How do you know if you have childhood trauma?

[sserafim]

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[INTJme]

Everyone does. Some objectively worse than others but everyone does.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Did you experience anything deeply distressing during childhood that still impacts you to this day? Technically, trauma is a vague term can actually apply to a variety of experiences, from just watching a disturbing movie or being a child lost at the mall to sexual abuse or witnessing a shooting.

If you are referring to more severe forms of childhood trauma, such as abuse, witnessing abuse, neglect, being a severe car accident, etc, then this list might help you:

Understanding Child Trauma

Recognize the signs of child traumatic stress and the impact that trauma may have on children. The infographic developed by SAMHSA’s National Child Traumatic Stress Initiative (NCSTI) provides information on the prevalence and impact of traumatic events on children, and what actions can be taken...

www.samhsa.gov

• Child trauma occurs more than you think. More than two thirds of children reported at least 1 traumatic event by age 16. Potentially traumatic events include:
  • Psychological, physical, or sexual abuse
  • Community or school violence
  • Witnessing or experiencing domestic violence
  • National disasters or terrorism
  • Commercial sexual exploitation
  • Sudden or violent loss of a loved one
  • Refugee or war experiences
  • Military family-related stressors (e.g., deployment, parental loss or injury)
  • Physical or sexual assault
  • Neglect
  • Serious accidents or life-threatening illness

 

[Malaria]

If you have certain types of problems in adulthood such as depression, anxiety, trust issues, etc. There are many reasons why someone could have those problems, of course, but a lot of them tend to be linked to childhood trauma.

In my case, at some point I started having "visions" of bad things happening in my head, and then I came to realize through talking with my mother and going to therapy that I was having flashbacks of being beaten pretty brutally as a small child by my father. But it wasn't just my father that caused me this kind of trauma.

I'm always apologetic to people, I always have anxiety that I'm going to upset others, that people are going to leave me or reject me, I have incredibly low self esteem and a tendency to be highly critical of myself, and I have a lot of emotional outbursts. There's also the self harm and suicidal ideation. I have a lot of difficulty with romantic relationships, which can manifest in different ways. I also generally feel uncomfortable about my body because my ex-stepfather used to make sexual comments about me when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I know all of it is linked to trauma from my parents abusing me, as well as trauma from being bullied at school growing up.

 

[sserafim]

Everyone does. Some objectively worse than others but everyone does.

How do you know if you're stuck in a trauma response?

If you have certain types of problems in adulthood such as depression, anxiety, trust issues, etc. There are many reasons why someone could have those problems, of course, but a lot of them tend to be linked to childhood trauma.

In my case, at some point I started having "visions" of bad things happening in my head, and then I came to realize through talking with my mother and going to therapy that I was having flashbacks of being beaten pretty brutally as a small child by my father. But it wasn't just my father that caused me this kind of trauma.

I'm always apologetic to people, I always have anxiety that I'm going to upset others, that people are going to leave me or reject me, I have incredibly low self esteem and a tendency to be highly critical of myself, and I have a lot of emotional outbursts. There's also the self harm and suicidal ideation. I have a lot of difficulty with romantic relationships, which can manifest in different ways. I also generally feel uncomfortable about my body because my ex-stepfather used to make sexual comments about me when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I know all of it is linked to trauma from my parents abusing me, as well as trauma from being bullied at school growing up.

I have anxiety and trust issues. I probably have depression too. I'm not apologetic and don't have anxiety that I'm going to upset others or that people are going to leave me. I have a fear of rejection though. I don't have low self esteem, but I am critical of myself because I'm a perfectionist. I don't self harm and I've never wanted or desired romantic relationships.

 

[LifeIsCrazyNemb]

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Have you ever tried a session with a good professional therapist?
Its worth trying

 

[updatedmind]

you'll know. it's impossible to miss eventually

 

[INTJme]

How do you know if you're stuck in a trauma response?

Excellent question! This requires some introspection... first off, do you remember the trauma? If yes, what did you do back then when you had the trauma? Chances are, what you did back then to help yourself became your trauma response. Whenever a similar situation in life occurs or is perceived to have occurred, you'll unconsciously use the same trauma response from back then.

