how do you know you're ready for CTB?

[tora]

my life is getting worse and worse everyday. I want to CTB so so badly, but I'm so scared of failing again. those of you that have a date set: how did you know you were ready to CTB? how did you overcome the fear? my method will be firearm, but I'm constantly making up excuses not to buy one because I know when I have one it'll become so real. how do I get over my fear and just go through with it? I'm sick of being alive. I'm so burnt out from work, I have no friends, I have no interests or passions or anything that I enjoy doing. I have no future. I know I have a few years left to live at best. I can't take it any longer than that.
sorry, i'm just venting at this point. I'm just so overwhelmed and I just feel sick whenever I think about life and everyone I love has abandoned me and I'm just completely alone and I know nothing will ever improve and CTB is my only option but I'm so scared and I want to enjoy life so badly. I look at people who are happy and enjoy their jobs and go out with friends and it makes me so angry at them. I want to be like them, but I know I'll always be the way I am. I wish one of my previous attempts had succeeded so that I wouldn't have to build the courage to try it all over again.
ugh. my life has just been spiralling so quickly recently and I just wish I didn't have to deal with it anymore.
I want it to be over. I'm just so fucking terrified.

 

[leavingsoon99]

What helps me is just getting clarity about my life and situation. It's why I've moved the date up for my ctb. I'm using a firearm as well. I know it sounds hard, but I just took all of the emotion out of my desire to self-terminate and just simply re-evaluated my life. I did it for a long time. I got clarity on what my life really was, and abstracted myself into the future to look at all of the possibilities I was aware of to come to the ultimate conclusion that what I was planning to do was right. Again, I know it's hard to remove the emotional element from suicide, however for me it was important to do. Because it forced me to be real about life. This prevents the SI from deluding me into imagined goals and "what ifs". The mind likes to do that. I guess that's a way of defending itself. However, when I forced myself to look honestly and objectively at life and my place in it, all else just sort of started to flow naturally. Sure, a little fear will be there. However, that's the nature of facing the unknown. But, in gaining clarity, I have trust in my method and my mind now looks at life and lets me know that the time should be moved up.

Trust your soul. It will tell you what is right for you.

 

[MalboroMan420]

So sorry to hear what you have been through .. life can get very, very lonely and .. I don't like loneliness but I've succumb to it , at least til I found this site … it's not the same but it helps I suppose … hopefully you can find comfort around yourself .

I was ready to CTB when things started unraveling in the big world, and in mine .. this worlds gone to shit with creepo elites.. cost of living has quadrupled.. farms going broke .. the law is after me .. I could go on .. but I am exhausted and my soles are worn thin. Just trying to mustard up the courage to finally "do it" … I didn't CHOOSE to live on a planet like this .. I am revoking my ticket lol

 

[MrDarkness]

my life is getting worse and worse everyday. I want to CTB so so badly, but I'm so scared of failing again. those of you that have a date set: how did you know you were ready to CTB? how did you overcome the fear? my method will be firearm, but I'm constantly making up excuses not to buy one because I know when I have one it'll become so real. how do I get over my fear and just go through with it? I'm sick of being alive. I'm so burnt out from work, I have no friends, I have no interests or passions or anything that I enjoy doing. I have no future. I know I have a few years left to live at best. I can't take it any longer than that.
sorry, i'm just venting at this point. I'm just so overwhelmed and I just feel sick whenever I think about life and everyone I love has abandoned me and I'm just completely alone and I know nothing will ever improve and CTB is my only option but I'm so scared and I want to enjoy life so badly. I look at people who are happy and enjoy their jobs and go out with friends and it makes me so angry at them. I want to be like them, but I know I'll always be the way I am. I wish one of my previous attempts had succeeded so that I wouldn't have to build the courage to try it all over again.
ugh. my life has just been spiralling so quickly recently and I just wish I didn't have to deal with it anymore.
I want it to be over. I'm just so fucking terrified.

When I attempted I was so depressed I did not care anymore I just downed a bottle of pills. That's when you know your ready

 

[PinkyStat]

When i attempted i was completely hopeless and depressed, honestly i would say that it is the time that not even suffering, pain or death itself seems like a big of a deal for you

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I only want to sleep

 

[ikadasui]

Maybe spend some time in recovery? you seem to indeed want to live, but circumstances are making it nigh unbearable. not over till the hog gets to the trough as they say

 

[Death is my goal]

you just know when the time comes

 

[FuneralCry]

If someone has access to a reliable method or has a method plan that they feel confident in then I guess it's just waiting for the right time and only the individual knows when that is, I think that many of those who managed to succeed in ctb just got so determined to escape from all the suffering.

 

[ctb-soon]

Do you ever really know? I don't think so.

Once you come to peace with it and you can overcome SI - you are ready.

Yet this is entirely a personal issue.

 

[hellispink]

If you can't answer that then you are not ready, you dont need to be because its a personal choice. Reflect thoroughly if there are any other options. When you are ready there ain't specific thing or sign, your heart will know it

 

[Bobert_Beniro]

when the time comes, you will do it without thinking. The firearm method may scare you, try opiates. Sometimes life becomes so unbearable that people are ready to jump from a height or under a train, it seems to me that the decisive fact here is the individual nervous system, someone endures pain more easily and someone does not, someone is very emotional and someone is not. For me personally, every day life loses its meaning more and more, maybe I will reach the peak point and someday finish with it, or maybe I will live my whole life unhappy, in any case it will be death. This is a very interesting and philosophical question when a person decides to end his life, I would like to study more the biography of people who ended their lives.

