Discussion How do you turn pain/suffering into a source of motivation/fuel

[playalistic]

Oftentimes I hear the saying of something along the lines of "are you depressed? are you heartbroken? are you in pain? if so, you can either let it lead you down the shithole of self destruction or you can use it as an unlimited source of motivation"

For me i feel the same way at my current state. Sometimes in glimmers of hope there is a thought in my head:
I have 2 options, i can either
a) commit suicide. I will no longer suffer or feel pain ever again, but i'll no longer be around to see it ever get better and I will leave my family/loved ones behind
Or
b) i can use the rest of my life, the rest of what i have left, to become a complete animal, use the knowledge and strength i do have to improve myself as much as possible and become the most powerful man i can be. fuck it i was up against 100% odds of death before, now i can make the world my oyster. and maybe once i do that, become the man i know i can become, once i see how amazing this world is i wont want to be dead anymore

The problem is I oftentimes feel overwhelmed/defeated by pain rather than motivated/pushed to do and become better by it. How do I reverse this destructive habit of thought? How do I use pain/suffering as a source for good?

 

[Someplace_nice]

I've had the same problem as well, I never figured it out but ik some people who did, they used it in place of SH or to help ignore the problems they've had. I never wanted to do it like that and I never was able to use my depression as fuel, I would start with low expectations and small things tho, if you have low expectations then you're most likely not gonna feel bad for not achieving what you wanted. Like if you struggle with chores like I do you could have the expectation of doing one chore a day, you won't feel bad and your still getting something done, the better you get at it the higher you can raise those expectations until you think you can't anymore, I'm bad at pushing myself so at that point I would talk to someone else but I'd imagine it'd be the same thing. If you go all in than you will give yourself burnout and quit and that's not what life's about. You got a be a winner and that takes time weather it's you just picking up your room or getting something better that I can't think of, I know you can achieve it! It just takes time.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

Oftentimes I hear the saying of something along the lines of "are you depressed? are you heartbroken? are you in pain? if so, you can either let it lead you down the shithole of self destruction or you can use it as an unlimited source of motivation"

For me i feel the same way at my current state. Sometimes in glimmers of hope there is a thought in my head:
I have 2 options, i can either
a) commit suicide. I will no longer suffer or feel pain ever again, but i'll no longer be around to see it ever get better and I will leave my family/loved ones behind
Or
b) i can use the rest of my life, the rest of what i have left, to become a complete animal, use the knowledge and strength i do have to improve myself as much as possible and become the most powerful man i can be. fuck it i was up against 100% odds of death before, now i can make the world my oyster. and maybe once i do that, become the man i know i can become, once i see how amazing this world is i wont want to be dead anymore

The problem is I oftentimes feel overwhelmed/defeated by pain rather than motivated/pushed to do and become better by it. How do I reverse this destructive habit of thought? How do I use pain/suffering as a source for good?

I use it as a way to write poems or lyrics, and ultimately to make music. I have made beautiful tunes from pain, beautiful poems, although if you end up healing, people talk about not being able to listen to the songs they made in their lowest, and that is okay.

I have experienced it too, and it sucks but whatever I was using at the time, whether it's a song I can't listen to, a movie, a picture, that I can't look at anymore, it fulfilled it's purpose, and I am grateful for the things I experienced anyway, and I know I'll make new things and find new music to listen to.

There's no real way to motivate yourself, you just do things anyway. Like how we shower, use the bathroom, eat, even if we have no will, we just do it anyway like autopilot. I hope you can make something, I think everyone in their own way is a creative person, a beautiful person that is meant to express themselves in whatever they find is their niche. Good luck on your journey.

 

[Vivissa]

What best work for me in some case is making into my death plan.
I want that my room is tidy and clean when I death.
So I can clean my room
Dosnt work always. and with complex task is difficult.
I've trying to get another motivations for year but doesnt was a disaster.

 

[fedup1982]

I wish I had something helpful to add here. I feel like free will is an illusion cos I just feel like I'm on an autopilot towards continually just fking my life up. I only seem to do what I have to to get by and that standard keeps slipping and slipping

 

[nembutal]

narrative. we build stories in our heads to eliminate responsibility. the following is how i experienced this in the past and what is working for me now. it is quite radical for this website as it includes what for me were harsh truths and painful (note, painful, not suffering inducing) self reflection.

when i was in constant suffering i was under the narrative of a victim. the world was against me, everyone in my past who "wronged" me were still alive and breathing while i was in constant misery, where's the justice in that? my parents raised me wrong, i can never push through, i am destined to die. everything was everyone else's fault, i was never in the wrong as i thought all i did my entire life was cower in a corner while being cornered and bombarded by the people in my surroundings.

how do you feel about yourself and the world on a daily basis? what story of reality do you tell yourself? are you grounded, or is your perceptive skewed? i always thought i was different than other people, that i would never be able to be in recovery, i told myself that i have way too many diagnoses or i am way too broken or i am too ___ and not enough ____ bla bla bla. i told myself i could pursue hedonism until death and find fulfillment in that.

unfortunately the world is a cruel place, but life is fair only because all of us, whether we live in uganda or australia or fucken north pole whatever, are tied down by the human condition. no one on this planet except for i guess stillborns go through life without experiencing pain. it is a fact that life will never be constant smooth sailing, that every being on this planet experiences pain. when i finally came to terms with that i had two choices. ok i could reject this reality and kill myself, just end my suffering there, Or i could live on and embrace the moments where the water is calm just like billions of people have before me. therefore i am not different -> therefore i can be the same as the people i saw living fulfilling lives -> and it came to the point where i didnt even fucking care if the reality was i was different or that if i am fated to die by my hand, i will fuck fate in the ass to just TRY to feel better.

