How do you know?

[Irrelevant biologist]

How do you know if you are ready? Yes I realize I am not. But since my dad did it I kind of feel like he just gave me permission to. Does that sound weird? Like, how do you really know?

 

[SpottedPanda]

I've been at a stalemate in my life for years now, and the novelty has well ans truly worn off.

I'm single, no prospects, and tired of living. Now is a good time for me. I feel quite certain.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

I've been at a stalemate in my life for years now, and the novelty has well ans truly worn off.

I'm single, no prospects, and tired of living. Now is a good time for me. I feel quite certain.

I'm sorry to hear that. Hugs!

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm sorry to hear that. Hugs!

Thanks, appreciate it

 

[Dead beat dad]

I think this actually comes and goes with the various ebbs and flows of your life.
I don't know about you but there have been some days when I have been seconds away from shuffling off the mortal coil and other days when I feel like I could take on the Empire myself, and everything in between.
I suppose somewhat ironically you won't ever know until its 'too late' so to speak, in which case maybe you will be at peace anyways.
I wish you peace my brother.

DBD

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

I think this actually comes and goes with the various ebbs and flows of your life.
I don't know about you but there have been some days when I have been seconds away from shuffling off the mortal coil and other days when I feel like I could take on the Empire myself, and everything in between.
I suppose somewhat ironically you won't ever know until its 'too late' so to speak, in which case maybe you will be at peace anyways.
I wish you peace my brother.

DBD

I'm a sister. Lol. Yes I can agree with you. I feel so suicidal right now, I am trying to drink enough that I pass out and don't act on it. That's my everyday.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I'm a sister. Lol. Yes I can agree with you. I feel so suicidal right now, I am trying to drink enough that I pass out and don't act on it. That's my everyday.

Apologies sister. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I can relate to drinking to numb the pain, I know people will say that's not the right play (and it's not) but sometimes it's the only play.
Good luck on your journey sister and I sincerely hope that some light shines on you.

DBD

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Apologies sister. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I can relate to drinking to numb the pain, I know people will say that's not the right play (and it's not) but sometimes it's the only play.
Good luck on your journey sister and I sincerely hope that some light shines on you.

DBD

Thank you. Yes I believe right now it is better than any alternative....

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I wish i could disagree with you both about the drinking, but I can't. Been there. You'll take any deal, even a bad one, when it's the only deal on the table.
I'm sorry you feel so awful @Irrelevant biologist

 

[FriendofDeath]

I hear you, about feeling you have permission since your father did it. Why do you want to go? Is it because of his loss? What's going on with you? I have had a few times where I was ready - my mind cleared and all I could see was the end. The first time it happened, the moment had passed (Came up with what I should have done too late.) The second time, the person backed down. Both situations were impulsive and might not have worked out well. Sounds like that's where you're coming from right now. How long ago did you lose your father? Have you received any therapy? Seems like you know when you have a plan, research it and prepare and then feel a sense of relief about your decision.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

I wish i could disagree with you both about the drinking, but I can't. Been there. You'll take any deal, even a bad one, when it's the only deal on the table.
I'm sorry you feel so awful @Irrelevant biologist

Thank you. It's like, I want help, but no one has been able to ever help. I'm sick of trying. I'm beating my head against a wall. Yeah the alcohol is my only option as I still need to actually function until a final decision is made.

I hear you, about feeling you have permission since your father did it. Why do you want to go? Is it because of his loss? What's going on with you? I have had a few times where I was ready - my mind cleared and all I could see was the end. The first time it happened, the moment had passed (Came up with what I should have done too late.) The second time, the person backed down. Both situations were impulsive and might not have worked out well. Sounds like that's where you're coming from right now. How long ago did you lose your father? Have you received any therapy? Seems like you know when you have a plan, research it and prepare and then feel a sense of relief about your decision.

I lost him 3 months ago. Been suicidal since age 9 but held on because it was socially unacceptable. Now that dad did it, it seems ok to do. Yes I am trying therapy, and my dr just doubled my meds. So yes I am trying.... I'm just so tired. I have no friends and am in a dead end marriage. My daughter has been the one thing keeping me going. But.... my dad didn't exactly set a good example on that front.... I'm just so.... tired.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

And I'm sorry about your dad too
I hope you can find the will to keep going, for yourself as well as your daughter. You may find friends on here, though it may take a while. I'd join you in a drink, but booze has destroyed my body after thirty years of abuse so I'm not drinking anymore. I dream of cool pints of bitter.

 

[FriendofDeath]

3 months after a suicide, I would think you were still in shock. How is your child handling it? Are you getting support from your husband? I actually had grief counseling through Hosparus, and it was free (they have a sliding scale). They also had groups, which helped some, too. There are online groups that can give you another place to express how your father's death has affected you. Also, a lot of people do well with a therapy called EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) that is helpful for trauma and it produces fairly quick relief.

I am pro-choice. It's why I found this community, so I'm not trying to tell you you're wrong for what you're feeling. You've been fighting this on your own since you were very young. Whatever you decide, sending light and love!

