How do you know if you have childhood trauma?

[wiinterfrost]

3rd paragraph : I wish I had your brain. I can remember every event extremely clear and cannot erase of block it. Someone even metions the event I have to try and guide them to another event so I don't blast back to that time zone.

oof, that's rough. sorry. i also have very clear memories of abuse & trauma that block stuff out but that's all the stuff that happened as a teen/adult. i would probably freak if i had to remember my childhood on top of that.

2nd paragraph : there is a lot of relatability to our childhoods especially from boomers/gen Xers. Caveats would be parents beating the shit out of you and extreme physical abuse which seems to be less common from what I've seen here. Psychological abuse is quite common here.

This type of advice only works under the guise that you mainly hangout with those who live in areas where certain toxic and abusive behaviours aren't normalized, which doesn't apply to a large portion of the population.

yeah... you're completely right. i spent different times in different environments so based on what others said i could pick up that my situation was Not Normal but not everyone has that opportunity. abusive behaviours are encouraged in a lot of cases through society also, tbh. so that makes sense.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

My dad choked me in China last summer and my mom joined in

Bloody hell - yeah that's pretty overboard - if I was in your position I'd hate both men and women and just anyone. I've met 1 guy at the sanctuary (who is like us) and there are two girls who work their but they aren't neurodivergent but they chat and they seem to like talking about the animals so in my eyes it seems ok.

I only ever dealt with a few Chinese clients (two from china and 1 Chinese but UK raised and mindset). The two from China when buying property were very adamant on the looks (I mean more so that the structure of the property which is WAY more important). The UK one was for a flat but I saw her parents were being very pushy and she seemed like she wanted to be a ghost (for a rental property). I've noticed different patterns with different world areas that seem to be the case. My mind has a way of navigating - Jewish, Arabs, Russians, Americans, Japanese. Core client base was mainly Jewish but you do start noticing patterns (probably due to the autism or the way my brain is wired).

Have you seen Serpentza on YouTube? South African guy. Lived in China and is now exposing all the bad stuff to try and make it better but that's a long long way to go. I've seen too many videos of people falling through floors, elevator shafts, crushed by above building structures, rampages in cars, etc. It's wild but it's just the societal decay. Happening here as well (UK, USA)

oof, that's rough. sorry. i also have very clear memories of abuse & trauma that block stuff out but that's all the stuff that happened as a teen/adult. i would probably freak if i had to remember my childhood on top of that.


yeah... you're completely right. i spent different times in different environments so based on what others said i could pick up that my situation was Not Normal but not everyone has that opportunity. abusive behaviours are encouraged in a lot of cases through society also, tbh. so that makes sense.

I can only describe it as a photo graphic memory but event based? Not like rain man but to the extend that I remember the location I was in, standing/sitting, what I was holding, etc. I can't remember tiny things eg if there was a certain colour cup on the table but everything else is really clear (and the cup has no importance).

This isn't that good of an indicator of trauma. Abuse and trauma is very normalized amongst certain demographics. For example, I'm poc and live in an area where most people are poc. As a result, things like having your parents hit you or beat you using spoons, belts, hairbrushes, etc, are seen as normal. It's even something that most people around me joke about. However, when on a camping tripping with my cabin, when I mentioned how my mom would probably hit me or something to one of my cabin mates, who was white, didn't give me my flashlight back (I was scared that she was going to break it) she was completely shocked.

This type of advice only works under the guise that you mainly hangout with those who live in areas where certain toxic and abusive behaviours aren't normalized, which doesn't apply to a large portion of the population.

You know what my mum said? But all the trauma in a box and don't think about it. Lmao. Boomers are WAY long gone. They needed serious psychiatric help before even having children.