So, identifying the trauma and the response you generated back then is important to know if you want to figure out whether you're still stuck with them. From a professional pov, having worked with many people and discussed this with hundreds more, I can assure you almost everyone is stuck with their trauma response unless they've consciously made the effort to remove it from their lives.

 

[xxRoro]

Did you experience anything deeply distressing during childhood that still impacts you to this day? Technically, trauma is a vague term can actually apply to a variety of experiences, from just watchibg a disturbing movie or being a child lost at the mall to sexual abuse or witnessing a shooting.

I've saw paranormal activity in class when I was underaged. This was traumatic. Or one classmate pulled up a isis video on class computer where they really cut a man's head off who just breathed a second before. I got the sxl abused trauma also checked
But idk if that impacts me everyday. I just remember it as Horrifying experiences

 

[Malaria]

How do you know if you're stuck in a trauma response?

I have anxiety and trust issues. I probably have depression too. I'm not apologetic and don't have anxiety that I'm going to upset others or that people are going to leave me. I have a fear of rejection though. I don't have low self esteem, but I am critical of myself because I'm a perfectionist. I don't self harm and I've never wanted or desired romantic relationships.

Everyone is going to react in different ways, mine is just unique to me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

you'll know. it's impossible to miss eventually

There are actually cases of people who go through extremely traumatic events but are unable to recognize them as such. You especially see this with older generations in particular. I've heard people who've talked about having their grandmothers telling them "fun little stories" about how they were forced to marry their kidnappers or about being groomed by their husbands and when they tried to tell them how wrong that was they would go into denial. You also see this a lot in poc communties, where child physical and emotional abuse is very normalized.

 

[sserafim]

Excellent question! This requires some introspection... first off, do you remember the trauma? If yes, what did you do back then when you had the trauma? Chances are, what you did back then to help yourself became your trauma response. Whenever a similar situation in life occurs or is perceived to have occurred, you'll unconsciously use the same trauma response from back then.

So, identifying the trauma and the response you generated back then is important to know if you want to figure out whether you're still stuck with them. From a professional pov, having worked with many people and discussed this with hundreds more, I can assure you almost everyone is stuck with their trauma response unless they've consciously made the effort to remove it from their lives.

How do you identify the trauma? I feel like having Asian parents is inherently abusive. I think that I was emotionally, psychologically and verbally abused, sometimes even physically (by my dad), and I was emotionally neglected.

 

[updatedmind]

There are actually cases of people who go through extremely traumatic events but are unable to recognize them as such. You especially see this with older generations in particular. I've heard people who've talked about having their grandmothers telling them "fun little stories" about how they were forced to marry their kidnappers or about being groomed by their husbands and when they tried to tell them how wrong that was they would go into denial. You also see this a lot in poc communties, where child physical and emotional abuse is very normalized.

you're right, i should not speak with such generalizations

 

[Malaria]

One thing I didn't mention, but this is common in women who have daddy issues... For a certain time period of my life, I've desperately wanted male approval because I was compensating for my father and ex-stepfather abusing me and not being there for me in my life. Not saying every woman who has daddy issues will act like this, but this certainly did apply to me. But I didn't realize I was compensating for my daddy issues until someone else pointed it out to me.

 

[sserafim]

One thing I didn't mention, but this is common in women who have daddy issues... For a certain time period of my life, I've desperately wanted male approval because I was compensating for my father and ex-stepfather abusing me and not being there for me in my life. Not saying every woman who has daddy issues will act like this, but this certainly did apply to me. But I didn't realize I was compensating for my daddy issues until someone else pointed it out to me.

Hmm interesting. I think I probably also have daddy issues. My dad was abusive and absent as well, but I'm the opposite. I don't look for male approval. I actively avoid men. I've never had a relationship and don't want one

 

[INTJme]

How do you identify the trauma? I feel like having Asian parents is inherently abusive. I think that I was emotionally, psychologically and verbally abused (sometimes even physically by my dad), and I was emotionally neglected.

Usually, there's a standout traumatic event that leads to trauma response. Children usually have their first such experience between the ages 5-9. Anything prior to that, for the most part, isn't registered by them as traumatic because they're not aware of what's happening.

