Help how does one go about trying to get better

[Khaos_Playground]

I have been struggling with suicidal ideation since about age 9-10 which has only gotten worse. I've tried therapy but my therapists were either transphobic or ghosted me, I had the chance at TMS for free thanks to a doctor who took pity on me when I told him how bad it was, however my parents couldnt make the drive and I doubt the offer still stands. I owe it to the few friends who genuinely care about me to at least try and get better but I can't think of what to do to help someone in my shoes. I cant afford damn near anything that'd help me with the gender dysphoria beyond hrt which is probably the biggest reason I don't want to be here, meds haven't worked they only make me feel worse, therapy hasn't worked, the only positive I can say I have going for me is I have better coping mechanisms than most people I know in similar situations, exercise and reading make me feel better but they only work in the short term and only like 80% of the time.

I want to be able to say I've at least tried to the best of my capabilities to get better, is there any advice you all could give me?

 

[Vombie12]

I'll list things that have helped me at times, and maybe they'll help you! Music is like, #1. Finding both music that is just up-beat and makes you happy overall, and music you resonate with when you want to feel seen. For reading which you said, fully picturing, indulging in the world, or find stupid youtube reviews may help (I find reviews on hobbies/fandoms I like help a lot for some reason.) JOURNALING. Not diary, not needing it to be 'perfect'. Just writing down little thoughts, stories, characters, anything on your mind-anything YOU want. It really helps 'clean your mind', create a distraction or help you find things that make you depressed that you never would've thought of. Lastly, gaming if you enjoy it. Overall gaming and getting attachments to characters I resonate with makes me really happy. Sometimes it fully block out suicidal thoughts if the game is distracting/puzzling enough. This is so personal here, but if yoyu like rhythm games I reccomend PJSK. Not a thought in my head when I play it lol.

 

[NonBinaryPiano]

I usually go on walks whenever my thoughts get to be too much, ill find some stupid internet project and fall down a rabbit hole with that. whenever I have negative self talk ill correct myself, because we all deserve nice things, I do and you do as well.

I recommend not bottling it all up, listening to sad music and crying, or watching something sad or depressing can actually be cathartic for people, it is for me sometimes. I also recommend Journaling your thoughts, it can help to have them out of your head and on paper or in a voice note or in your phone's notes app.

 

[doggo2355]

I have been struggling with suicidal ideation since about age 9-10 which has only gotten worse. I've tried therapy but my therapists were either transphobic or ghosted me, I had the chance at TMS for free thanks to a doctor who took pity on me when I told him how bad it was, however my parents couldnt make the drive and I doubt the offer still stands. I owe it to the few friends who genuinely care about me to at least try and get better but I can't think of what to do to help someone in my shoes. I cant afford damn near anything that'd help me with the gender dysphoria beyond hrt which is probably the biggest reason I don't want to be here, meds haven't worked they only make me feel worse, therapy hasn't worked, the only positive I can say I have going for me is I have better coping mechanisms than most people I know in similar situations, exercise and reading make me feel better but they only work in the short term and only like 80% of the time.

I want to be able to say I've at least tried to the best of my capabilities to get better, is there any advice you all could give me?

So for me the main things that help me are:

1. doing activities with other people
2. playing with animals
3. sports
4. physical work, the kind of stuff that requires you to focus entirely on it
5. good weather, though you sadly can't force that lol

I agree that everything here is mostly a short-term fix but for me at least it's enough to break up periods of feeling really crappy. For long(er)-term fixes I'd say it depends entirely on the specific issues causing you to feel depressed/suicidal. Mostly gender dysphoria based on your post?