 

[divinemistress36]

I feel like I'm probably a misandrist but I'm not gonna call myself one on this forum haha. Tbh I hate men. I've never wanted male approval or validation

I didn't grow up around my dad (he lives in China and I only saw him in the summers), but I remember that there was this one especially traumatic instance where he screamed at and hit my mom, sister and I. This was more than 10 years ago. He almost killed us. I think my sister is now in a flight/fawn trauma response, but I don't know which one I'm in. Probably freeze or flight/freeze

This is probably why you don't desire relationships since this trauma happened. I'm the same way I'm subconsciously scared of men

 

[ijustwishtodie]

How do you identify the trauma? I feel like having Asian parents is inherently abusive. I think that I was emotionally, psychologically and verbally abused, sometimes even physically (by my dad), and I was emotionally neglected.

I've come to the same conclusion as well regarding the second sentence. Asian parents always want so much from their children. I don't think I've seen an asian parent which isn't like that

 

[sserafim]

I've come to the same conclusion as well regarding the second sentence. Asian parents always want so much from their children. I don't think I've seen an asian parent which isn't like that

Hot take: Asian people should be banned from having children. They're only going to perpetuate generational trauma cycles. I'm never going to have kids because I refuse to continue the vicious cycle

This is probably why you don't desire relationships since this trauma happened. I'm the same way I'm subconsciously scared of men

Probably

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Hot take: Asian people should be banned from having children

That take isn't hot enough imo. I think that everybody should be banned from having children. It'd help the human species far more if human life didn't exist to begin with. Though, either way, I understand your sentiment. I feel like most asian parents give birth to their children in the hopes that they'll take care of them during old age. When I was younger, I remember my mum saying something to me along the lines of "I didn't give birth to you so you could live your own life. I gave birth to you so you can submit to me. You should be grateful I gave birth to you". I think that's probably why most asian parents give birth

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Hot take: Asian parents should be banned from having children. They're only going to perpetuate generational trauma cycles. I'm never going to have kids because I refuse to continue the vicious cycle

Generational trauma has nothing to do with race. Generational trauma can found amongst plenty of brown, black, and white parents. There are plenty of shitty non-Asian parents, just like how there are good Asian parents. This isn't something that can be simplified down to race alone. An Asian parent who can recognize their parent's wrongdoings and tries their best not to repeat the same mistakes their parents made is going to be a much better parent than a non-Asian parent who fails to do the same.

 

[sserafim]

Generational trauma has nothing to do with race. Generational trauma can found amongst plenty of brown, black, and white parents. There are plenty of shitty non-Asian parents, just like how there are good Asian parents. This isn't something that can be simplified down to race alone. An Asian parent who can recognize their parent's wrongdoings and tries their best not to repeat the same mistakes their parents made is going to be a much better parent than a non-Asian parent who fails to do the same.

I guess so, but Asian parents are especially narcissistic and abusive. Abuse is normalized in Asian culture. I think it's like a cultural thing. Have you ever seen r/AsianParentStories?

That take isn't hot enough imo. I think that everybody should be banned from having children. It'd help the human species far more if human life didn't exist to begin with. Though, either way, I understand your sentiment. I feel like most asian parents give birth to their children in the hopes that they'll take care of them during old age. When I was younger, I remember my mum saying something to me along the lines of "I didn't give birth to you so you could live your own life. I gave birth to you so you can submit to me. You should be grateful I gave birth to you". I think that's probably why most asian parents give birth

I agree. I hate how my parents had me as a retirement fund and an investment. This is the main reason why most Asian parents have kids. I hate how my dad expects me to be grateful for my life when I never even wanted to exist in the first place. He said that I was "ungrateful" for the "gift" of life. My parents believe that I owe them because they brought me into existence.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I guess so, but Asian parents are especially narcissistic. I think it's like a cultural thing. Have you ever seen r/AsianParentStories?

Asian parents are no worse than most parents from other parts of the world. I literally had a friend who's parents would beat them if they found out that they got any cuts on their body. She told me they literally would her where her cuts were. She's black.

