just keeps getting worse and worse.

 

[bea_bivng]

3 tentativas 2 para remédios que eu nem tinha a quantidade certa e só me deixou doente, e 1 para um corte no pulso que obviamente é o mais embaraçoso que eu tenho porque não foi profundo o suficiente para atingir qualquer coisa e chorei muito de frustração

 

[maskbro]

around 6-8 attempts, or more. im not really counting. my successful one was when i overdosed (i was sleeping really deep, so it would be peaceful), but then my close ones called the hospital and after this i was put to psychward. i was 16 when this situation happened

 

[tgirl]

Overdosing on blood pressure meds then slitting my wrist with a large knife someone discovered me and boom off to the mental ward for a 21 day stay that was #13

 

[deomlez]

For multi ctb, does it help to fight against SI ? Does it make it easier and easier ?

 

[MalboroMan420]

For multi ctb, does it help to fight against SI ? Does it make it easier and easier ?

I sure wish. In my experience your SI stays the same regardless .. it's like it knOoOows

 

[アホペンギン]

I have had 4 attempts, one of them happening today. I will only tell the most significant ones (my more recent attempts, the others were stupid and i have naive back then.) The 3rd attempt was when i figured about the blood choke, i immediately took a towel and wrapped it around my neck, i passed out but thankfully no one saw. My most recent one was me trying to jump off of the 14th floor of an apartment building, impulsively. If it wasn't for SI making me back out of that decision then i wouldn't be writing this right now. I was so close to dying i was practically hanging off of the railing it was very scary and im quite glad i didn't go through with it, i probably would've survived and be resuscitated or something… and in my opinion, jumping is a horrible method to use especially if theres many people in the area. I would've been saved, im sure of it. (sorry for rambling got carried away)

 

[ChronicPain23]

I only had one, a few years ago I swallowed 20 caffeine pills(about 4g and the lethal dose is 10g) my esophagus got blocked(SI) so I couldn't handle any more.
It was in the woods, I was lying like that, shaking, vomiting, and if I had stayed like that the CTB would have succeeded, but the SI won, I crawled to the street and cried for help, someone called an ambulance. On top of that, I suffered for a long time.

 

[▪︎⚠ ＫＯＨＩ ⚠▪︎]

I'm such a coward I haven't even dared to ctb yet, although I already how to get all the stuff to.

I wa supposed to do it June 9, but it seems that my family knew and started to indirectly convinced me of not doing it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never really properly attempted before as failing ctb is exactly what I would fear and is what sounds so horrible to me, the problem lies in the fact that this society is so anti-suicide where suicide is purposely made so difficult with a lack of accessible, peaceful and reliable methods, which is why I've been trapped here for so long.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I've never had a real attempt, I'm planing mine (CO) very properly so it will be a 99% chance to succeed in any case! I'm considering other methods but ingredients are either unavailable or too difficult to be obtained.

 

[hunterfla]

Overdosing on blood pressure meds then slitting my wrist with a large knife someone discovered me and boom off to the mental ward for a 21 day stay that was #13

Oh wow, I am/was considering this method. Do you happen to remember the medication you took and quantity/mg? I'm not sure I could slit me wrist though. Hugs.

 

[Sad Avocado]

Xanax OD, really my only real attempt. Was awful falling in and out of consciousness and a lot of SI.. Managed to not end up in the ward but now I don't have Xanax so I guess it just keeps getting worse and worse.

sorry for the question but how much did you take? If it brings back bad memories and you dont wanna talk about it its fine, i understand

 

[lethargic]

My most fucked up attempt was when I got blackout drunk, tied two zip cables around my neck, couldn't unlock them or cut them open but they weren't tight enough to block the blood flow. So next, while drunk as fuck and my eyes slightly bulging from the cable ties around my neck, I get behind the wheel to get someone to help me. I drive past a cop car lol. I park slightly further away, casually knock on their window and ask for help. They stole all my clothes and made me do an overnighter.

 

[day]

sorry for the question but how much did you take? If it brings back bad memories and you dont wanna talk about it its fine, i understand

16mg with a lot of alcohol.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

hard to say cuz ive had a lot of smaller 'attempts' that were more like taking risks and hoping i die, but i think ive had around two attempts that i really tried to ctb. worst one was when i took a mix of drugs and panicked halfway through and was hit with SI, really fucked that one up on multiple levels. other time was similar to that but i didnt get SI it just obviously didnt work (it was also an OD, not exactly a reliable method as i later learned)

 

[Zeusman8506]

Overdosing on blood pressure meds then slitting my wrist with a large knife someone discovered me and boom off to the mental ward for a 21 day stay that was #13

What kind of BP pills did you try i plan on. Trying 1200mg of metatoporol

 

[tgirl]

Oh wow, I am/was considering this method. Do you happen to remember the medication you took and quantity/mg? I'm not sure I could slit me wrist though. Hugs.

