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I

IWantToSleep

Experienced
Dec 27, 2020
227
I feel anxious and depressed that I feel like I have to do this, especially because of what it could do to certain people, not particularly comforted. I suppose I'll have to work on that, but I thought I'd ask you guys.
 
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Soulless Angel

Soulless Angel

Did someone say Rum?
Jul 6, 2020
1,272
whats brought you to the path of wanting to CTB? Sometimes the idea of it is comfort alone, knowing there is a way out of this hell, not comfortable with it? then rethink it!
 
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nihilism44

nihilism44

trying my best
May 2, 2021
79
I'm gonna give you an honest answer. It shouldn't be a comforting thought. It's a comforting thought to some of us because we are sick and broken. If it isn't a comforting thought to you, it means you are not ready to go. There is no shame in that.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,522
In a way thinking of suicide can be a comfort to me when I am suffering a lot as it is the one escape and the way to find peace. However thinking about methods doesn't comfort me, as it is hard to take our lives. As humans we are programmed to survive and methods can go wrong.
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
I feel anxious and depressed that I feel like I have to do this, especially because of what it could do to certain people, not particularly comforted.
Well, for some people it's a matter of being forced to choose the lesser of 2 evils. When their suffering becomes absolutely unbearable, they ctb even though they aren't comforted by the idea of dying...
 
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Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,621
Strangely it's the same thing that makes it not comforting. Knowing it will all be over soon
 
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progeria

progeria

Member
Jul 18, 2021
44
I feel anxious and depressed that I feel like I have to do this, especially because of what it could do to certain people, not particularly comforted. I suppose I'll have to work on that, but I thought I'd ask you guys.
I think when you understand that the future is worse than death, then the thought of suicide brings comfort
 
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Lmd

Lmd

Elementalist
Jul 12, 2020
812
Having the option and all ready to do it when I have guts gives me comfort. I don't have to worry or force myself to do other stuff but of course this is something I actively want. If suicide would be my only way to go without wanting it then I would be anxious the whole time.
 
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xBrialesana

xBrialesana

Become Dust With Me, My Love.
Dec 17, 2019
552
To be honest it's my only comforting thought lol.
 
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Callie Arcale

Callie Arcale

It’s a tale told by an idiot signifying nothing
Feb 10, 2021
852
Thinking of death is like falling back, arms stretched out, on a big, soft pillow, with the biggest smile on my face.

Nothing gives me as much inner peace as the thought that one day I will disappear.

The only good thing I'll ever do in this life is to feed them worms who will feast on my corpse as I lie in my coffin.
 
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VivantMort

VivantMort

PleromaKenoma
Jul 28, 2021
35
To be honest it's my only comforting thought lol.
This post reminded me of the following excerpt I wrote to myself in my Keep/Notes app a while back when thoughts of euthanising myself was immensely comforting:

"Contemplating the reality of my impending death is my only Consolation, providing me immense Comfort, Joy, Despair, Peace, Happiness, Sadness, Satisfaction, Serenity, Tranquility and Contentment."
 
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T

toforigivelife

Arcanist
Jul 5, 2021
493
Do you feel conflicted about suicide?

Or do you want to commit suicide but it's only the thought of hurting your family that's holding you back?

Do you feel trapped in a situation or do you genuinely want to end your life but don't want to hurt others?
 
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U

UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
2,449
Its my only comfort. Knowing that I can leave this shitty existence behind.
 
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C

Cant go back

Man, I really f****d up
Apr 15, 2021
105
I don't think you make it comforting. It should just be comforting based on your situation. If you're trying to justify it then you might not be ready.
 
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VivantMort

VivantMort

PleromaKenoma
Jul 28, 2021
35
Do you feel conflicted about suicide?

Or do you want to commit suicide but it's only the thought of hurting your family that's holding you back?

Do you feel trapped in a situation or do you genuinely want to end your life but don't want to hurt others?

Really like your username, 'toforgivelife'. Resonnates deeply.

Here are my respones to the questions:

"Do you feel conflicted about suicide?" [euthanasia] Nope

"Or do you want to commit suicide but it's only the thought of hurting your family that's holding you back?" Yes

"Do you feel trapped in a situation or do you genuinely want to end your life but don't want to hurt others?" Yes and Yes

Thanks for posing these questions. Definitely salient to my current contemplation on the matter.

Take good care and best well wishes :)
 
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toforigivelife

Arcanist
Jul 5, 2021
493
Really like your username, 'toforgivelife'. Resonnates deeply.

Here are my respones to the questions:

"Do you feel conflicted about suicide?" [euthanasia] Nope

"Or do you want to commit suicide but it's only the thought of hurting your family that's holding you back?" Yes

"Do you feel trapped in a situation or do you genuinely want to end your life but don't want to hurt others?" Yes and Yes

Thanks for posing these questions. Definitely salient to my current contemplation on the matter.

Take good care and best well wishes :)
You're welcome.

Side note: my username was supposed to be toforgivelife, to forgive life, a bit an Oscar Wilde quote about the peace and beauty you find in death, but I misspelled it. :-)

This is the trap we all find ourselves in. I guess we all just have to make that decision. It's an agonizing one.

I don't want anyone to get jealous but I've been abandoned by my family so I've got it easy in that sense. But I, for some reason, wrestle with not traumatizing these blood relations who don't care about me.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Night Mother? It's old, it wasn't in theaters, it stars Anne Bancroft and Sissy Spacek and Spacek's character keeps trying to explain to her mother why she's ending her life.

Needless to say the film reasonated with me.

I don't know. We'll all have to take the plunge, one way or another.

Wishing you well. Wishing you weren't suicidal or in this position.
 