You said your dad mentally, verbally and at times even physically abused you. Assuming it is one of your traumatic events, it is likely to be the one when it first happened because there's novelty in that, else it's a regular affair, right? Or maybe the first time something major happened like you had to be taken to the ER. It could be anything but that's for you to remember and it shouldn't be that hard unless your brain is repressing it. Whatever event stands out is likely the traumatic event.

 

[Malaria]

Hmm interesting. My dad was abusive and absent as well, but I'm the opposite. I don't look for male approval. I actively avoid men

I went through various periods of my life where I was either androphobic/misandrist because of my trauma, or I just desperately wanted male approval and validation. This led me to making a lot of dumb mistakes when I was younger that I haven't forgiven myself for. Again, everyone is going to react differently to abuse and trauma.

 

[sserafim]

I went through various periods of my life where I was either androphobic/misandrist because of my trauma, or I just desperately wanted male approval and validation. This led me to making a lot of dumb mistakes when I was younger that I haven't forgiven myself for. Again, everyone is going to react differently to abuse and trauma.

I feel like I'm probably a misandrist but I'm not gonna call myself one on this forum haha. Tbh I hate men. I've never wanted male approval or validation

Usually, there's a standout traumatic event that leads to trauma response. Children usually have their first such experience between the ages 5-9. Anything prior to that, for the most part, isn't registered by them as traumatic because they're not aware of what's happening.

You said your dad mentally, verbally and at times even physically abused you. Assuming it is one of your traumatic events, it is likely to be the one when it first happened because there's novelty in that, else it's a regular affair, right? Or maybe the first time something major happened like you had to be taken to the ER. It could be anything but that's for you to remember and it shouldn't be that hard unless your brain is repressing it. Whatever event stands out is likely the traumatic event.

I didn't grow up around my dad (he lives in China and I only saw him in the summers), but I remember that there was this one especially traumatic instance where he screamed at and hit my mom, sister and I. This was more than 10 years ago. He almost killed us. I think my sister is now in a flight/fawn trauma response, but I don't know which one I'm in. Probably freeze or flight/freeze

 

[Erick]

How do you identify the trauma? I feel like having Asian parents is inherently abusive. I think that I was emotionally, psychologically and verbally abused, sometimes even physically (by my dad), and I was emotionally neglected.

In my case I know when is trauma, when the situation hurts me. Like nostalgic things hurt me when I see or remember them. That's a trauma.
I woke up today I saw a post on facebook about one of my favorite movies, I couldn't handle look at it.
I think if something like this happens to you, you can say it is a trauma.
I remember saw a post of yours talking about how your sisters outshines you. That's a trauma I believe.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

The vast vast majority of people here seems to be psychological beat downs by parents / other people.

Even something as "mild" as letting a child watch a horror movie which is going to imprint into their mind for a long time before they can comprehend what they saw and explain it.

Sserafim - your mum has a chosen child as you've written before - if she's like this you may as well not have been born. The anxiety and trust I can relate to in two ways: trust - had 1 friend in primary school who then proceeded to turn on me in year 7 (secondary school). Before that was just more keen on animals - trust issues with animals??? 0.
Anxiety - parents calling you names, saying you are lazy, listen to them as they are always right, no questioning or discussion allowed. They condition you to be obedient soldiers even before the schooling system (which I've gone into is an indoctrination camp for wage slavery).

Parents constantly shouting and putting on heavy metal music = trauma.
Parents arguing about money a lot = trauma (unhealthy relationship with money. You link no money to shouting and issues but having money to no shouting).
Parents praising one child over another = trauma if they do this enough. You become invisible so cope in other ways.
Parents not really there (working all the time) = trauma. Abandonment issues. Either lash out or go into a shell of your own world (I did this with video games).

I think boomers and gen Xs caused a lot of fucking damage. Boomers that I've seen and worked with are extremely status driven and materialistic and it's always about looks. If they saw a scruffy guy they'd call him a bum (but in actual fact he's got £2m plus) - that sort of attitude. Kids either became bully's or victims of bully's. Oh and fucking up pasts they had passing it onto us through epigenetics. NOTHING can change that - you are born - immediate trauma. Chemical mark on your genes - can't be changed.