Most parents shouldn't be parents. Most asians are about as bad as most black parents who are about as bad as any other race of parents.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Generational trauma has nothing to do with race. Generational trauma can found amongst plenty of brown, black, and white parents. There are plenty of shitty non-Asian parents, just like how there are good Asian parents. This isn't something that can be simplified down to race alone. An Asian parent who can recognize their parent's wrongdoings and tries their best not to repeat the same mistakes their parents made is going to be a much better parent than a non-Asian parent who fails to do the same.

It isn't about race but more so about culture and religion. Asian people tend to have a specific culture which is far, far different from western cultures and it causes them to believe that they are allowed to use their children however they wish to and to project their own dreams on to them. Many asian people don't acknowledge that this is bad and go on to procreate with the same mindset as caused by this culture. The stereotype regarding asian parents being stricter on average isn't really a stereotype but rather a fact

 

[Erick]

How and why is this a trauma?

Because I have the same thing with brother, and it started when I was a child, and those feelings remain to this day. I liked a girl when I was 6, but she dumped me and wanted my brother, after that I got traumatized and never let the girls I dated meet my brother.
That's a trauma. Your feelings of your sister outshining you started after a specific situation, and the trauma began after that.

 

[sserafim]

Asian parents are no worse than most parents from other parts of the world. I literally had a friend who's parents would beat them if they found out that they got any cuts on their body. She told me they literally would her where her cuts were. She's black.

Most parents shouldn't be parents. Most asians are about as bad as most black parents who are about as bad as any other race of parents.

I guess, but someone clearly doesn't know about Confucianism

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I guess, but someone clearly doesn't know about Confucianism

Yeah, any religious or spiritual belief/philosophy can used as an excuse to abuse others. Christianity already has a long history with being used to rationalize and promote harm towards children. Confucianism isn't anything special in that regards.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Generational trauma has nothing to do with race. Generational trauma can found amongst plenty of brown, black, and white parents. There are plenty of shitty non-Asian parents, just like how there are good Asian parents. This isn't something that can be simplified down to race alone. An Asian parent who can recognize their parent's wrongdoings and tries their best not to repeat the same mistakes their parents made is going to be a much better parent than a non-Asian parent who fails to do the same.

It's more prevalent in Asian societies though. Another example - a lot of Jewish people will only be partners with other Jewish people. It sounds silly like the Asian parents being hard on kids but in 10 years I didn't come across any Jewish couples where one partner wasn't in the faith (regardless of practicing or not).

The issue is - the status aspect infects the masses like the T-Virus decimated raccoon city. Once 5 parents start this comparing nonsense it spreads like wildfire and becomes way more prevalent.
Indian parents do this in the UK however…. Even if their child is completely miserable (becuase they want them to become a doctor) they'll push it to breaking point. All these races all link back to boomer/gen Xs and narcissism/status showing off.

I didn't deal with many African clients or white English people so not sure on that (I can't of don't count as I'm mixed myself).

End result: vast majority of people shouldn't have kids:

1: their genes and giving you shit (epigebetics).
2: their attitude and personality traits
3: their financial situation.

I guess, but someone clearly doesn't know about Confucianism

I don't agree with that statement the other commmenter made - different races operate different to others in terms of family, morals, money, etc. some more extreme than others and some are similar to others.

Edit: and the comment about the African famkly
Beating their child because of cuts. In school (secondary) I had one black friend (we had in common playing GameCube) however I was not allowed in the group during lunch. This is the UK where we had blacks, whites (europeaon and English variants), Asian, etc. it's much more mixed than US. But I didn't fit in becuase of race. I didn't fit in with geek, sports, etc. But with the group is was a race aspect. My friend even apologised once as I said it was pretty backwards but it's just the masses thing again- anything masses do you can't control. Behind closed doors the bullies that were black had really vile parents. This is something I saw at parents evening (I mentioned another child about poverty in another thread).
In London there is a lot of knife crime and unfortunately it's committed by black kids. My 4 knife robberies (3/4 were black guys). It's just how it is sometimes and there isn't much you can do.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It's more prevalent in Asian societies though. Another example - a lot of Jewish people will only be partners with other Jewish people. It sounds silly like the Asian parents being hard on kids but in 10 years I didn't come across any Jewish couples where one partner wasn't in the faith (regardless of practicing or not).