I don't remember what the name was I know its commonly prescribed for PTSD I honestly don't recommend it my idea was drop my blood pressure and raise my heart rate so I would bleed out

What kind of BP pills did you try i plan on. Trying 1200mg of metatoporol

I don't remember I would say it started with a P tho it's also commonly used for help with PTSD nightmares

 

[qwert3948]

the only significant one i had was taking Metamizol. i was young and didn't know shit about suicide methods, but i was actually determined to do it.
i had a horrible experience with the hospital and it affected my relationship with my mom a lot.

basically the hospital traped me in and forced me to get in a psych ward (which is standard practice but me nor my mom had no idea), they tried to diagnose me with a bazilion fucking mental illnesses (ps. diagnosis that are meant to be done with months and years of treatment, not 10 minutes in a hospital).
I was put into a psych that was a fucking mess, all levels of severity in case and ages), people there are horrible (the staff would cuss back at patients and when i asked if that couldn't be bad for their mental state the staff answered ''well yeah.. but then we suffer in silence right?'' ????????? it was a fucking grandma with dementia that they would scream at btw.

i had a visit in the 2nd day there i think, i told my mom it was horrible and i felt worse being there, and she managed to get me out of there after 4-5 days.
in exchange for this though, my mom would use this against me at every chance she had. anything i did she'd say ''ill put you in a psych ward then'' and my life is fucking hell now. she thought she could tell me ''don't try to cbt or ill put u in a psych!!'' but now i just want to be as certain as i can when i attempt = made it even worse.

my mom is super unstable, so sometimes she can be ''nice'' and not fucking blackmail me, so i can kind of live with it, but it just feels fucking horrible. i literally stopped asking for help and therapy because whenever i mention it she starts saying i'll be in a psych ward.

-> well, other than that i had a few shitty attempts but i barely remember them by now. Most of them were by taking a bunch of medicine as well.

 

[brainkiller]

so far the only Real 'attempt' i've made was when i was about 13, i think. made some sweet tea and took a fuckton of sleep meds with it- like, two heaping palmfuls. didn't kill me, ended up making me sleep for 7 hours or something. i felt so lame after

 

[Stormy Raine]

the only significant one i had was taking Metamizol. i was young and didn't know shit about suicide methods, but i was actually determined to do it.
i had a horrible experience with the hospital and it affected my relationship with my mom a lot.

basically the hospital traped me in and forced me to get in a psych ward (which is standard practice but me nor my mom had no idea), they tried to diagnose me with a bazilion fucking mental illnesses (ps. diagnosis that are meant to be done with months and years of treatment, not 10 minutes in a hospital).
I was put into a psych that was a fucking mess, all levels of severity in case and ages), people there are horrible (the staff would cuss back at patients and when i asked if that couldn't be bad for their mental state the staff answered ''well yeah.. but then we suffer in silence right?'' ????????? it was a fucking grandma with dementia that they would scream at btw.

i had a visit in the 2nd day there i think, i told my mom it was horrible and i felt worse being there, and she managed to get me out of there after 4-5 days.
in exchange for this though, my mom would use this against me at every chance she had. anything i did she'd say ''ill put you in a psych ward then'' and my life is fucking hell now. she thought she could tell me ''don't try to cbt or ill put u in a psych!!'' but now i just want to be as certain as i can when i attempt = made it even worse.

my mom is super unstable, so sometimes she can be ''nice'' and not fucking blackmail me, so i can kind of live with it, but it just feels fucking horrible. i literally stopped asking for help and therapy because whenever i mention it she starts saying i'll be in a psych ward.

-> well, other than that i had a few shitty attempts but i barely remember them by now. Most of them were by taking a bunch of medicine as well.

I'm sorry you had to experience that, it sounds very traumatic. I understand the need to admit people to psych but it breaks people's trust with they system because it's often horrific environments and treatments so like you stated, we learn to suffer in silence. Thankfully sites like this exist and we can share what we are not allowed to say, I was going to say embarrassed to say but I doubt any of us are embarrassed to be honest about how we feel, we just know it won't end well and there won't be any good help. I wonder if your mom was honest with herself I wonder if she suffers in silence too? That's a horrible thing to keep saying to someone, if she only could see what goes on inside those places she would feel terrible to even mention that. I'm sorry friend, this journey won't last long! Be strong it's almost over!