 

[sserafim]

I remember saw a post of yours talking about how your sisters outshines you. That's a trauma I believe.

How and why is this a trauma?

 

[Throwawayacc3]

If you have certain types of problems in adulthood such as depression, anxiety, trust issues, etc. There are many reasons why someone could have those problems, of course, but a lot of them tend to be linked to childhood trauma.

In my case, at some point I started having "visions" of bad things happening in my head, and then I came to realize through talking with my mother and going to therapy that I was having flashbacks of being beaten pretty brutally as a small child by my father. But it wasn't just my father that caused me this kind of trauma.

I'm always apologetic to people, I always have anxiety that I'm going to upset others, that people are going to leave me or reject me, I have incredibly low self esteem and a tendency to be highly critical of myself, and I have a lot of emotional outbursts. There's also the self harm and suicidal ideation. I have a lot of difficulty with romantic relationships, which can manifest in different ways. I also generally feel uncomfortable about my body because my ex-stepfather used to make sexual comments about me when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I know all of it is linked to trauma from my parents abusing me, as well as trauma from being bullied at school growing up.

People pleasing. I can't stop doing that as well. It's hell.

 

[sserafim]

People pleasing. I can't stop doing that as well. It's hell.

I think my sister does that

 

[Throwawayacc3]

How and why is this a trauma?

What Erick states isn't trauma by what your sister is doing.

It's the way your mother is talking to you about her. Does she come to you and say "how was your drawing?" Or something relating to something you are doing. Why would she bring your sister up into conversation. It's pretty much a form of torture forever.

I think my sister does that

It doesn't apply as much to your sister. I've read it through autism papers (it does have links to being abandoned so you people please so that you are welcomed and not shunned).

Autism aspect: There are several reasons for this. Underneath people pleasing behaviour is a fear of being dismissed, a fear of not being accepted or treated well. We also put the needs of others ahead of our own when we have been taught either deliberately or inadvertently.

I feel like I'm probably a misandrist but I'm not gonna call myself one on this forum haha. Tbh I hate men. I've never wanted male approval or validation

I didn't grow up around my dad (he lives in China and I only saw him in the summers), but I remember that there was this one especially traumatic instance where he screamed at and hit my mom, sister and I. This was more than 10 years ago. He almost killed us. I think my sister is now in a flight/fawn trauma response, but I don't know which one I'm in. Probably flight/freeze

Oh and you don't like your dad most likely because he wasn't there. Imagine bringing life into the world and you spend NO TIME with this creation. Fucking bonkers. It would be like me seeing my dog one day and saying "fuck off not today" I really don't get.

My dad worked most of the time and he was never around. I think both my parents fucked me up but gender wise I don't discriminate - I don't like people lol.

 

[wiinterfrost]

There are actually cases of people who go through extremely traumatic events but are unable to recognize them as such. You especially see this with older generations in particular. I've heard people who've talked about having their grandmothers telling them "fun little stories" about how they were forced to marry their kidnappers or about being groomed by their husbands and when they tried to tell them how wrong that was they would go into denial. You also see this a lot in poc communties, where child physical and emotional abuse is very normalized.

all of this!
i still have difficulty categorising my abusers as abusive.

but to answer the og question, idk. something to compare to. when you realise almost no one you know can relate to your experiences.

for me mostly it's memory gaps. i can remember almost nothing of childhood because i was abused so much so brain shut down. idk honestly! good question! i only briefly skimmed through the other responses.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

all of this!
i still have difficulty categorising my abusers as abusive.

but to answer the og question, idk. something to compare to. when you realise almost no one you know can relate to your experiences.

for me mostly it's memory gaps. i can remember almost nothing of childhood because i was abused so much so brain shut down. idk honestly! good question! i only briefly skimmed through the other responses.

1st paragraph : Yes. It's either a complete blind spot or they deem the event "normal" as they have nothing to compare it to.

2nd paragraph : there is a lot of relatability to our childhoods especially from boomers/gen Xers. Caveats would be parents beating the shit out of you and extreme physical abuse which seems to be less common from what I've seen here. Psychological abuse is quite common here.