The issue is - the status aspect infects the masses like the T-Virus decimated raccoon city. Once 5 parents start this comparing nonsense it spreads like wildfire and becomes way more prevalent.
Indian parents do this in the UK however…. Even if their child is completely miserable (becuase they want them to become a doctor) they'll push it to breaking point. All these races all link back to boomer/gen Xs and narcissism/status showing off.

I didn't deal with many African clients or white English people so not sure on that (I can't of don't count as I'm mixed myself).

End result: vast majority of people shouldn't have kids:

1: their genes and giving you shit (epigebetics).
2: their attitude and personality traits
3: their financial situation.

I don't agree with that statement the other commmenter made - different races operate different to others in terms of family, morals, money, etc. some more extreme than others and some are similar to others.

If you don't have much experience with dealing with African or white people then how are you going to say otherwise? I personally live in a very diverse area, so I have a lot of experience with hearing about how children from a variety of different cultural backgrounds are treated by their parents. Outside of those with well off white western parents, there isn't usually that big of difference in treatment. Most children were abused and/or came from very dysfunctional families. Most of the worst cases of child maltreatment I've seen were usually from my friends with African and Caribbean parents. Even most of my Asian friends parents seemed nicer by comparison, and their parents were also pretty bad.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

If you don't have much experience with dealing with African or white people then how are you going to say otherwise? I personally live in a very diverse area, so I have a lot of experience with hearing about how children froma variety of different cultural backgrounds are treated by their parents. Outside of those with well off white western parents, there isn't usually that big of difference in treatment. Most children were abused and/or came from very dysfunctional families. Most of the worst cases of child maltreatment I've seen were usually from my friends with African and Caribbean parents. Even most of my Asian friends parents seemed nicer by comparison, and their parents also sucked.

I didn't apart from my friend, the groups at school (their parents). These are my first hand experiences. I've not dealt with them in a business manner. It's just patterns I've seen and experienced and that's how things panned out.

Parents hide their intentions - people that met my parents said they were nice - behind closed doors this wasn't the case. Same as the playground stuff - if their parents knew how I was treated maybe they'd have a word with them. Peter had to say sorry to me because he felt it personally affected him (I'm really logically about it - it's not him) I just liked taking about games with him and that we both had a GameCube and would help each other on our memory cards and what not.

"Nicer by comparison" surface level is always bad. I guarantee that @sserafim with her sister - her sisters acquaintances see her parents as very good and raised a great child while on the other hand they strangle her sister with their bare hands.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I didn't apart from my friend, the groups at school (their parents). These are my first hand experiences. I've not dealt with them in a business manner. It's just patterns I've seen and experienced and that's how things panned out.

Parents hide their intentions - people that met my parents said they were nice - behind closed doors this wasn't the case. Same as the playground stuff - if their parents knew how I was treated maybe they'd have a word with them. Peter had to say sorry to me because he felt it personally affected him (I'm really logically about it - it's not him) I just liked taking about games with him and that we both had a GameCube and would help each other on our memory cards and what not.

"Nicer by comparison" surface level is always bad. I guarantee that @sserafim with her sister - her sisters acquaintances see her parents as very good and raised a great child while on the other hand they strangle her sister with their bare hands.

