How long ago do you wish you would of killed your self?

[TheGoodGuy]

2012-2013 that is when I moved out from home into my own apartment for the sole purpose to be alone so I could kill myself. I dread every day I didn´t do it, back then would´ve been the perfect time I realized at 17 my social life was officially over and I have accomplished nothing since I was 18-19. My passion when I wasn´t smoking weed back then was bodybuilding and I was VERY serious about it by training 6-7 days a week and eating after a diet and at 21yo I got a back injury so I had to stop training forever and shortly after my throat problem got even worse so had I killed myself back when I was 18-19 I wouldn´t have had to endure all this turmoil with my throat and given up my bodybuilding dream.

And now I am 24yo and I had planned since Aug/Sep 2015 that I wanted to kill myself August 2018 and that was a couple of months ago and I just know that I will feel the same feeling in the future of how I wished I had killed myself back then (August 2018) I have already regretted not doing it and thinking about doing it every day because now I am on welfare although I haven´t gotten any money yet even though we are half way through the month. It would also have been perfect in August because objectively for friends, family and society it would just have looked like a bright young man doing well in school kill himself (since I got good grades) and if I do it now or later it will just be a miserable pathetic poor guy on welfare who offed himself.

 

[RM5998]

Ideal - never born. I don't think any arrangement of circumstances could have resulted in a good life for something like what I am.

More realistic regret - 8 years ago. That was the first time the thought entered my head, and I should have hung myself with the rope lying on the balcony. Would have made for an interesting tapestry.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

2006 was the beginning of the end for me.

In 2006 I was 12 and that is where my childhood ended and my life would descend into hell so I completely agree with you.

 

[lostinthedream]

I wish I had never been born in the first place. That way I would never have known the curse of human consciousness, or gazed into the abyss of the human soul.

I could not possibly have said it any better myself.

 

[Taylored]

2016 would of been best I wouldn't of had to deal with the fallout of the events that happened then.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

April 27, 2002

The first time I seriously thought about it. Should have just gotten it over with.

 

[icky]

Things would have been easier if I'd just sucked it up and died 13 years ago. I was getting close, then I made an excuse. I consoled myself by saying, "It's okay, this is temporary. We'll never make it to our 20s." Nothing has changed, nothing got better, no fun's been had. It's all been a complete wash. If I ctb'd back then, my family would be over it by now.

These days I tell myself I'll never be older than 50. Maybe I can keep that promise. Or I'll just die of natural causes thinking, "What a boring, nothing life I lived. I knew I should have killed myself at 15."

 

[your pathologist]

August 17th 2018

My first "attempt" and the last time i had the guts to hold a surely loaded gun to my head with my finger on the trigger. (In hindsight i probably would have lived, it was to my temple) And then i broke down and called my mother. Its been 2 months exactly and nothing has improved.
(I came here to get medical help because of a Rx drug ssri withdrawal which is keeping me from sleeping and drs have no idea how to help)
I cornered myself into living with my parents again, 1600 mi away, no friends, no school, no job, so much debt.. and i would have rather used the gun i had with guy i lived with before, rather than contemplate using theirs.
The fact that if i do I'll be personally traumatizing them, i couldnt order something without them knowing, and cant die without them finding me.
I cant leave the house, i cant fix my debt, i have no idea how to get back to Maine, and if i did, i left a 6 year relationship with my HS sweetheart for a guy who turned out being someone i was completely uncompatible with... and i am afraid to let him "go" cuz if by some miracle i become better, hed be the only person to get me close to my old friends and life...
All of this is slowly crashing down... and i am just wasting each day watching tv and researching how to kill myself.
$%@# what have i done

Take me back to march 2017 so i can not get that prescription... so i have a chance, so i can have a life

 

[IG959]

From the moment I was born I can't think of a moment I was truly happy

 

[Sayo]

I think it would have been ideal if I died at around age 12 or was never born, but I especially wish I'd either done it before I was raped -- to avoid having to go through it -- or before I met my partner. The more emotional ties I've formed, the worse I feel about i t =/

 

[sadgirl2002]

I wish I killed myself at 17... things got even more fucking worse after that. If not at 17, at 13... when I realised I was depressed my whole life. And, if I can't have that, I wish I was never born because my birth was a curse. Nothing ever went right in my life, from childhood until now. I was ready to ctb in September 2018 but I backed out a week before because somehow, I met the one I love. I'm still waiting for him to come back, I will only live if he comes back.