How long is too long to hold onto hope?

[itsallover]

I have been physically sick for almost six years now. I am too scarred to make another attempt because the last time which was about two or so years ago I ended up in a coma for a few days and they honestly thought brain damage was a high possibility if I woke up. I don't know how to do this right and am terrified of waking up with brain damage where I will still have the same physical condition and won't be able to speak. I am prescribed a bunch of meds but can't think of what combination would actually be deadly. My only real question is here is how long has anyone with a debilitating condition here been trying to overcome it and just in general for those struggling mentally as well. At what point would you say enough is enough? The only thing holding me together is all these drugs numbing me out all day but that is getting tiring too.

 

[jimmy7754]

:( that's terrible

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, it is your life and your decision and only you know when the right time is to leave. We all have our individual limits as to how much we can cope with. We all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing. In my case I have no hope but I am only still here because it is difficult to ctb. If it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I'm sorry you are suffering so much, the possibility of failing ctb is also what holds me back from doing it. Health problems can be very horrible and they can torture us and I can imagine it must be awful to live like that. I wish you the best.

 

[Foresight]

I've stuck it out for 6 years as well and I have no regrets. It's tough though because physical problems are very difficult. I have chronic pain but not to the extent you're going through. I don't have any hope that I'll integrate back into society so I am kind of already a ghost.

Be kind to yourself, spend time on what makes you feel good and rest when you need rest. People hate on rest like it's a crime, especially in the hyperproductive culture in the US. I love rest and I think it's enjoyable to do while alive. If and when you feel its become too much I hope you get a peaceful exit that you deserve.

 

[rudebeat]

I can't really say without knowing your condition. It doesn't sound like much progress is being made in research but if you don't know if that's true you should look into that before making a decision. My doctor's never told me about all the research that's being done to cure some of my conditions so I would've never known unless I took the time to look for that info myself. I also spent a while living with health conditions worried that if I tried to kill myself I'd fail and live permanently damaged, and I sometimes wondered if I could survive damaged in a way that got rid of my ability to commit suicide in the future. There are methods that almost never lead to brain damage that are listed in the resources section at the top of the suicide discussion forum list.

Also, while this is just my anecdote and may not apply to you, I think with time you'd be surprised how much you can get used to things that used to make you suffer. I'm not talking about chronic pain, but I've been hearing ringing in my ears for 23 months, I've lost a lot of my hearing and it's made me not enjoy music anymore, I might lose almost all of my friends soon, I've seen blue flashes in my eyes for the past 11 months and many other things have happened. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday because I thought the blue flashes were getting worse, I'm not sure if they really did but now despite everything I feel pretty okay. Part of me wants to commit suicide because it's what I feel like I'm supposed to do with so many bad things happening in my life but emotionally I've almost adjusted to everything and I don't feel forced to die out of pain. It's possible you might eventually feel this way too.