Discussion How do you quit procrastinating your suicide?

[bluemoon777]

I've been looking to ctb for a while now, but I keep procrastinating, and finding things to do, which bothers me because I just want to ctb already. For example, a while ago I was going to attempt partial hanging, but it was windy and my thought process was like "it's too windy, and my body will swing around and make noise which will alert people, and I will be rescued" any tips on how to quit procrastinating/ putting off catching the bus?

 

[Mooncry]

Pure, immovable determination and challenging the excuses your SI makes up to put off dying another day. Benzos could help alleviate SI and make you more indifferent to the idea of dying, but they're a double-edged sword in that they can also make you feel okay enough to not die.

I think it's mostly about resolve, and resolve can be hard to find. I've been procrastinating for going on three months now since my SN arrived, despite how badly I want to get it over with. It's not easy.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I would think procrastination is a sign you're not ready to cbt. I've been wanting to die for years but not done anything beacause I'm a coward, not because of procrastination.

 

[2muchpain2]

I would think procrastination is a sign you're not ready to cbt. I've been wanting to die for years but not done anything beacause I'm a coward, not because of procrastination.

im a coward too i hate that about myself

 

[SuicideKitty]

Counting my money.

 

[ConstantPain]

I procrastinate everything, every day. It sucks

 

[bluemoon777]

I wish

Pure, immovable determination and challenging the excuses your SI makes up to put off dying another day. Benzos could help alleviate SI and make you more indifferent to the idea of dying, but they're a double-edged sword in that they can also make you feel okay enough to not die.

I think it's mostly about resolve, and resolve can be hard to find. I've been procrastinating for going on three months now since my SN arrived, despite how badly I want to get it over with. It's not eas

Pure, immovable determination and challenging the excuses your SI makes up to put off dying another day. Benzos could help alleviate SI and make you more indifferent to the idea of dying, but they're a double-edged sword in that they can also make you feel okay enough to not die.

I think it's mostly about resolve, and resolve can be hard to find. I've been procrastinating for going on three months now since my SN arrived, despite how badly I want to get it over with. It's not easy.

I see I see. I think it's to due with the method, I'll be trying full hanging as I don't have access to SN, and don't know where I would order it. I feel if I had SN I could just down it without thinking, but hanging is scary

I procrastinate everything, every day. It sucks

I feel you

I would think procrastination is a sign you're not ready to cbt. I've been wanting to die for years but not done anything beacause I'm a coward, not because of procrastination.

I was ready for a while, and actively attempting, but it stopped and I don't know why. I think my cowardice kicked in

 

[Mooncry]

I feel if I had SN I could just down it without thinking, but hanging is scary

Don't underestimate SI with SN either. I also thought it would be easy to just down it without thinking, but I ended up pouring it down the drain instead. Twice. I think if you're not strong enough to overcome SI, the method you use won't really make much difference. Determination has to come from you.

 

[bluemoon777]

Don't underestimate SI with SN either. I also thought it would be easy to just down it without thinking, but I ended up pouring it down the drain instead. Twice. I think if you're not strong enough to overcome SI, the method you use won't really make much difference. Determination has to come from you.

I see I see

 

[teeteringontheedge]

Procrastinating your attempts on CTB are nothing unusual i can tell you that much ^^

I procrastinated my previous attempts multiple times before i eventually attempted it .... not always out of sheer willpower either but rather pure emotional driven impulse.

And thats the thing with "trying to stamp your ticket" there is only 2 ways to actually go and do it - either pure discipline and willpower or having something that bypasses ones hesitation and SI like drugs and emotions.
If you stand in the kitchen with your cake knife in hand fully intent on stabbing yourself the first thought youll have is probably "how much will it hurt".
At which point the rational mind imagines pain which then goes on with stuff like "what will happen if you succeed" and boom you lay down the knife.
It takes an moment of no hesitation to just go for it.
But even if you did stab yourself multiple times its not over that easily as death takes minutes, so youll stand there and depending on your pain sensitivity you will collapse to the ground, youll probably clutch your wound adding a few moment before your eventual doom and once the adrenaline fully stops youll also most likely start making some noise which can jeopardize the entire undertaking.

