How does it feel to have a good therapeut?

[Aliali1992]

I've had 3 therapeuts and all of them sucked...they just don't get me or it gets into endless arguing and they just can't convince me with their ideas...the current one when i say something about suicidal ideation her answer is something like you should go and do sport or change your daily routine..she just can't grasp that i don't have energy to do anything like this...are all therapeuts like this? What does it feel like to have a good therapeut if you ever had one?

 

[Pallf]

I've had good therapists. For me, a good therapist spends more time listening to their clients and less time trying to convince them on what to do. Therapy shouldn't be endless arguing and therapists need to listen thoughtfully to their clients. If you don't have the energy to do sport, the therapist needs to keep that in mind and work with you so you two can come up with solutions together.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Feels good to know there's someone who really cares. Who just lets you be. She even tried to get my number during quarantine so we wouldn't lost contact, but I'm a shitty patient and never gave my number. I'm faking as much as I can so she won't tell my mom about my suicidal tendencies or put me in psych ward.

 

[Nem]

I currently have a shitty one bit had previously had a very good one...there's a huge difference
Peace/hugs

 

[BPD Barbie]

It's like night and day, huge difference. I am incredibly lucky to be able to tell mine anything without any judgement or harsh consequences. I feel like I have a say in decisions and medications. They're very accessible and very quick to respond to calls and even texts.

 

[JoeFailure]

There are good therapists and obviously bad ones. Like people have mentioned in this thread, it makes a huge difference.

But it's also about expectations. They can't fix your life, but they can certainly help you. And I'm not saying that in a condescending way, some people just are in situations that are either impossible or incredibly hard to fix.

The best one I ever had, and for whatever reason this kind of helped me at the time...she would let me rant and go to all kinds of dark places about humanity, death, my negative view on God if there is one that's omnipotent, illusion of self...and she was like "Well, I can't say you're wrong about any of that...but then you might as well stick around in life and break some shit". I ended up moving for a job and because of the ridiculous laws around state licenses she couldn't keep me as a patient.

But yeah, I'd keep trying if you haven't found the right one.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

Currently on my ~4th therapist and he's wonderful. He's a clinical physchologist and specializes in chronic depression. He's gentle and understanding and he works *with* my limitations rather than pushing me to do things I can't do. I've been seeing him for maybe 5 years now. He knows me really well and I trust him as close to completely as I'm able to! During the lockdown I miss him more than anyone else TBH!

He is a little more expensive that the other therapists I've seen, he's *super* flexible about money.

 

[TacoBell]

I think I have a good one, so here goes:
I look forward to their calls
I feel heard
I feel respected

I think that's all that matters, if you're arguing with them over how you feel then they ain't sh*t

 

[CTB-London]

I had a few counsellors who were all at least fairly good but I couldn't be helped in the end. My problem was/is difficulty living with being gay and the negative life that comes with it

 

[sufferingalways]

I had a few counsellors who were all at least fairly good but I couldn't be helped in the end. My problem was/is difficulty living with being gay and the negative life that comes with it

Hi sorry to hear you're struggling. I would like to suggest there is someone who might be able to just listen to what you need to say. I used to be with the Metro centre in Greenwich, i had therapy there. Very warm people, they are a health and well-being centre for LGBQT. Ill find the link and post it. Xx

They moved to Woolwich, people in london can contact them; here's their link,

Embrace difference | METRO Charity

We are METRO, an equity and diversity health services charity working in London and the south-east. For over 40 years, we’ve been empowering people and communities with our inclusive health and wellbeing services. Embracing difference and respecting identities is central to how we offer support.

metrocharity.org.uk

 

[FriendofDeath]

My latest therapist I began seeing because she is an EMDR practitioner. Though we didn't end up using EMDR regularly, she is someone I can talk with about anything, including suicide. She unfortunately moved, but I am continuing with phone appointments. She also appreciates my financial difficulties and I feel somewhat responsible for her success, because I encouraged her to counsel on a full-time basis. I hope I can continue seeing her. Went to her new office about 10 months ago - 3 hour drive!

My psychiatrist was very helpful when I first started seeing her. She didn't just do meds - she asked questions about my situation. Now, her availability has lessened quite a bit and she's frustrated because I haven't shown much progress. Still, I can't imagine changing at the moment. I had one who assumed I was an alcoholic since I said yes, I did try to get drunk on purpose more than once in a 12 month period. She got really pissed off at me, banging her pen on the desk which flew over my head. I should have reported her. Had no sense of ethics.

Keep looking, if you can. I've been through a few.

 

[Amnesty]

Stop listening all about the pain and give solutions is what everyone does after they hear their issues in order to try to help them before realixing listening to pain is more effective. Yet it really does not help as much as actually listening since the person will feel ignored :\

 

[Fullof pain]

If the therapeutic relationship breaks down for whatever reason, it can be incredibly painful. I saw a therapist last year and the whole process was agony. Although I know that for some people it can really help. He destroyed my trust and things ended really badly. TBH i'm still in pain from it. But good luck finding one that you click with and hopefully that should make all the difference.

 

[so tired or manic]

had a therapist who started good basically do a 180 towards the end of me seeing her. went from listening to trying to fix. in the end called me a lost cause. ever since I haven't been able to trust therapists, so kind of a ptsd response.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I think it depends on what you need from therapy. Some people really just need someone to talk to, so a sit-and-listen kinda therapist works best with them. Other people need to build strong and close rapport with their therapist. Others don't care about being friendly or venting, and only want to hear solutions and advice.

In general though a good therapist gets along with you and is trustworthy. They also have clear boundaries and don't behave inappropriately with you. Anyone who insults you, says you're hopeless, looks clearly distracted with their phone or computer during session, etc. is unfit to practice and is probably violating some ethics rules. Similarly, someone who is overly attached to you or allows you to invade their privacy is doing you no favors and can be just as bad as an overly distant therapist.

Personally I did much better with my school counselor who did CBT with me. She gave me advice, alternatives, solutions, etc. and it wasn't like I was just talking at her. I still try to use the stuff she taught me in my life. My other therapist was very sweet, but all she would do was stare at me and listen. I wasn't making any progress and I felt shittier than usual after her sessions. I guess some people really benefit from just venting, but I do enough of that already, so I prefer the structure of CBT.

 

[Mayerling86]

I've had 3 therapeuts and all of them sucked...they just don't get me or it gets into endless arguing and they just can't convince me with their ideas...the current one when i say something about suicidal ideation her answer is something like you should go and do sport or change your daily routine..she just can't grasp that i don't have energy to do anything like this...are all therapeuts like this? What does it feel like to have a good therapeut if you ever had one?

Hi love,

There is a therapy called humanistic therapy. My understanding is that they accept us for us. No judging, no trying to change us or give advice (it's against their ethos). What they do is try and enable us to come up with the answers ourselves and slowly come to realisations without the pushing amd forcing. Maybe look into a therapist with this in their training background.

 

[Intheo]

Finding a good therapist you click with is like anything I guess, but the difference is that it costs a lot more money. I've been through 9 therapists now. I only had 1 that was truly helpful and I could see him for free since he was part of the campus counseling service when I was in school. Now that I'm a student, it's much harder to find one that is good. I spent thousands of dollars wasting my time with a counselor who didn't even help me and even didn't want to see me after awhile. Why did I spend all that money then?

The one I started to see now seems better but she is still quite expensive. We'll just see what happens but a therapist ultimately can't change the real issue of my depression.