3rd paragraph : I wish I had your brain. I can remember every event extremely clear and cannot erase of block it. Someone even metions the event I have to try and guide them to another event so I don't blast back to that time zone.

 

[sserafim]

What Erick states isn't trauma by what your sister is doing.

It's the way your mother is talking to you about her. Does she come to you and say "how was your drawing?" Or something relating to something you are doing. Why would she bring your sister up into conversation. It's pretty much a form of torture forever.

It doesn't apply as much to your sister. I've read it through autism papers (it does have links to being abandoned so you people please so that you are welcomed and not shunned).

Autism aspect: There are several reasons for this. Underneath people pleasing behaviour is a fear of being dismissed, a fear of not being accepted or treated well. We also put the needs of others ahead of our own when we have been taught either deliberately or inadvertently.

Oh and you don't like your dad most likely because he wasn't there. Imagine bringing life into the world and you spend NO TIME with this creation. Fucking bonkers. It would be like me seeing my dog one day and saying "fuck off not today" I really don't get.

My dad worked most of the time and he was never around. I think both my parents fucked me up but gender wise I don't discriminate - I don't like people lol.

It's actually better that my dad wasn't there. I'm pretty sure that he has some kind of personality disorder. I think he was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. It's a good thing that I didn't grow up around him

 

[Throwawayacc3]

It's actually better that my dad wasn't there. I'm pretty sure that he has some kind of personality disorder

That's what I mean / epigenetics - born = fucked. Nothing you can do. Your dads and mums past traumas imprinting onto their genes chemically and you get the best of both shit genes. It's pretty common when you see what parents past events were like so why have children? I won't go into financial but that has a big effect as well.

Your mum has it as well. She seems to be like the dad from OPAL. Mirrors all around him so he can comment on how good he is (narcissistic). Uses your sister as her trophy to parade around "look what my child has done. LOOK AT HER" . To me it both your parents doing damage. I don't think for my situation if I just had one or the other it would still be bad. Combined made it worse.

 

[sserafim]

That's what I mean / epigenetics - born = fucked. Nothing you can do. Your dads and mums past traumas imprinting onto their genes chemically and you get the best of both shit genes. It's pretty common when you see what parents past events were like so why have children? I won't go into financial but that has a big effect as well.

Your mum has it as well. She seems to be like the dad from OPAL. Mirrors all around him so he can comment on how good he is (narcissistic). Uses your sister as her trophy to parade around "look what my child has done. LOOK AT HER" . To me it both your parents doing damage. I don't think for my situation if I just had one or the other it would still be bad. Combined made it worse.

My dad choked me in China last summer and my mom joined in on it. Asian parents in general seem to be narcissistic though. They live through their children's achievements, and use them as trophies to show off. They used to parade me around as well (the fact that I got into and attended a top college). The thing I hate the most is how they compare me to other kids. It's an arms race to see who's the most successful. Each parent wants their kid to be the highest achiever and out-do and out-class others. I hate this competition and how I'm pitted against others. I never even wanted to enter it anyways

 

[EvisceratedJester]

all of this!
I still have difficulty categorising my abusers as abusive.

but to answer the og question, idk. something to compare to. when you realise almost no one you know can relate to your experiences.

for me mostly it's memory gaps. i can remember almost nothing of childhood because i was abused so much so brain shut down. idk honestly! good question! i only briefly skimmed through the other responses.

This isn't that good of an indicator of trauma. Abuse and trauma is very normalized amongst certain demographics. For example, I'm poc and live in an area where most people are poc. As a result, things like having your parents hit you or beat you using spoons, belts, hairbrushes, etc, are seen as normal. It's even something that most people around me joke about. However, when on a camping tripping with my cabin, when I mentioned how my mom would probably hit me or something to one of my cabin mates, who was white, didn't give me my flashlight back (I was scared that she was going to break it) she was completely shocked.

This type of advice only works under the guise that you mainly hangout with those who live in areas where certain toxic and abusive behaviours aren't normalized, which doesn't apply to a large portion of the population.