But outside of just having sheer determination to just fight the SI there is also strong emotions and drugs- the time emotional turmoil or medication short circuits your rationality varies based from person to person but sometimes its long enough to cover the time it takes for death to pay a visit after having commited.

i myself wouldnt be surprised if a good chunk of the more spontaneous suicide attempt methods (raiding the medication cabinet, jumping of the next window, swallowing all kinds of washing detergents and cleaners, stabbing and cutting yourself with household or office utensils) are the result of such impulse decisions whilst under the influence given that each of them usually dont even take more then a minute to commit to.

Unlike for example SN and hanging because they take a bit of planning, specific materials and proper prep work - which is to long for an simple short emotional outburst or an lower dose of drugs to cover... sadly the above described sort of impulsivity and spontanity can heavily affect the success rate of the attempt due to lack of planning and precision.

So in the end for an truly successfull attempt at CTB youre just left with trying to find the motivation and determination to either work out your SI or push past it no matter what.

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

Death is a liberation.
And like every true liberation, it is not easy.
Not because it's complex, but because it has been made sacred, forbidden, wrapped in fear and guilt.
Biology says: 'No, stay.'
Religion says: 'Suffer, and earn grace.'
Politics — which pretends to be secular — imitates religion in everything:
it punishes those who want to leave, and glorifies those who endure.

Once, there were barbiturates.
A box, a glass of brandy or Baileys, a quiet decision.
The person went home, played a record, wrote a few lines, and let go.
Fell asleep without pain.
It was too easy. And so, unacceptable.
They couldn't allow someone to leave without paying a price.
So they banned everything soft, fast, painless.
Now, only threat remains. The filter of fear. The rawness of the naked gesture.

And yet, it's still simple. Not easy, but simple.
A rope. A solid anchor point. A knot.
Suspension.
The body stops reacting.
Breath breaks.
Time implodes inward.
No spectacle needed. No farewell speech. Just decision.

But we've reached a paradoxical place:
we can no longer bear even 5 or 15 seconds of concentrated physical pain,
yet we can endure years, decades of diluted psychological agony —
which isn't even that diluted,
because life strikes in sudden, brutal blows,
again and again,
with a precision that borders on mythological cruelty.
There are people who fear those few seconds of tension —
but have already survived traumas that would make that moment pale in comparison.

The problem is not that it's impossible.
The problem is that we've been convinced it must hurt — and hurt a lot.
That you have to "earn" your exit.
That you must pay in fear for what you choose in clarity.

And if you don't have that kind of courage, you will stay.
And here, we suffer. We suffer a lot.
But don't say it can't be done.
It can.
It's just that the world has done everything it can to make you believe you can't.

 

[usernamesarehard]

You just have to be ready. If someone's ready, nothing will stop them.

For years I was extremely suicidal, but never even attempted anything because I was too scared. I wasn't ready.

Now I'm just done. I'm fed up with life. I have some things I want to do, so I plan to ctb next year, in November to be exact. Until then I'm going to go hard at my goals. Any time not spent working on the things that are important to me is time spent wasted. I have a deadline and I'm not planning on extending it.

Don't rush it. When you're ready, you'll know.

 

[tpboy]

if you procrastinate that just means that your situation here on earth has just not gotten bad enough yet. The people who were not suicidal prior to the trade center having a plane fly into it and then were about to be consumed by fire. Then they were able to find the courage to dive out of a 75-story window. They chose suicide to be burned alive. When you are to the point you are feeling like you are burning alve with no hope that it will ever get any better SI becomes less of a factor.

 

[tshirt]

Death is a liberation.
And like every true liberation, it is not easy.
Not because it's complex, but because it has been made sacred, forbidden, wrapped in fear and guilt.
Biology says: 'No, stay.'
Religion says: 'Suffer, and earn grace.'
Politics — which pretends to be secular — imitates religion in everything:
it punishes those who want to leave, and glorifies those who endure.

