How long have you been suicidal?

[Shu]

I've always thought about it since I was a teenager I have always said I was going to kill myself when things got hard but was never fully set on it until September 29th of last year.. that is the day I felt my soul be stripped from me. My ❤ was weighed on the ⚖ of Ma'at and was way heavier than a feather.. Ever since then I have seen no point in living. Since then I have actually taken the steps toward planning it out. How long have you been dead set in wanting to CTB?

 

[symphony]

I've been continuously suicidal for going on 4 years now. I first seriously considered it when I was in middle school, maybe 12 or so. My first thought of suicide ever? I was so young that I didn't even have a concept of "suicide".

 

[Shu]

I've been continuously suicidal for going on 4 years now. I first seriously considered it when I was in middle school, maybe 12 or so. My first thought of suicide ever? I was so young that I didn't even have a concept of "suicide".

Thanks for sharing. I hope things change for you and you find healing.

 

[Bedrock48]

About 4 years since my suicidal thoughts and my first attempt wasn't long after that. Even though I voluntarily admitted myself to hospital at that time I already felt set on eventually wanting to ctb

 

[its-about-time]

I'm not sure when I first became suicidal but it must've been around 11 or 12. I vividly remember my first time self harming somewhere around 12 and my first (rather feeble) attempt to end things was at 12 or 13. Suicide has just been a given since then, an inevitability. But sometimes it feels years away, while other times it seems imminent or I'm actively gearing up or attempting. At the end of the day I am 100% certain I'll die of suicide, unless some freak accident gets me first, it's just a matter of when. Currently that timeline is looking pretty close, I have never pieced together a suicide kit before like this (going SN), but my imminent actions have yet to be carried out, so really anything could happen. I'm just along for the ride of impulsivity.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I first considered hanging myself at 12, and I stayed suicidal through high school. Then things got better until five years ago when I turned 32 and my health went to shit. I've been trying to hang on ever since, but it's becoming harder by the day.

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Feel like my suicidal ideations really ramped up after I found out my ex-wife had been cheating on me while I was away on military business. I had class today and stumbled upon a flyer in the hallway asking individuals that have had "suicidal thoughts" to contact an email about a study being conducted. I was half tempted to take part in the study. Who knows, I may circle back around to it.

 

[Acopia]

Since I was 8.
I'm now in my late 20's.
-A

 

[deathbydragon]

Another comment saying they started at 12, but on and off.
Properly started at 16, and been near constant since 18.

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

Sometime soon after events in 2015, so around 6-7 years ago.

 

[lili]

Since I was 18-19. So like 10 years.

 

[BigGimpin]

I have always said I was going to kill myself when things got hard

I too have done the same thing, there is always a voice in the back of my mind saying, "Dont worry, you are just going to blow your head off anway." That msg has been repeating about as long as I can recall.

 

[itllbeover]

around 2-3 years. Never really acted on it was more of an ideation but recently got worse.

 

[Null84]

About 9-10 years for me.

 

[wanttodie]

15 years

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Around 14 years now. More than half of my life. I know now it was inevitable for me.

 

[apoptosis]

I've been suicidal for around a year, but I've never been truly content with life for as long as I can remember

 

[roaming_soul]

Since I was 11/12 years old. I didn't understand it then. I just knew that the grief around me was too much to bear. My teen years were a combination of suicide attempts, self-harm and wreckless behaviour because of trauma I'd experienced. The grief I'd felt of others when I was younger had now become my own. I've spent the last 7 years building my life and intensely involved in personal development work...but all roads seem to always lead me back here. Grief-stricken and a knowing that this life is not for me. I'm 26 now, and I believe in my heart that this will be it for me.

It's hard living with suicide's voice living at the back of your mind for years. Love to you all

Since I was 8.
I'm now in my late 20's.
-A

@Acopia not an easy road you've been on. I'm sorry for that...

 

[romanholidaydionysu]

Wished I wasn't born at age 5, suicidal ideation around 7, first attempt at 9 in a cat-poop laden sandbox with a razor blade. Of course I had no idea what I was doing, though dying in a glorified litterbox probably would be my style. Hard to believe that was 30 years ago

 

[downndone2]

Since late 2019 when I ruined my f#@king life. Before that I was one of those "suicide is permanent solution to a temp problem" type of people

 

[NorseHel]

I've had it easy, and my heart goes out to everyone who's been going down this road for years, if not decades.

I've had mild suicidal ideation for probably ten years or so... but mostly just along the lines of "I can't see myself growing old, so I'll have to take my leave at some point", but nothing serious.

Two weeks ago is when that suddenly turned up to 11.

 

[Al_stargate]

About 4 months, after an event. Before I was perfectly happy and would never consider suicide.

 

[Grav]

Probably age 10-11, so 40+ years but it comes & goes in waves. Waves are closer now that the "oh the future will be better" has been lived through.

 

[Ednospatient]

6 years

 

[oziinnz]

I've always thought about it since I was a teenager I have always said I was going to kill myself when things got hard but was never fully set on it until September 29th of last year.. that is the day I felt my soul be stripped from me. My ❤ was weighed on the ⚖ of Ma'at and was way heavier than a feather.. Ever since then I have seen no point in living. Since then I have actually taken the steps toward planning it out. How long have you been dead set in wanting to CTB?

Since my sister killed herself December 26th 2021. I hate every minute I've been alive since I want to die so badly and I hate that I feel so bad to leave my mum it is only her and I left. But I can't stand every horrible feeling gnawing away at my being.

 

[sleepyghost]

I first attempted at 9 or 10… not sure I knew what the word suicide even meant, but I knew I wanted to be done with life early on. I started mentioning ending my life in diaries back when I was 8 though. I've had a lot of low moments and a lot of failed attempts under my belt. I do have periods of time where I feel obligated to stick around (though I still don't desire it), mostly to help other people get through events. It's a hypocritical pattern of, "I have to make sure you don't ctb, but when you're stable I'm going to."
I have plenty of school papers with: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Where I've answered "I don't" or "Nothing" or "Asleep." Obviously these things were misinterpreted by adults at the time as being "cute" or "funny" It's been a tunnel with no light at the end for as long as I can remember.

 

[pudds]

Around 4-5 years I think.

 

[Lost Magic]

thought about it when I was younger but it has intensified in the last 5 years. I can't wait for all this nightmare to end.

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

For me it's 9 years.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I have never really wanted to be alive. Even at a young age I found death to be comforting. I think when I got a bit older, that was when I started to properly think of suicide. I cannot imagine myself dying from anything else. I have been suicidal for a long time now, I am 21 and I am so tired of living. Things can only get worse for me in the future. My life is just meaningless suffering and I never should have existed in the first place. I am not meant for this world at all.