Venting I'm scared to get better

[bokchoy]

I know that I don't have the balls to go through with suicide, and I figure that if I don't then I might as well make life worth living, but I keep falling back onto old habits of depression because I find so much comfort in knowing that one day I won't have to deal with this anymore. My life, and the world around, has gotten much worse these last two years since I attempted for the first time (which is when I realized I'm too scared to go through with attempts.) I know with certainty that the world will continue to get worse, every one I've met agrees, even those with perfect mental health who enjoy living agree that our planet is heading towards doom. I feel like getting better means accepting that I have to live through everything I'm most terrified of. I'm looking for advice for motivation, because nothing is really inspiring me to come out of the comfort of sadness that I've known for almost 10 years, but I also know that I definitely could if I tried or if something motivated me.

 

[hoppybunny]

I'm in a similar situation as well were i am also too scared to die and it really sucks.

If it makes you feel better, while it may seem that things are getting worse, humanity in a sense has actually improved. If u look at our history there probably ppl during slavery or ww2 that thought it would never end and the the world will always be worse. So while things may seem bad rn that doesn't guarantee that things will always be bad.

In terms of the comfort of depression, that is unfortunately one of the worst things about the human brain. We are creatures of habit. We like things that are familiar even when they are bad for us and hurting us. The only way to get better is to force ourselves. It will feel awful and terrible at first but one day your body and brain will get the memo and stop resisting. But you must push through it to get better.

I'm not really the best person to give this advice as i am also in a position where I'm scared to get better. I don't pick up new hobbies or anything cause learning takes too much work, but there was a time where i used to be able to try new things so i know the advice i am giving you works. For an example, i hate exercise, I've always hated it, it hurts, i have asthma so i can bareky breath and as someone who is overweight, it is basically a humiliated ritual to exercise in front of others, but i joined ROTC (it's like the military simulation class for high schoolers basically) and exercise was mandatory, thankfully everyone was very kind and supportive andneven though it was humiliating, because i didn't want to fail, i kept exercising and it got easier andneasier and instarted lookong forward to it. I could do 50 pushups in under a minute and cut down my mile time from 30 minutes to 11 minutes before i was forced to quit by my parents.

The point I'm trying to make, is that the only way to get better is to try, but if you can having ppl hold you accountable or a support group will help. Just be careful though because if you ask someone you know to hold you accountable, you may develop resentment because they are disrupting your "comfort" and "peace" so joining a support group or club where the accountability won't feel as personal may be better.

It may be embarrassing at first but you'll feel better as time passes.

If the support group is mean or calls you names they're not a good support group. Do not stay.

I'm just personally in a terrible situation that causes my depression but I'm sure if i can get out of it i will be able to tey getting better