 

[leavingsoon99]

If you can't answer that then you are not ready, you dont need to be because its a personal choice. Reflect thoroughly if there are any other options. When you are ready there ain't specific thing or sign, your heart will know it

Very true, and very well said.

 

[bedhead_baby]

I agree with what's been said. You're ready when you do it. Some people do plan, but I think most just wait for the feelings to just hit their peak, and they do it.

Isolation can make things a million times worse, and increase that anger. I feel that too, so badly, and I take it out on myself. It kind of sinks in your stomach, that loneliness. It makes me sick, and I understand.

I think some of your hesitation may just be hope for the future. There's so much unknown, and as unlikely as it is, I like to imagine myself having friends or partner that my teenage self never got. Wanting to live, but not in this world, I guess. I hope you can find something to stay for, or the kick you need to leave (but I do hope you find something to live for ).

 

[ctb-soon]

What helps me is just getting clarity about my life and situation.

I find its important as well - I am not sure you can really CTB with out

It's why I've moved the date up for my ctb. I'm using a firearm as well. I know it sounds hard, but I just took all of the emotion out of my desire to self-terminate and just simply re-evaluated my life. I did it for a long time. I got clarity on what my life really was, and abstracted myself into the future to look at all of the possibilities I was aware of to come to the ultimate conclusion that what I was planning to do was right. Again, I know it's hard to remove the emotional element from suicide, however for me it was important to do. Because it forced me to be real about life. This prevents the SI from deluding me into imagined goals and "what ifs". The mind likes to do that. I guess that's a way of defending itself.

I think you are right about SI. It tends to take over if you don't directly address it

However, when I forced myself to look honestly and objectively at life and my place in it, all else just sort of started to flow naturally. Sure, a little fear will be there. However, that's the nature of facing the unknown. But, in gaining clarity, I have trust in my method and my mind now looks at life and lets me know that the time should be moved up.

Trust your soul. It will tell you what is right for you.

I hope you find peace.

 

[EternalDaydreaming]

When I'm standing at the top of a building

 

[day]

I don't think anyone knows when they're truly ready. A lot of us want to CTB and could but hold off for our own reasons. I think you're ready when you're done. When you are finally at peace, that's when you're ready imo.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

I think a lot of us are ready to CTB, but we just miss it so often. So far I've tried maybe 10 times and every time my SI stops me. Dying isn't easy, and a voluntary exit is even more difficult. Everyone always says "you're taking the easy way out" but they don't understand the struggles we have.

Everyone has a bus to catch, but we don't know which one. So you try to catch one or the other until you finally find your bus that will take you where you need to go.

 

[ctb-soon]

you just know when the time comes

I know that is very simple answer - but it is so so true - you just know when it's time

 

[ctb-soon]

I don't think anyone knows when they're truly ready. A lot of us want to CTB and could but hold off for our own reasons. I think you're ready when you're done. When you are finally at peace, that's when you're ready imo.

But there is a time when it just embraces you.

You say it's time, and you feel it. Your thoughts go from - it will happen soon - to It's happening now

 

[day]

But there is a time when it just embraces you.

You say it's time, and you feel it. Your thoughts go from - it will happen soon - to It's happening now

Totally agree.

 

[ctb-soon]

Totally agree.

I sort of think I am approaching that stage.

What about you?

 

[day]

I sort of think I am approaching that stage.

What about you?

Not entirely sure yet, I don't value my life I know that much at least. I had a planned date but will push it back for an optimal time.

 

[ctb-soon]

Not entirely sure yet, I don't value my life I know that much at least. I had a planned date but will push it back for an optimal time.

It's important to find the right time. Push it back if you need to. There's never a rush in these things.

What's your method?

 

[day]

It's important to find the right time. Push it back if you need to. There's never a rush in these things.

What's your method?

I'll be using SN. Need more time to obtain more benzos.

 

[ctb-soon]

I'll be using SN. Need more time to obtain more benzos.

I hope you find the peace you want because you deserve it :)

 

[Lourenzo]

What helps me is just getting clarity about my life and situation. It's why I've moved the date up for my ctb. I'm using a firearm as well. I know it sounds hard, but I just took all of the emotion out of my desire to self-terminate and just simply re-evaluated my life. I did it for a long time. I got clarity on what my life really was, and abstracted myself into the future to look at all of the possibilities I was aware of to come to the ultimate conclusion that what I was planning to do was right. Again, I know it's hard to remove the emotional element from suicide, however for me it was important to do. Because it forced me to be real about life. This prevents the SI from deluding me into imagined goals and "what ifs". The mind likes to do that. I guess that's a way of defending itself. However, when I forced myself to look honestly and objectively at life and my place in it, all else just sort of started to flow naturally. Sure, a little fear will be there. However, that's the nature of facing the unknown. But, in gaining clarity, I have trust in my method and my mind now looks at life and lets me know that the time should be moved up.

Trust your soul. It will tell you what is right for you.

This is really well put. I myself have had 2 failed attempts and am currently planning the final, 3rd times a charm . The biggest hurdle for me was figuring out how to look at my life logically, and realizing after 39 years, nothing is going to "get better" for me. Once you have that moment of clarity, everything will fall into place. If you do decide to go for it, I wish you all the best.