Discussion How do you guys do things ?

[groovygoober]

I have been fighting suicidal ideation on and off for about 6 years now but it really ramped up last year or so and for the last 9 months or so I just haven't been doing anything , I Don't know what to do and if and when I do know it , I just can't bring myself to do it whether its a hobby or academics or whatever I just don't find any joy in things , I am aware all of this is a consequence of the huge knowledge gap that has been built up over the years of pretending that I am fine and just doing the bare minimum absent-mindedly and that its just going to get worse but being aware of this doesn't give me the ability to actually make the effort . There's also just been such a steep cognitive decline that I still can't wrap my head around it and it's only getting worse due to the deficiency of a few vitamins(b12,d etc ) but I cant even bring myself to consistently take my meds . My brain just feels scrambled , like I can't remember much from the last 2 years .

How do people here who have jobs or a heavy workload or are working towards their future bring themselves to do things if they are someone who has a lot of trouble doing simple tasks ? Do you guys follow any routine , meditation or something else ?

There are some unrealistic expectations that I am supposed to stand up to because I used to be pretty high functioning till 2020 , that is not my focus right now but it does create a self imposed pressure and well I have given up on most things that I like how am I supposed to fulfill these hopes regarding things that I don't?

 

[Kanoh]

I am wondering that myself. I have extreme OCD and even though it makes my life hell I have to work to continue paying the bills so I have roor over my head until I CTB. My life dream is to be able to neet until I kill myself but not possible or I'd have to go homeless. But work makes me stressed and miserable, it's a rotten cherry on top of my debilitating mental illness. Yet in spite of a genuine will to die and end the torment, SI still keeps me here.