How do you feel towards your self harm scars?

[ForsakenDial]

It used to make some of the pain go away. However now it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't solve my problems, it doesn't get my mind off things. I made shallow cuts with a razor as they do not leave the same scars, but I'm starting to realize it doesn't matter what scars are left behind. No one will see them anyway. My original scars faded away a lot, but I am indifferent towards the idea of new ones taking their place. It all simply doesn't matter.
How do you feel towards your self harm scars?

Spoiler: Self Harm image

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

I used to not really care, but now I have a huge line going down from the very top of my wrist nearly to my elbow. A bunch of staple marks on each side of the thick line that show how wide open the wound was. It's healing sloooowly but it's very blatant. I'm not ashamed, but I am keenly aware of its presence on my body. It beckons me to get into THAT mindset again and try the next attempt. I sometimes just stare at my arm and wonder…if I can do THAT, what else am I capable of? Do I have it in me to actually murder myself?

 

[sadandhopeless1]

I hesitate to even write this because I don't want to be offensive or upsetting to people but here goes. They make me feel pathetic and ashamed. When I look at them it reminds me of how much of an idiot I am for doing that and thinking that it would do any good. Sometimes I think about wanting to go out and have anonymous sex with someone, then I'm reminded they will see the scars and know how weak and stupid of a person I am. I doubt hooking up with someone would make me feel less lonely and empty, but I'm too insecure and ashamed to find out. I didn't self harm for quite a few years after my initial stint with it. It wasn't until I started thinking about ending it all that I started again. The logic in my mind was/is that yes they are cringy and stupid, but what does one more scar matter, especially if I ctb soon. For whatever reason my mind regularly goes to hurting myself so why not indulge that impulse if it makes no difference in the end.

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

I haven't cut myself since around June. I look at my arm, and the cuts are still as obvious and blatant as when I made the cuts. None of my other cuts stayed this long, and I feel disappointed to have left something like that on myself. Everyone has noticed it, so it just makes me feel worse. I hear their fake responses and fake love towards me and it's all because of me. I hate myself just as much as I hate those scars.

 

[LastFlowers]

More of an inconvenience if someone sees them, because I'd rather not deal with the inevitable conclusions drawn and what comes after that.
Mine are deep, from shards of glass, some are smooth and others are wrinkled and discolored.
Brief instances from when I was younger, more of a cornered animal attacking itself sort of response to stressors and also the subconscious desire to escape my own body.
Honestly I hardly think about them, except if I need bloodwork done or look down and remember "oh yea..ugh".
I've got way bigger problems to worry about to be frank, especially exteriorly on my body and face (not results of 'self harm').

 

[lofticries]

I hate them so much. They make me feel so ashamed and deeply envy ppl without scars.

 

[lionetta12]

It used to make some of the pain go away. However now it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't solve my problems, it doesn't get my mind off things. I made shallow cuts with a razor as they do not leave the same scars, but I'm starting to realize it doesn't matter what scars are left behind. No one will see them anyway. My original scars faded away a lot, but I am indifferent towards the idea of new ones taking their place. It all simply doesn't matter.
How do you feel towards your self harm scars?

Spoiler: Self Harm image

View attachment 103236

I would take care of all my self harm scars to prevent infections and to speed up the progress of healing. Luckily they have mostly healed and faded nicely so it's barely noticable. They don't bother me anymore.

 

[bluevelvet]

I hate them. It prevents me from doing it again tbh.

 

[bubo]

I kinda love them. i don't see what i have to be ashamed of at all so when i see them it's just purple spots on my arm to me. I could put paint on my arm and the effect would not change. i feel many are ashamed of their self harm maybe because they see themselves as "weak" or whatever other average human behavior but i do not see myself as any of that for cutting myself with a razor, i simply cut myself with a razor and that is how i see it. To me i see no difference between this coping mechanism and sleeping.

 

[Skathon]

Love them. Being a canvas is the only thing this death trap is good for (it scars easily).

 

[vultureilse]

i like how they look, for some reason looking at them brings me peace

theyre also a pretty big inconvenience but thats just because of how other people perceive self harm, i have to make sure that nobody sees them because i dont wanna get in trouble or get treated weirdly by people

 

[ferny]

It doesn't bother me that much to look at them, it's other people noticing that I just really really hate. To be honest, ever since i started I've been quite tactical in terms of avoiding spots like wrists etc. where other people would easily notice. My legs, however, are super noticeable. I've had a good handful of awkward conversations with people I've hooked up with who have noticed and asked what had happened. I don't really feel like I have any other choice other than being honest about what is it, but I always play on this "yea i was really young etc..." rather than admitting that it's an ongoing problem / rooted in issues i also have now.

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

I actually kinda like them. It's not something important for me, but I like the aesthetic I guess.
The biggest problem is that I need to wear long sleeve t-shirts after cutting and I find them less comfortable.
I guess doctors seeing it can lead into some troubles, but it hasn't happened so far

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

They're there. More will come. I accept it and go on about my day.