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Pure

Pure

Specialist
Jun 29, 2021
366
You don't; it's something that naturally happens when you're life is shit enough.

I find the concept of death scary but suicide to me is comforting, if that makes sense. At the end of the day, it's a battle of what you prioritize more.
 
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Superdeterminist

Superdeterminist

Enlightened
Apr 5, 2020
1,876
Recognising that it brings an end to all of the shitty suffering.
 
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CatTheBus5689

CatTheBus5689

Member
Jun 22, 2021
76
It brings me comfort when I realize my problems won't be my problems. That even if my worst fears come true and my life goes down hill I won't be here to see it.

I'm right here right now, my worries don't extend past what I want to indulge in tomorrow. And when the time comes I'll be willing to let everything go.
 
VivantMort

VivantMort

PleromaKenoma
Jul 28, 2021
35
You're welcome.

Side note: my username was supposed to be toforgivelife, to forgive life, a bit an Oscar Wilde quote about the peace and beauty you find in death, but I misspelled it. :-)

This is the trap we all find ourselves in. I guess we all just have to make that decision. It's an agonizing one.

I don't want anyone to get jealous but I've been abandoned by my family so I've got it easy in that sense. But I, for some reason, wrestle with not traumatizing these blood relations who don't care about me.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Night Mother? It's old, it wasn't in theaters, it stars Anne Bancroft and Sissy Spacek and Spacek's character keeps trying to explain to her mother why she's ending her life.

Needless to say the film reasonated with me.

I don't know. We'll all have to take the plunge, one way or another.

Wishing you well. Wishing you weren't suicidal or in this position.

Hey, thanks for your reply. Regarding your username, I didn't even notice it was misspelled, but the inadvertent "i" could be seen to replace the "to" which would then read "iforgivelife" which to me is a very profound concept. If one could really, actually *forgive* life ("life" being open to myriad meanings/interpretations/definitions), one could even perhaps substitute the word "life" for "God", "the Source" or "Nature", "evolution" or whatever one perceives and/or believes to be the ultimate cause or source of this agonizing trap called "life". Who knows, perhaps 'Forgiveness' in its many forms could set us all free?

Anyway, its a wonderful username that prompted my mind to ponder such matters. My mind's first response to "forgive life" was recall of the music and lyrics of the song, "I Dreamed A Dream" (I prefer to name it "Life Killed the Dreams", referring to the last line of the song) from the Broadway musical, Les Misérables. As you may know, it is an intensely passionate song that can "turn on the waterworks" that at times gush from my eyes when I listen to it while in a particular state of mind/emotion. The versions sung by Anne Hathaway or Ruthie Henshall resonnate within me the most deeply, but there are many versions that are also brilliant as well. Oh, and I've always been fond of Oscar Wilde's musings, and it would probably do me some good to agree with his idea that "Life is far too important a thing to ever talk seriously about", but in my view talking/thinking about life seriously is one of the most important things for me as I find talking and thinking seriously about life to be extraordinarily meaningful; even when I feel and perceive that life can be utterly meaningless at times.

It pains me to hear that you've been abandoned by your family. I am heartily sorry that happened. I feel, experience, and know that it is objectively true that I have in many, many ways been abandoned by my family also, which naturally communicates to me that they do not care about or value me. However, I'm using the situation to really realize that me/myself and I have absolute inherent value and absolute inherent worth completely totally and entirely independent of family, friends, peopled society, et cetera and so on, ad nauseam. Ironically, in the context of positive family ties being a hindrance to "accomplishing certain things", it makes perfect sense that people who still have those kinds of family relations would be a bit jellie. In many ways, I can relate.

Thanks for mentioning the movie 'Night, Mother'. I haven't seen it yet but it is definitely on my "to watch" list. From the description it seems it may be very apt and appropriate to one my concerns. As far as movies along that kind of theme, I just recently watched "The Virgin Suicides" which had appealing eye-candy but the old 70's movie "Harold and Maude" is one of my all time faves and I definitely recommend. It's considered to contain "dark existentialist humor" elements, which I find to be wonderfully comforting as those types of things seem to "appease the daemons" and such.

Anyway, I wish that neither you nor I nor anybody was experiencing the types of pains and sufferings that bring us to this site, but I am grateful it exists so that people like us have an outlet to be really real about what's going on within us so that ideally we can all be virtually supportive and encourage each other to be well, regardless of the state of being (or non-being) that wellness may be.

Take good care and wishing you and all well as well :)
 
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toforigivelife

Arcanist
Jul 5, 2021
493
Harold and Maude was great.

I'm glad 'Night Mother is on your watch list, it's a good one. I, of course, sympathized with Spacek's character.

The film explores that gulf between the suicidal and those who cannot fathom why someone would want to end their own life. Spacek does her level best to explain her decision in order to spare her mother pain but her mother's pain and grief is inevitable and unavoidable.

I wish the two of us were in a better place too and I also wish you all the best. I really do.
 
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ncmxm

ncmxm

Experienced
Jun 9, 2021
232
I find the concept of death scary but suicide to me is comforting, if that makes sense.

It makes sense, I feel the same or a very similar way

Death and nothingness scares me but suicide comforts me
 
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Rayzieka

Rayzieka

Not Really Here
Apr 28, 2021
637
I think when you start using suicide as a way out in your mind to simple problems or low days it becomes a comfort.
 
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Dear Agony

Dear Agony

The Void
Jan 24, 2020
296
It can be very bittersweet if you are driven to it by life situations you can't escape and have no other choice, but I'd say wait until you either find comfort in it, or don't do it at all. If you have a specific reason to be anxious and afraid of death, I'd say think it through. Find logic in it. If the situation is painful enough, you'll be driven to the edge, which is finding death comforting. If you don't, there's no point in killing yourself.
 
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