How does one actually jump from SI to actually ctb

[shadow_sunset]

I have had SI since I was about like 14 maybe 13 and I'm 21 now. I remember on my 16th birthday I tried to choke myself with a hairdryer cord…. Yeah I gave up. Per usual. Anyways, these past 3 years have been HELL and I just want to cross from SI to just trying. I guess injuries and not death are the main thing holding me back, also as we know the 0000.0000.01 % chance of things changing. But as my logical mind knows, nothing will. How do I get rid of that?? Does anyone have any ideas?? I just want to do it, I want to just do itttt I don't want to be here anymore, I don't.

 

[OzymandiAsh]

Does SI stand for survival instinct, or suicidal ideation? It usually seems to mean survival instinct but not sure here.

 

[Terrible_Life]

I have had SI since I was about like 14 maybe 13 and I'm 21 now. I remember on my 16th birthday I tried to choke myself with a hairdryer cord…. Yeah I gave up. Per usual. Anyways, these past 3 years have been HELL and I just want to cross from SI to just trying. I guess injuries and not death are the main thing holding me back, also as we know the 0000.0000.01 % chance of things changing. But as my logical mind knows, nothing will. How do I get rid of that?? Does anyone have any ideas?? I just want to do it, I want to just do itttt I don't want to be here anymore, I don't.

Maybe if you think carefully what this si wants from you it might help. What i mean is in my case si was there very strongly because it wanted to manipulate me into going to a hospital and seeking help but I didn't do that instead I researched how this way of "seeking help " would go what would happen and what could be the outcome. I realized this is absolutely not what i want or ever wanted for me in life then I thought again and realized my si wanna signal to me oh no but you will miss so many awesome things and again I came to the conclusion yes true many amazing things will forever be a mystery for me because right from the beginning i was doomed to fail but then I told myself well then it is what it is i'm no god or angel I can't perform magic and then i am top fit and super healthy and able to enjoy my time on earth . I must accept that this shit was my life.

The more I think about the reasons why si is there and triggers me so much the more I realize how absurd it actually is, its a liar, a manipulator a peace of shit that will use every tiny opportunity to create doubt and stop me from doing the hanging.

 

[Jadeith]

The more I think about the reasons why si is there and triggers me so much the more I realize how absurd it actually is, its a liar, a manipulator a peace of shit that will use every tiny opportunity to create doubt and stop me from doing the hanging.

SI is a reaction designed to subconsciously keep your body from harm if your mind, one way or another, fails to do so. It has no feelings or agenda so no use giving it emotionally charged attributes like liar or manipulator. Compare it to pain and reflexes associated with it. If you get hurt, first reaction is to get away from source of pain. But, to some degree, one can overcome this reflex and subject oneself to the damage - getting a tattoo or cleaning wound with alcohol solution for example.