try to understand what reality skewing perspectives you hold now that keep you in stagnancy, and find evidence for their elimination.

i spoke about addressing victim mentality. what about conquering it. this is when things get radical and you may not read what you'd like to, but perhaps what you need to.

life is a timeline of experiences, when i experience something once and falter it's fine. but when i live through a similar experience next time and do the same jack shit i am essentially stepping on a rake over and over. i saw this pattern in my relationships, in the way i treated my parents after like the age of 18, in addiction. for example i kept getting into abusive relationships knowing i would get hurt like i did the first time. therefore i have responsibility in what happened to me after the first, second time. after age like 16 i had a part to play no matter how big or small in everything that had happened to me that i considered life's cruel hand. why'd i relapse on fentanyl. cause i didn't listen, not because the universe singled me out and put an out of order sign on me. why'd i get hurt by the last boy who fucked me up. cause i willingly put myself into that situation knowing i would get hurt. why was i constantly in suffering after age 18. because i kept trying to find external fulfillment, was never open minded to suggestion, was caught up in delusion.

harsh, cruel, but real. this is the biggest thing that helped me turn pain into power. holy shit if i experienced this any earlier i would probably have faltered immediately. it is a painful realization to come to, that i always chose to place myself in situations that led to horrible agonizing suffering. but isnt that powerful as well? if i have the ability to fuck up my life at age 21 so badly, why can't i use that same energy to do something good for myself? and WTF i never thought i would say this but i wouldn't change a thing. authoritative slavic parents made me sensitive to malice and gave me tougher skin, how to let go of resentment and advocate for myself. losing my ex to fentanyl made me experience grief very early into life and prepared me for the inevitable losses i will experience in the future. the boys who "abandoned" me made me come face to face with the harsh truth that i was not relationship material in that state. men who took advantage of me made me learn the telltale signs of people with malicious intent. how tf can i learn differently if i don't go through it the first time. think about a person in your life who is coddled constantly. do they have high pain tolerance?

read carefully, do not cherry pick. yes there are people who hold 100% responsibility in hurting me in childhood! that is not my fault! and even when i take a percentage of responsibility in events that happened to me afterwards that does not eliminate the fact that the other party had a part to play as well! it's just the understanding that i can keep my ears perked and make decisions wisely to ensure i am never in that type of position again! this means cutting off contact with people who do not serve my upwards progression. deleting internet accounts that expose me to doomerism or pessimism. you are right! the world is so beautiful but we just have to be open to accepting that beauty!

narrative. i can always switch back to the victim role. it's safe there, it's comforting, feeling like nothing that happens to me is ever my fault. but now i play the role of the reformed street rat. i did a complete 180 people in my life are fucking stunned. you can play the role of the beast! of that monster you mentioned!

i hear a lot of hope in your post. i left a contact in my profile if you need any help. please take care, you got this.


i read ur post history im sry, i also love grouper. went to her show in bk in 2023 that's where i met my ex and everything spiraled. i used to not be able to listen without breaking down but again pain -> power i listen to her while strolling or reading now. what's ur fave? i cant get enough of come softly its my top played lastfm track. also her alias under mirroring. i would recc llaleshwari, and anything by malibu (artist who collabed with drain i think shes popular for)

 

[Emillss]

Oftentimes I hear the saying of something along the lines of "are you depressed? are you heartbroken? are you in pain? if so, you can either let it lead you down the shithole of self destruction or you can use it as an unlimited source of motivation"

For me i feel the same way at my current state. Sometimes in glimmers of hope there is a thought in my head:
I have 2 options, i can either
a) commit suicide. I will no longer suffer or feel pain ever again, but i'll no longer be around to see it ever get better and I will leave my family/loved ones behind
Or
b) i can use the rest of my life, the rest of what i have left, to become a complete animal, use the knowledge and strength i do have to improve myself as much as possible and become the most powerful man i can be. fuck it i was up against 100% odds of death before, now i can make the world my oyster. and maybe once i do that, become the man i know i can become, once i see how amazing this world is i wont want to be dead anymore

The problem is I oftentimes feel overwhelmed/defeated by pain rather than motivated/pushed to do and become better by it. How do I reverse this destructive habit of thought? How do I use pain/suffering as a source for good?

That whole "use your sadness as motivation" stuff is misleading. You actually need real goals and want to get better if you're gonna get that kind of sudden motivation. Is this helpful so far? Being sad won't push you forward, you have to actually want something more for yourself

 

[Cowboy_Kid]

Here's something that kind of worked for me (warning: super corny!):

First, acknowledge the bad things that happened to you - don't try to ignore them or sweep them under the rug or pretend they weren't that big of a deal

Second, be gentle and patient with yourself. (at this point you're still in the beginning of the healing phase, so take it slow, at your own pace, minute by minute - don't look at others' recovery process and compare yourself. Take it slow) I always say treat yourself the way you would treat a friend.

Third, try to see the good in every. single. thing. Small or big. Life kicked you in the stomach, beat you up to a pulp, gave you a hand to rise back up..and then spit in your face? Alrighty then, time for round two! (This works for me because I'm a very determined person haha, if I want to do something damn it I will do it) Live INSPITE of life. Live to prove life wrong. Live to prove all the bastards that perpetuatually feed negativity in your life. Find one thing, just one, that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning, and cling to that. The rest will follow afterwards.

I think that if you already have the little seed (however small it may be) you have the chance to fight and survive and live. Do it inspite, inspite, inspite