Whatever it's best/cheapest for my parents/family. Ill let them choose what they want/prefer. I used to have the preference of direct cremation bc it's cheaper and quicker and bc i want the body to disappear as quickly as possible (actually idgaf lmao) or just put the body under the ground, just the body without anything else, neither wrapped inside a bag nor a coffin/casket, just the body and thats it, or just be given to the 'wild animals' like for example scavengers or whatever lol (anyways thats not an option at all in my 'country'), but thats without 'considering'/'thinking about' my parents and family, thats what Id want if it wasnt bc of them, but considering them and the fact that theyll be mourning (or whatever "mourning" means lol) my death and will be very hurt and shocked, Ive decided that they can do with my body whatever they want and prefer and it's best for them, whatever they're more 'comfortable' choosing.
My death will be very devastating to them and it'll make them suffer (sorry but the fact that theyll be 'devastated' and will 'suffer' and 'cry' won't make me 'become' "interested" in 'life' and want to 'experience'/'live'/'do' it, i never asked to exist at all and I should have the right to leave if i simply just dont want to. {my case isn't that im "suffering", at all, it's not because of absolutely any reason at all}) so I'll let them know in the letter that they can do whatever they want with the body, whatever 'helps' 'better' with their 'mourning' or whatever that means. i guess they don't deserve this at all, they 'love'/'want' 'me' 'a lot'(i put this between 's because I just couldnt care less, not because it isnt true, they do love/want 'me' a lot but i just dont give a sht, as ""cruel"" as this sounds) and it'll be very 'hard' for them to overcome, most likely impossible, but i wont stay 'here' just because 'i' was 'born' and they are my 'parents' and 'brought' 'me' 'here' and just because they want me to 'enjoy life'/be 'happy' and 'do'/'experience'/'explore' 'life'/'the world/'planet earth', have 'interests'/'hobbies' and blah blah. This shouldnt be obligatory. i have no choice but have 'parents'/'family' because 'i' was forcedly 'created', 'i' inevitably/forcedly 'became' 'something'/'someone' and 'i' inevitably 'exist' and was forced into a 'human body'/'body'/'brain'/'mind'/'consciousness', and inevitably/forcedly/uncontrollably was 'brought' to 'existence', a 'thing' called 'life', a 'place' called 'planet earth' and 'the world' or whatever all 'this' 'is', so that also means 'i' was also forced into 'parents'/'family' and it's frustrating that because 'I' 'am' inevitably 'someone'/'something' and have 'parents'/'family', Ill have to even deal with the """"guilt"""" of 'leaving' my "parents"/"family" 'behind'. well im so sorry but I just dont want to exist at all no matter how whatever thing is and what it is etcetc and I know they'll cry and suffer a lot but i cant control that lol, this shouldnt be an obligation, this (nor any other 'thing'/'type of thing'/'place') shouldnt be 'something' that 'i' have to do/experience//want to do|experience and want/want to want and 'care about' and be "interested" of yes or yes. i didnt ask for anything so that should already be enough for me to have the absolute right to leave/cease to exist if thats what I want/whenever i want, no matter "who" 'i' 'leave behind' and "how" 'theyll' 'react'. I know theyll be extremely affected and devastated but that wont make me want to 'experience' 'life'/be 'interested' in 'life', that will never make me not want to just disappear and not be anything. Im so 'sorry' for them I guess but i wont stay just because they want me to and 'brought' 'me' 'here' (I dont want to be 'brought' anywhere whatever/however it is lol) and just because they'd be sad/devastated and cry/suffer if i leave.
So well, going back to the 'topic' of the 'thread', basically whatever my parents and rest of my 'family' prefer and think is best for them.