 

[saddestbunny]

Never tried, I'm 98% confident that when I try I'll succeed and I haven't been ready yet, I don't plan for there to be any chance of anything going sideways in terms of location, time, and my method is solid

 

[Miscreated]

I've had 4 but I don't think that most of them really count since they were half-hearted and not really ctb attempts so I'll only talk about my last one when my mom walked in on me attempting ctb. When I was 14 after my dad was being dangerous, violent, and abusive, I locked myself in the bathroom to protect myself, then impulsively attempted partial hanging with a hair straightener, I tied the cord to the doorknob in the shape of a noose but before I put my neck in my mom opened the door since the hair straightener was banging on the door and she thought I was stuck. I didn't have my neck in luckily but she still might have noticed that it was tied like a noose, she luckily never brought it up though but our relationship was very weird for a few days

 

[qwert3948]

I'm sorry you had to experience that, it sounds very traumatic. I understand the need to admit people to psych but it breaks people's trust with they system because it's often horrific environments and treatments so like you stated, we learn to suffer in silence. Thankfully sites like this exist and we can share what we are not allowed to say, I was going to say embarrassed to say but I doubt any of us are embarrassed to be honest about how we feel, we just know it won't end well and there won't be any good help. I wonder if your mom was honest with herself I wonder if she suffers in silence too? That's a horrible thing to keep saying to someone, if she only could see what goes on inside those places she would feel terrible to even mention that. I'm sorry friend, this journey won't last long! Be strong it's almost over!

Yeah i know my mom also struggles a lot with ''accepting'' that i'm suicidal & it's mostly what justifies her behavior, i know it does affect her a lot (& she does also struggle w mental illness). Anything freaks her out, she wanst to drown me in medicine and lock me up in any signal.

On the other hand, she's also told me to just ''go kys then'' multiple times even when i told her how much it hurts me. it's just really confusing, i rly wonder if she's really stressed about the fact that i'm sucidial or the fact that it'll be her responsibility

 

[pyroxenic]

I quite dont know how many attempts ive had because i try to CTB every years with no luck. but even though logically my worst attempt was jumping from 30 meters, i think i have to choose Advil OD of +40 tablets. OD on any pills is one of the worst ways to go about it. 0/10 would not recommend.

 

[Stormy Raine]

Yeah i know my mom also struggles a lot with ''accepting'' that i'm suicidal & it's mostly what justifies her behavior, i know it does affect her a lot (& she does also struggle w mental illness). Anything freaks her out, she wanst to drown me in medicine and lock me up in any signal.

On the other hand, she's also told me to just ''go kys then'' multiple times even when i told her how much it hurts me. it's just really confusing, i rly wonder if she's really stressed about the fact that i'm sucidial or the fact that it'll be her responsibility

I'd never to bad mouth your mother but respectfully it sounds like she needs to seek help and help herself before she can help you!

 

[iDieUDie80]

Hmm. I've not kept total track, but somewhere around 5 times maybe, probably more. They are all the same, I tighten something around my neck but don't compress the right arteries and never end up passing out.

 

[Eriktf]

tried 9 times,

2 car crash
2 OD
4 partial hanging hanging (was drunk/high 3 of 4 times), thats really hard to do right and a lot of SI to work against


and one time I got really drunk on a cruise ship, then I ended up in a cell, Idk how, but I manage to talk my way out of the cell after a couple of hours

then in my cabin I drank 1 bottle of vodka in a few minutes and then went back to the bar which again got me to the cell for the second time that day

so in the cell i tried to suffocate myself with my clothes, it turned out to be a camera there so a security guard stopped me

it all ended with the ambulance, police and customs in the country I went to got involved and refusing me to enter the country so I was locked in a cabin on the way home and was picked up by the police who wanted me to be admitted to a hospital....

 

[Stormy Raine]

tried 9 times,

2 car crash
2 OD
4 partial hanging hanging (was drunk/high 3 of 4 times), thats really hard to do right and a lot of SI to work against


and one time I got really drunk on a cruise ship, then I ended up in a cell, Idk how, but I manage to talk my way out of the cell after a couple of hours

then in my cabin I drank 1 bottle of vodka in a few minutes and then went back to the bar which again got me to the cell for the second time that day

so in the cell i tried to suffocate myself with my clothes, it turned out to be a camera there so a security guard stopped me

it all ended with the ambulance, police and customs in the country I went to got involved and refusing me to enter the country so I was locked in a cabin on the way home and was picked up by the police who wanted me to be admitted to a hospital....

OMG that's horrible I'm sure each time was very embarrassing especially the cruise ship I hope you find some peace in this life, you definitely deserve it I ended up in the psych and I was so embarrassed and too ashamed to show my face so I slept my 72 hr hold. So are you done with trying? I am, I suck at living and suck at trying to die