 

[Kurushii]

I wish they were in a more hideable location. Random people seeing them wouldn't bother me too much because why would I care about what random people think of me? But I still have to be extra careful at the doctor's office that they don't see them. In a weird way, I like cutting myself. I don't know how to explain it. What I don't like too much are the scars since I can't wear certain outfits anymore. I just don't like how they look when I'm trying to dress up nicely. It doesn't fit with the look I'm going for. Also I love seeing blood, maybe I'm just weird

I would take care of all my self harm scars to prevent infections and to speed up the progress of healing. Luckily they have mostly healed and faded nicely so it's barely noticable. They don't bother me anymore.

I'm glad to hear they faded nicely! I was not as lucky in that regard

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

In a weird way, I like cutting myself. I don't know how to explain it. Also I love seeing blood, maybe I'm just weird

Don't think it's weird at all. I believe It has been scientifically proven that sh can reduce moral pain. I also love seeing my blood and I think it's common amongst people

 

[Kurushii]

Don't think it's weird at all. I believe It has been scientifically proven that sh can reduce moral pain. I also love seeing my blood and I think it's common amongst people

Good to know Im not the only one who adores the sight of blood!

 

[Kattt]

Over the decades, I've managed to acquire a pretty extensive collection of scars. I feel like a complete idiot tbh. It's not just s/h. I actually have a thing about blood and have had since childhood. However, it's taken 35years to realise I can collect the precious nectar using a hypodermic and a syringe. Had I caught onto this earlier, there would still have been a fair amount of scars, but fewer. I even cut my throat, but fortunately, the creases in my neck have hidden that. There's no hiding the devastation inflicted on my arms, but I made myself accountable by going swimming with my dad. He's an incredible human being and I know it hurts him to see them. But it would hurt him much more if I had fresh wounds. So in doing this, I really need to be disassociated before it will happen again.

 

[hellispink]

I dont care about them. But i hide them given that i dont want any stupid people asking me why or judging me over it. Like i dont wanna waste my breath convincing or explaining things i just cant explain. F them

 

[AndromedaZ]

I rather like them. Might as well; they aren't going to leave (some might fade over time, but I have scars over a decade old) and I know I will make more whether they stay or don't. Plus, they are the only part of my body I truly have control over. I can make my skin look different. It's the same thing as tattoos in that way, and I really like my ink.

Finally, since this is a goddamn suicide forum and if I can't post this here I can't post it anywhere - Yes, I like that the world can see that I'm fucked up.

 

[Unending]

If I go out in public while I'm feeling self conscious, I definitely will think about them and find it quite unpleasant but the majority of the time, I sort of just wish that I had more. I think it's considered a toxic mindset but I like seeing them and creating new ones because they're the only physical manifestation of my pain that others have been minimizing for my whole life. I guess they're like more expressive tattoos in my eyes, tattoos that only express pain.

 

[Hirokami]

I do considered them rather unsightly and they're just a constant reminder of how damaged I am. I don't really bother to hide them, though.

 

[MidnightDream]

I have a couple of quite obvious ones, and to be honest they don't bother me in the slightest. If people want to judge me on them, then they aren't the kind of people I want in my life. For the most part, they've helped other people open up to me because they can see i've been through it myself

 

[theviewfromhalfway]

A lot of times I'm not bothered but then I see people my age and remember how young I am to have scars that are going to last forever and that maybe my kids(if I make it that far) will see and need an explanation for. It just makes me sad that this is my body now and how much it's changed, I'm always going to have a reminder of the pain I felt even if it does show strength.

 

[Ultracheese]

A weird mix of pride and embarrassment. Pride because I see them and I find comfort in being able to hurt myself before anyone can hurt me. And embarrassment because they look so ugly.

 

[sadstuffie]

i used to like them (edgy i know), but im starting to think my thighs look ugly covered in all these cuts. ..& i made a big mistake & did one near my elbow & it's the only one on my arms & you can REALLY see it & it bothers me even though it's small.

 

[pyamu]

I don't really know what to do when others see them, so embarrassment.

 

[tiredplant777]

I don't like my scars. I did them at 16-17 and I didn't realize they would stay for the rest of my life. So, finally at 33 I got them covered with a tattoo I love. You can't 100% cover scars, but the tattoo artist did an amazing job and honestly you have to really look to be able to see them. If anyone is interested, a dark tattoo with black ink and a lot of details works well, for example mine is of a hawk. It's nice because I worried for nearly 20 years about this, and now I don't worry about it any more, I'm not scared of showing my forearm at work anymore, plus I got an awesome tattoo.

 

[ohtwoait]

They're honestly one of the only things I actually like about my appearance... None of my scars have ever been deep enough to last more than a few months aside from a few on my thighs, but before they fade, seeing them always feels a little reassuring. I always wish I had the courage to go a little deeper to make them more prominent, stick around for longer, etc, but I usually end up chickening out after doing a few shallow cuts.

The only thing I don't like about scars being visible is when people react to them, I always hate getting nosy people at work like "omg what happened" or whatever.

 

[zaros]

i like them, i can't really explain why but theyre just. nice. like i would be sadder if i didnt have them they're important to my identity. self harm isnt that big of a deal to me, its just a coping mechanism, so what if it leaves scars, i like them lol. plus its fun to make up wack ass stories on the spot when people ask me about them. theyre probably the only thing i like about myself