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

3 months after a suicide, I would think you were still in shock. How is your child handling it? Are you getting support from your husband? I actually had grief counseling through Hosparus, and it was free (they have a sliding scale). They also had groups, which helped some, too. There are online groups that can give you another place to express how your father's death has affected you. Also, a lot of people do well with a therapy called EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) that is helpful for trauma and it produces fairly quick relief.

I am pro-choice. It's why I found this community, so I'm not trying to tell you you're wrong for what you're feeling. You've been fighting this on your own since you were very young. Whatever you decide, sending light and love!

Thank you. Yes I am probably still in shock. I am very angry about it. My daughter says she's doing alright. I actually found this site from a FB suicide grief page believe it or not. They were so mad at you guys because their loved one was a member. My husband just hands me the bottle.

 

[RepressedMind]

Imagine that your sanity is a glass full of water and life is like a rock that you drop within it.

An easy way to notice that you are ready, is if life itself is making the water in that glass overflow, which means that your sanity can no longer hold the weight of the rock.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Thank you everyone

 

[Walilamdzi]

 

[FriendofDeath]

Thank you. Yes I am probably still in shock. I am very angry about it. My daughter says she's doing alright. I actually found this site from a FB suicide grief page believe it or not. They were so mad at you guys because their loved one was a member. My husband just hands me the bottle.

Same way I found the site!

 

[DoodleBug]

I think this actually comes and goes with the various ebbs and flows of your life.
I don't know about you but there have been some days when I have been seconds away from shuffling off the mortal coil and other days when I feel like I could take on the Empire myself, and everything in between.
I suppose somewhat ironically you won't ever know until its 'too late' so to speak, in which case maybe you will be at peace anyways.
I wish you peace my brother.

DBD

There is some truth to that. The fluctuations of every day's circumstances make your interpretation of your own happenstance really hard to judge. I would assume most people here don't trust themselves one way or another. Sometimes it's not even the state of affairs that might send you to a breaking point - you might feel absolutely awesome while your funds are crumbling, or you are unfathomably empty and ready to go while marrying the love of your life. For most of the time it's hard to objectively analyze what you feel and during our darkest moments we've misinterpreted a lot of things*. This statement is rather obvious, but we fall back into those depths of hell anyway and our feet somehow keep on being tangled in the tentacles coming from what slumbers under the land of our psyche again and again and again.

I interpret the feeling of absolute readiness by not worrying about the clock anymore. I worry too much about time, so its a subjective thing. There's illimitable clarity in my routine out of a sudden, and this is the thing that usually carries me to not commit to the date. My lurkng ass even mentioned in a post I wrote a couple of months ago that my date comes in two weeks from then. Spoiler: I was hungover.

And as dead beat dad has also said: we won't even know when its too late. We keep on analyzing, making some steps towards recovery, then two steps backwards. We either will live to at least see our grandchildren or we shall perish out of nowhere, during either the good or bad. Going along with an impulse until there's no going back after the mistake is concluded or a spontaneous pestilence screwing us up as we sit around doing nothing and overthinking either our failures or mortality itself?

Well, I guess I can say is that hanging on requires you to clutch a straw. You can also...you know what..with...it. Peace to y'all c :

* I don't know, me writing in plural might be putting everybody into one bucket - bear with me pls xd

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

There is some truth to that. The fluctuations of every day's circumstances make your interpretation of your own happenstance really hard to judge. I would assume most people here don't trust themselves one way or another. Sometimes it's not even the state of affairs that might send you to a breaking point - you might feel absolutely awesome while your funds are crumbling, or you are unfathomably empty and ready to go while marrying the love of your life. For most of the time it's hard to objectively analyze what you feel and during our darkest moments we've misinterpreted a lot of things*. This statement is rather obvious, but we fall back into those depths of hell anyway and our feet somehow keep on being tangled in the tentacles coming from what slumbers under the land of our psyche again and again and again.

I interpret the feeling of absolute readiness by not worrying about the clock anymore. I worry too much about time, so its a subjective thing. There's illimitable clarity in my routine out of a sudden, and this is the thing that usually carries me to not commit to the date. My lurkng ass even mentioned in a post I wrote a couple of months ago that my date comes in two weeks from then. Spoiler: I was hungover.

And as dead beat dad has also said: we won't even know when its too late. We keep on analyzing, making some steps towards recovery, then two steps backwards. We either will live to at least see our grandchildren or we shall perish out of nowhere, during either the good or bad. Going along with an impulse until there's no going back after the mistake is concluded or a spontaneous pestilence screwing us up as we sit around doing nothing and overthinking either our failures or mortality itself?

Well, I guess I can say is that hanging on requires you to clutch a straw. You can also...you know what..with...it. Peace to y'all c :

* I don't know, me writing in plural might be putting everybody into one bucket - bear with me pls xd

Makes absolute sense. Thank you.

 

[dysfunctional]

I'm a sister. Lol. Yes I can agree with you. I feel so suicidal right now, I am trying to drink enough that I pass out and don't act on it. That's my everyday.

Been there. A tiny suicide everyday.