How long have you been suicidal?

[existcrisisactor]

I've always thought about it since I was a teenager I have always said I was going to kill myself when things got hard but was never fully set on it until September 29th of last year.. that is the day I felt my soul be stripped from me. My ❤ was weighed on the ⚖ of Ma'at and was way heavier than a feather.. Ever since then I have seen no point in living. Since then I have actually taken the steps toward planning it out. How long have you been dead set in wanting to CTB?

ever since i got old enough to realize how horrible life is

 

[DaughterOfSekhmet]

I have been suicidal since I was about eleven years old.
I'm 44 now.
I hope the scales of Ma'at will weigh in my favour when it is time for my heart to be weighed.
May I ask you (the author of this thread) if you believe in the ancient Egyptian Gods (i.e Netjeru?)
I do.
Hope you are still here and that you are still fighting.
I know I am still fighting.
One minute at a time.

Hugs to you all from Elin / Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I always had em as far back as 6th grade but I truly lost my soul at 17.

 

[SKDN]

Since 14 yo. 34 now, so 20 years. But i remember wanting to be a fly and someone kill me when I was 7 or so kkk

 

[Rogue Proxy]

My first suicidal thoughts occurred when I was 8 years old. They became far more frequent and regular throughout my life since I was 11.

 

[xo777]

12

 

[I need peace]

I honestly don't know, my first ctb attempt was at 9yo, but I might have thoughts before, I just have no memory of life then

 

[Al Cappella]

Since I was 18 or so, so 40 years. Hey, do I win?

 

[Brianiskillingme]

About 25 years. It began after my brother CTB , then soon after my marriage failed. I was ok for yrs then my second husband died in 2015 and its been getting worse ever since. My current boyfriend, Brian (hence my username) does little to help these thoughts. I am on 3 antidepressants. wellbutrin, Xanax, Trentillix and still I am always on here, searching methods, watching any videos I can find. Idealization they call it.

 

[quix77]

About 6 months ago. I've dealt with some chronic (and painful) health issues. I've fone through multiple procedures (extremely painful) but no dice, it just keeps coming back.

The pain is aggravating. I cannot sit, concentrate. Sleep is very difficult. I cant remember the last time I slept well.

I was at my wits end trying to figure out how to fix my issues or atleast be able to cope with it.

Then - last year - I had this blinding revelation - just pull the plug. One stop solution to fix all my problems. And a final end to the constant pain.

 

[FireFox]

I have been suicidal since aged 21 years old. I turn 25 in May.

I started getting severely depressed at 21 years old because of my lack of achievements in life. On my 21st birthday I felt like a total failure and I was depressed the months after my birthday.

I reached out to people but nobody wanted to listen and pretty much told me "you're too young to feel this way " and completely dismissed everything I was feeling.

I told some of my university friends that I was suicidal. One of my friends stopped talking to me and the other just ignored the issue. She even said "still you are depressed" and expressed that frustration.

Had people listened to me seriously when I was depressed at 21 I would be alive. I really wanted to live and enjoy but I just didn't know how.

 

[Fengshuiside]

About 18 years.
I started having frequent suicidal thoughts/fantasies since I was 5-year old.

However, they mostly appeared at night when going to sleep, I always forgot about it during the daytime when I was playing/hanging out with friends, but at around age 12 the thoughts started to become very intrusive and unavoidable and I couldn't escape them even when hanging out with friends so I isolated.

Even at the age of 5-6 I had some very childish "attempts" like trying to just go lay in snow with the intention of laying there until I die. I thought about drowning or cutting my throat as well but was very afraid of the pain and SI.

It really sucks when most of your life you've felt suicidal and never wanted to really be here. It's been a long time but this is how far I'm going to go with it.

 

[wCvML2]

3-4 years

 

[Starz]

Pretty much all my life, I can even remember the first time I felt suicidal which was around 9 years old. Like many others, I have also found the thought of death comforting. It's probably my coping mechanism

 

[Shu]

I have been suicidal since I was about eleven years old.
I'm 44 now.
I hope the scales of Ma'at will weigh in my favour when it is time for my heart to be weighed.
May I ask you (the author of this thread) if you believe in the ancient Egyptian Gods (i.e Netjeru?)
I do.
Hope you are still here and that you are still fighting.
I know I am still fighting.
One minute at a time.

Hugs to you all from Elin / Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet

100%...



Praises to you Sekhmet.. Eye see you..

 

[stoicseal]

Since at least 10 years old. Always seemed like the logical route.

 

[Darkover]

i've been sucidal since turning 18 years old due to a relationship break up, only within the last 6 years(36 now) have i been dead set on leaving because of a brain injury that cause unbearable suffering to me not being able to work bored all day every day the only thing i do with my time is take weed but i can't afford to keep my self in weed all month hence why i am leaving to uncomfotable all the time bored shitless

 

[BrokenLine]

11yo

 

[dihgdsoigd]

Since about 12. I am 28 now.

 

[Hurt]

Many years. This didn't start yesterday. I'm severely depressed and I don't want to do anything.