Discussion How do you feel knowing that death is near?

[kitchenwindow197]

For weeks ive been preparing emotionally to ctb, i was initially very scared but this week its like a switch has flicked. Im feeling excitement and peace more than anything else, i plan to go within the next 2 days. At night i seem to want to still have some fear and want to die alot less- really not sure why, but i wake up and realize its the only thing i can do now.

Im curious to know what people, who have a definite plan, are feeling?

 

[DivineSpark]

There is fear, fear of pain and afterlife. But then there is feeling of great relief.

 

[Reflection]

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless. I also have many regrets but in the end I also feel great comfort in it.

 

[CravingPeace]

I don't have my method yet, but it's been ordered. I feel a great sense of relief, tbh.

 

[Mooncry]

Still very scared, but… also excited. Like I know that waiting isn't going to magically make things any worse or better than what they are now, so I know it's time. I think I'm gonna be ready.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I have failed attempts but I wouldn't have known in that moment, they would have failed.
Fear, excitement, sadness, regret, anger, happiness, loneliness, and mixed with a bit of peace in knowing something new would be next, or this would finally be the end. I often thought of staying, but I knew what staying meant. What I didn't know is what would happen next but it was so worth the risk to take. I always cried as I prepared to leave. It's difficult to explain all these emotions that build up in that "moment." If I had to pick the biggest emotion out of it all, is happiness that I was finally leaving from this cruel world. My only hope in that last moment was I could see my deceased mother and sister just one more time and tell them I love them and that I really tried. Yea, that's how it felt. Welcome to crossing over. I hope you have safe travels and get the outcome that you truly desire. I wish you the best. If there is even a slight doubt you are making the wrong decision, please stop! Just because you make a post and perhaps wrote goodbye letters doesn't mean you can't change your mind. It's always important to member, it's your final decision. If you do go, please tell my mom and sister I love them and I'm still trying.

 

[Afterglow]

Scared. I'm scared.

 

[failedmind]

Scared, sad, and at peace all at the same time.

 

[g0ne1nthew1nd]

fear, adrenaline, numb, excitement, and calm (yes they all contradict lol)

 

[Peace2peace]

Scared and uncertain

 

[been__ready]

fear, adrenaline, numb, excitement, and calm (yes they all contradict lol)

I think this about sums it up for me as well… one walking contradiction..

 

[areyousafe??]

I was overall relieved when I finally made up my mind to ctb. Now, waiting for my day to arrive, I feel a mix of emotions - bored, numb, depressed, sad, calm...and scared. The fear will always be there before I attempt ctb because SI is inevitable.

 

[WhenIBreathe]

Terrified. And so sad that it has to come to this after everything

 

[Soontocatch]

I am scared of doing it as well but sometimes it gives me this euphoric feeling,and I feel like that is what might push me over the edge to actually ctb

 

[dead dav]

I am not scared of death my only problem is the effect it will have on others that's what's stopping me but I crave death so having a method planned gives me a calm feeling

 

[L'absent]

I am at peace with my feelings...around me the ocean is calm. I really don't regret anything.

 

[twilightSparriw]

Well i'm not in my 20's… would give myself another 10 or 15 years perhaps before everything is about to collapse… so yeah i'm anxious and OCD and ADD and what not so i don't see myself ready for any future… it's okay. Would like to keep things in my own hands…

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Powerless, defeated, depressed, hopeless. It's not a good feeling, I haven't made peace with it yet because I know I will hurt others with my death. I feel conflicted: I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. I don't want to keep trying, I don't want to feel hope again because hope only leads to disappointment and heartbreak. I don't want to give life another chance because I've done it many times and this last one broke my spirit. I just want to say goodbye to my mother and fall asleep forever.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

The circumstances that have pushed me here just make me sad. Overwhelmingly sad. Waiting for the day to arrive is making me feel impatient, bored, empty... I could make it happen sooner, but the date I've chosen is important to me.

My entire body feels heavy. Whenever I think about my current situation I get a rush of deep misery. I've accepted that I'm going to die at my own hand, but I hate that this is how I will feel for the next few weeks.