i feel, very drained. not sure how to describe it otherwise i just feel bland? maybe? i find myself having little enjoyment in anything i do.
i know exactly what that feels like. when that happens to me i try to usually sleep it off, or find something that will cause a particularly strong emotion. usually something that might cause happiness. but even if its something that lets say would make you mad or something i guess thats okay. just something to cause a really strong emotion. it might not fix it, but maybe it'll let you feel something. hope this helps good luck <3
Mad. Sad. Angry. Despised. Self-hatred. Negative. Rage.
My plan fell apart again. My parents found my CTB items I needed for the exit bag.
I cant stand the pain. They're making it worse by removing access to these things and making me live longer in agony. They aren't loving. They are pro-life. And pro-lifers only care about quantity over quality.
:( i get that exactly. i hate how much parents try to keep their kids alive, not really thinking about the suffering they're actually going through. just thinking about how they would feel. i hope you find a method soon and don't get caught good luck sending lots of love <3
I've just finished my finals. Aside from stressing over how my grades are gonna turn out, I have no idea how I'm gonna cope for the next 3 months without uni to preoccupy myself with. I don't have the motivation or discipline to do anything productive and studying under pressure was the best distraction I had. maybe i'll finally find the conviction to ctb.
aw i get loosing your distractions so much. it feels horrible when you just feel so alone and raw. personally, in my opinon, you sound like you actually enjoy things, like uni. maybe try to find something out of the house to do every day until it starts again. like join an art class or something. you can even do stuff that doesn't require money, like joining a volunteer group. feel better soon :)
Fine, I guess. Bullshitted my way through work like I've been doing for the past year. Tried distracting myself from intrusive thoughts, but it never lasts long.
My good days would be the brink of a mental breakdown for your average person.
I miss my best friend, my person. That's just never going away, I guess.
:(( i'm going through similar stuff so i understand you exactly. just getting by the days, not really being there though. just constantly feeling horrible, and on top of that your friend. i lost my best friend, so i get how it feels not to have them. the most important person in your life.. just gone. i really hope things start looking up for you soon, sending lots of love <3
I feel terrible. I have to go to work tomorrow, but I'm tired of working in general. If I stop working I can't get any money, and I'll just become poor. I'm not even fully independent in this, I'm still kinda stuck with my abusive parents but I'm just so tired. I'm still trying to CTB.
i'm so sorry your stuck in that tough situation. it can be really hard when we feel stuck with almost no way out. are you considering moving out? i understand how hard of a decision that can be though. and to actually get it done feels even harder. have you ever tried finding someone else to stay with? i hope your situation gets better soon <3
Mom discovered my SN because it went to the mailbox before it went to the door like it did last time. We had a long talk about it.
What she doesn't know is I bought more SN from a different website around the same time just in case and am having it held at FedEx so that won't happen again. It will probably arrive in the next week.
I feel so horrible about this, but it's my own life and I'm not responsible for hers anymore like I was when I was a little kid. I refuse.
i get that exactly. i've been caught mailing stuff to my house that i wasn't supposed to have in the past as well. just the absolute drop in your heart once you realize they found it. i'm glad you have more on the way and i wish you luck! your completely right too your not responsible for her, nor should you ever have been. good luck with this new package!
I feel numb, I just want to be gone forever. Everything feels pointless…
that's how i feel too. sort of like your existing, not actually living. feel better soon <33
I feel too much. I feel worthless. I feel like an absolute waste of existence. I'm trying to hold on to whatever is left of me that keeps me going but it's so hard. I just want to sleep all the time forever. When I am lucid dreaming (unless it's a nightmare) I get so desperate to just keep dreaming. I feel so much judgment and self hatred for myself. While also feeling so numb and empty so it's confusing. I feel like I can't be saved no matter what even if at the bottom of my core there could be a part of me that wants to be. I feel pointless. I feel disgusted with myself that I am the way that I am. I feel no hope. I feel my soul is crying as I'm internally disappearing. I feel drained having to put on a face all the time because It makes me feel even more like shit when I see how I effect others. I feel so much suffrage inside like if you ripped me open, you'd hear my internal screams louder than anything else. I feel like I am absolutely nothing and yet I feel everything. I feel everything and more…
i don't think your a waste of existence. if it means anything, even the interaction you had with me is very important to me. i get all of your emotions so much, because i feel almost the same. especially just continually wanting to dream, and not wanting it to end :/ i hope talking about how you felt helped even in the slightest. i wish you peace, internally and externally. good luck <333
i feel absolutely hopeless. i don't think i've ever felt more alone than i do at this very moment. i'm thinking of everything in my life that has got me to this moment, which saddens me. just sitting in bed, rotting away, thinking of how i want to end it when the time comes. it all feels so bleak.
i feel this too, just rotting away, feeling like your wasting your days away. only thinking about how your gonna ctb next. i hope something positive happens for you, whatever that may be. good luck <3
You are so kind, thank you. It means a lot. Sometimes even the slightest interactions can mean so much. I'm sorry you can resonate, what ever you may be going thru, it isn't always easy and you we're kind enough to show others and myself comfort. I appreciate you. Yessss dreaming is one of the best escapes. Expressing myself definitely helped get some thoughts and tears out. I wish the same for you too. I hope you are able to find your overall happiness, however that may mean to you