The point of the comparison was to call out the fact that in my experience, what you are saying isn't really true. At the end of the day, this is all anecdotal of course, but I don't see it as being too different from trying to claim that toxic and abusive behaviours from parents are more prevalent in Asian society, when they are pretty much just as prevalent in most parts of the world. It especially doesn't help that your disagreement was largely based on limited experience with parents from non-asian backgrounds (at least from what I've gathered). I probably could have phrased it better still and have done a better job at highlighting the fact that this is purely from my own experiences growing up.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

The point of the comparison was to call out the fact that in my experience, what you are saying isn't really true. At the end of the day, this is all anecdotal of course, but I don't see it as being too different from trying to claim that toxic and abusive behaviours from parents are more prevalent in Asian society, when they are pretty much just as prevalent in most parts of the world. It especially doesn't help that your disagreement was largely based on limited experience with parents from non-asian backgrounds (at least from what I've gathered). I probably could have phrased it better still and have done a better job at highlighting the fact that this is purely from my own experiences growing up.

It depends on the culture/race and how they deal
With it. With the Jewish lot it was straight to immediate family or rabbi (if they were practicing), for Russian it was don't talk about it but it is acknowledged (but nothing done about it). Then when they come to the UK as example those traits are still there but now the way the UK society wise is "get up by your bootstraps" and deal with it - which doesn't help at all.

Ultimately - different races will have their own ways but they are all fucked up and shouldn't have children. It's like each race has to one up on which child can have the most fucked up genes, trauma, depression, etc. Asia is way too broad (Russian, china, India, etc). Indians and Chinese families are very prevalent in London. Indians push their kids to suicide if they don't become doctors, scientists, etc (the pressure is unreal). Chinese parents on the surface all seems ok but you don't know what's behind closed doors (speaking with people here and ironically on Counter Strike 1.6 onwards) met a lot on pc gaming.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It depends on the culture/race and how they deal
With it. With the Jewish lot it was straight to immediate family or rabbi (if they were practicing), for Russian it was don't talk about it but it is acknowledged (but nothing done about it). Then when they come to the UK as example those traits are still there but now the way the UK society wise is "get up by your bootstraps" and deal with it - which doesn't help at all.

Ultimately - different races will have their own ways but they are all fucked up and shouldn't have children. It's like each race has to one up on which child can have the most fucked up genes, trauma, depression, etc. Asia is way too broad (Russian, china, India, etc). Indians and Chinese families are very prevalent in London. Indians push their kids to suicide if they don't become doctors, scientists, etc (the pressure is unreal). Chinese parents on the surface all seems ok but you don't know what's behind closed doors (speaking with people here and ironically on Counter Strike 1.6 onwards) met a lot on pc gaming.

I actually do since I had a lot of Chinese friends growing up and they'd openly vent about their parents and everything they did to them very often. The closed doors things applies more to adults and even then most adults usually don't bat an eye when they do hear about these things.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I actually do since I had a lot of Chinese friends growing up and they'd openly vent about their parents and everything they did to them very often. The closed doors things applies more to adults and even then most adults usually don't bat an eye when they do hear about these things.

Yeah that's what I mean. I only got that knowledge when I played in a clan on CS 1.6 (we played really often and had clan matches pretty much every week). In MIRC we'd discuss tactics and setting up matches but the personal stuff I started to see and yeah - fucked up parents. It wasn't person to person but I was still typing with them and they were saying stuff that my brain didn't understand at that time (early teens).

In London it's never heard of though. It's usually Chinese kids are gifted and go to the best schools and that's what everyone hears - media, talk, etc. however if I match that take with the people I played counter strike with it doesn't match up (and I believe them more than I believe media and normie talk).

Ultimately - one race or country has to pull the nuclear button soon. Israel, UK, USA, Russia, France, I don't care. Call it a day, everyone within the blast vicinity instantly vaporised and most in the inner radius will burn quickly. Outside of that is going be a painful few days from radiation poisoning but it is what it is. We won't adapt to it but the birds, sharks, etc will.

Edit: MIRC basically was discord on PC.

 

[asian.neet]

I just go with whatever people say instead of making my own decisions. TIL that's called fawning due to religious trauma.