Discussion How do you react to yourself in the mirror?

[Liebestod]

I'm ugly so yeah that's about it. If I were attractive, tall, and white I doubt I would hate my life as much as I do. But I hate life itself so I guess it wouldn't matter but life would be different for me.

 

[starboy2k]

I flip myself off when I look in the mirror.

 

[martyrdom]

Wondering if anyone here actually feels attractive.

I am very attractive, but it's a source of distress for me now.

When I look in the mirror I feel like I am looking at meat and connective tissue. The same as when you look at a carcass in a butcher's shop.

 

[Andarna]

Hmm, often when I look in the mirror, I feel ashamed. I don't like my face. But there are days when I think it's not so bad. Sometimes I can even notice something pretty in myself. It's quite strange. I get the impression that my face changes depending on… my mood? Maybe hormones? Or maybe just attempts at self‑acceptance.

It also happens that when I observe myself, I feel pure compassion. I see my body as a separate being that has been through a lot. And I think my body deserves better… a better mind, a better soul... one that would know how to take proper care of it.

 

[android]

Ill tell you how I react
I see a stupid bastard with a long face
Emphasis on stupid bastard

 

[somethingisntreal]

I try to avoid looking at my reflection unless it's absolutely necessary.

 

[Anonymousa]

I am one of the few people here that actually does feel physically attractive most of the time when looking at the mirror, thanks to hrt and getting lucky with having a look I am pleased with. Used to be dysphoric before transition. I only really feel negative towards myself now for how I act and feel and think.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I still like looking at myself in the mirror. I'm not an athlete anymore, mostly due to constant vaping, but I think I'm still reasonably fit and handsome.

Part of what's so painful is the fact that in many ways I was dealt a good hand in life. But my thought, speech, and actions got so weird.

 

[tamamori]

i actually think i look not too bad sometimes i just don't process that that's me. it feels like someone else's body that isn't mine staring back at me

 

[ih34rty0u]

i usually disgust myself

 

[Forveleth]

I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror when I was younger because I listened to a lot of external people that told me I was ugly. Now that I am older, I have realized that people are just going to say shit to you, and it really does not matter. I do not mind what I look like. Sometimes I even think I look pretty good.

 

[dead dav]

I look at this old man looking back I imagine how my dead body will look I want to smash my own face in ug I hate myself

 

[Dejected 55]

I'm complicated.

Most days I realize that I just don't look at myself. Not because I'm trying not to, but it's like... how sometimes you look at a clock or at your phone and then a few minutes later you want to know what time it is and you remember you just looked but it didn't register somehow. That's how I "look" in the mirror most of the time... just not consciously processing.

When I was younger I didn't like how I looked. Looking back, though, I realize I never looked as bad as I always thought I did at the time. Not trying to be full of myself or anything... but given enough time to look at older photos objectively as if I'm looking at a new stranger... and I didn't look as bad as I always thought.

Of course, no one ever told me I looked good... so there was no external reinforcement for anything... and with women tending to avoid me if they knew I liked them, why wouldn't I assume I was hideous?

But... I had been growing my beard and my hair was unkempt when I went into the medical facility recently after my attempt... and while in there I didn't care for myself well... so when I finally got out, first thing I did after a good night's sleep was to shower and then shave my head and shave my beard mostly gone, keeping a goattee basically... and when I was done, and looked at myself in the mirror... I honestly thought I looked good.

Not just "not bad" but actually good. It was an odd thought, but it felt genuine. Of course in the course of my life I don't think how I looked has ever really mattered... good or bad... but it was nice to look at myself and not recoil and not over-judge myself and just feel good in my skin.

 

[calebzz1]

Personally, I do not.

I look so guant and tired due to dealing with my vision impairment.

I also see two clones of myself if I let my eyes relax enough, it's pretty scary but I'm used to it.

 

[toyu]

For me it depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling alright, then nothing, otherwise sort of disgusted and sort of afraid. I kind of try to avoid looking at mirrors when I feel like that, since looking at myself just ends up being extremely uncomfortable.

 

[Cauliflour]

Staring at people is weird. I'm already terrible at eye contact, I don't want my reflection to be looking at me like that. One of the reasons why I keep my fringe covering one of my eyes.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

At first I'll be fine, then I'll start to notice all the flaws, the imperfections, everything that I don't like. I could mask it with makeup, but I don't have the will to do that, so all I sit in is despair. People may say that you need to learn to be fine with your appearance, generally I am, but when you sit in the throes of depression everything else falls suit.

 

[underairpressure]

I avoid seeing my reflection as much as feasibly possible. It's not even just about looking hideous, I feel intensely disconnected from the body I'm in. So to me, it's not even "my" face in the mirror, which is extremely disturbing and upsetting.

I mostly feel disgusted, or deeply saddened when I DO see my reflection....... but I won't lie, there've been times I felt an extreme urge to smash the mirror.

 

[joey2424]

I typically feel disgusted by my reflection. I don't turn the light on in the bathroom to avoid the mirror. Sometimes I stare closely at my face and don't recognize myself.

When I'm fully done up with makeup and a nice outfit, I do sometimes think I'm attractive. I don't recognize that person either though.

 

[Chairbed3]

Fear and disconnection from my flesh.
The mirror is scary it reflects my suffering and reminds me that I'm a real person. I tend to not look too long.

 

[SonicNurse]

I see the past and the future stretched out before me, if that makes any sense. There's still a little bit of that scared little kid who stared at the ground as he walked to class, and there's a little bit of the ugly, frail man with the brutish jaw that I know I'll become if I don't CTB. I almost never see myself looking back at me.

 

[Wishingforadream]

Disgusted and a bit disturbed.

Not looking at myself, but a "corpse" in a way. It's not me, not even really a person.
It's quite disturbing and I tend to avoid mirrors as much as possible.

 

[Chairbed3]

I see the past and the future stretched out before me, if that makes any sense.

I couldn't recognise this feeling and put it into words. Me too.

 

[instormdrains]

Usually feel disgusted or sad. I feel better when I do self care like shaving or skin care or whenever my hair looks nice. I do the James Sunderland blank stare in the mirror a lot lmao

 

[°opulentGambler°]

I've accepted I'm just ugly, so most of the time it's just indifference, though every once in a while it's bad enough to sour my mood

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

Depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm in a good mood, I see myself more like the way I used to be, and the way I feel inside. If I'm not, I see myself the way others see me.