Once, there were barbiturates.
A box, a glass of brandy or Baileys, a quiet decision.
The person went home, played a record, wrote a few lines, and let go.
Fell asleep without pain.
It was too easy. And so, unacceptable.
They couldn't allow someone to leave without paying a price.
So they banned everything soft, fast, painless.
Now, only threat remains. The filter of fear. The rawness of the naked gesture.

And yet, it's still simple. Not easy, but simple.
A rope. A solid anchor point. A knot.
Suspension.
The body stops reacting.
Breath breaks.
Time implodes inward.
No spectacle needed. No farewell speech. Just decision.

But we've reached a paradoxical place:
we can no longer bear even 5 or 15 seconds of concentrated physical pain,
yet we can endure years, decades of diluted psychological agony —
which isn't even that diluted,
because life strikes in sudden, brutal blows,
again and again,
with a precision that borders on mythological cruelty.
There are people who fear those few seconds of tension —
but have already survived traumas that would make that moment pale in comparison.

The problem is not that it's impossible.
The problem is that we've been convinced it must hurt — and hurt a lot.
That you have to "earn" your exit.
That you must pay in fear for what you choose in clarity.

And if you don't have that kind of courage, you will stay.
And here, we suffer. We suffer a lot.
But don't say it can't be done.
It can.
It's just that the world has done everything it can to make you believe you can't.

awesome post

 

[Renato]

Death is a liberation.
And like every true liberation, it is not easy.
Not because it's complex, but because it has been made sacred, forbidden, wrapped in fear and guilt.
Biology says: 'No, stay.'
Religion says: 'Suffer, and earn grace.'
Politics — which pretends to be secular — imitates religion in everything:
it punishes those who want to leave, and glorifies those who endure.

Once, there were barbiturates.
A box, a glass of brandy or Baileys, a quiet decision.
The person went home, played a record, wrote a few lines, and let go.
Fell asleep without pain.
It was too easy. And so, unacceptable.
They couldn't allow someone to leave without paying a price.
So they banned everything soft, fast, painless.
Now, only threat remains. The filter of fear. The rawness of the naked gesture.

And yet, it's still simple. Not easy, but simple.
A rope. A solid anchor point. A knot.
Suspension.
The body stops reacting.
Breath breaks.
Time implodes inward.
No spectacle needed. No farewell speech. Just decision.

But we've reached a paradoxical place:
we can no longer bear even 5 or 15 seconds of concentrated physical pain,
yet we can endure years, decades of diluted psychological agony —
which isn't even that diluted,
because life strikes in sudden, brutal blows,
again and again,
with a precision that borders on mythological cruelty.
There are people who fear those few seconds of tension —
but have already survived traumas that would make that moment pale in comparison.

The problem is not that it's impossible.
The problem is that we've been convinced it must hurt — and hurt a lot.
That you have to "earn" your exit.
That you must pay in fear for what you choose in clarity.

And if you don't have that kind of courage, you will stay.
And here, we suffer. We suffer a lot.
But don't say it can't be done.
It can.
It's just that the world has done everything it can to make you believe you can't.

This is my first post, and I wanted to say it's because of contributions like this that I decided to join. Such truth expressed in such beautiful way.

 

[omgisthatashley]

You just have to be ready. If someone's ready, nothing will stop them.

For years I was extremely suicidal, but never even attempted anything because I was too scared. I wasn't ready.

Now I'm just done. I'm fed up with life. I have some things I want to do, so I plan to ctb next year, in November to be exact. Until then I'm going to go hard at my goals. Any time not spent working on the things that are important to me is time spent wasted. I have a deadline and I'm not planning on extending it.

Don't rush it. When you're ready, you'll know.

god im so ready. I just want to go and free everyone from my presence. I owe so many so much that I can never repay, and the longer I stay the more debt I accumulate.
I cant help but hurt the people I love and that care about me. I want to not care what happens afterwards because I literally wont be able to, but I cant stand to leave them with nothing. Or so hurting they're worse off without me. I feel like after a year or so of freedom, they'll have moved on and realized how much they wish it had just happened sooner.

I cant fail again. That's what is stopping me. Make enough money to leave him comfortable, buy a gun, and maybe some coke now that I have a lead. And write notes I suppose. Bid farewell and all.

Its been too long.