Discussion How do you feel about self harm?

[nicetomeetu]

Hey there, I wanted to make a fresh discussion about self harm because I was curious and honestly, I feel like it could help people understand it better.
So personally, Ive been only self harm free for 2 weeks now. I did it compulsively during a breakdown. Im lucky that it blends in with the older cuts, so people who know me dont even notice.

So, why do you self harm?

For how long have you been self harm free?

How do you feel after self harming?


Hope you all had a nice day, and thanks for reading.
Hugs and kisses.

 

[eclipsee99]

I'm 4 days clean. I'm hoping to make it to a week, but my head at the moment is making it pretty difficult.

My problem is, all I ever think about is dying. It's just taken over my brain. That's why I tend to opt for the self harm route.

Congrats on being 2 weeks clean though!

 

[lucacaro]

I've actually stopped self harming up until very recently. When I cut my arm to do an SN blood test it's kind of made me want to start up again. So far though all I've done is a small little smiley face on my arm lmao. I've always liked doing non-deep designs on my arm.

I have never understood people when they say they self harm for the pain - I don't enjoy pain. Whether because they feel they deserve it or because it distracts them from their emotions. I've always done it simply because I like how it looks. Especially the blood. I like doing it in the shower because it makes it look bloodier than it really is. (though on two occasions I was very emotional and sort of suicidal but I obviously never went deep enough to die)

Before recently though I hadn't done it at least over a year but maybe even two? I kind of stopped after I made my big scar. From the inside of my elbow to about the very top of my wrist I have a long straight scar. It's never felt right to cut since because I like it's aesthetic and didn't want to busy up my arm with more. I didn't make the line in one go btw I worked in parts.

Don't really feel much about it. I just think it looks neat because it's never been a super emotional thing for me. Sometimes I'm annoyed when I realize it's long sleeves for me for a bit though. Will add though it has made me worried about getting jobs before. But I'm gonna die so I've stopped worrying. When people ask what happened I say it was a sea bear... drew a square instead of a circle. lol

 

[Fehler]

I have not done it for 1 year more on less (although an autoslap or punch to the stomach sometimes falls, especially slaps, I'm getting a taste for it lol). I didn't get to barely cut myself (by the cictracies and possible suspicions. Also, I didn't "unburden" as much as hitting walls or doors)

I've been a year without my "outbursts of self-hatred", hitting on a door until my knuckles bled (crappy doors, no plywood)...on the other apartment where i lived, I destroyed (and paid ) 2 doors.

In the act, I felt no pain, although I had chunks of splinter stuck in; I reached a point that my hands looked like a pimp when I have never hit anyone.

When I came to myself and thought about what happened, I ended up regretting it, although there was a time when I always had scars on my fists, something not very nice when I worked in front of the public.

Let those 2 weeks turn into months

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I've been a bulimic for more than 30 years. I use it to harm myself. I've also been addicted to laxatives which was a dumb way to seriously harm myself (someday I'll learn from my mistakes I hope).

I'm in my late 40s and I started cutting for the first time when the Pandemic started. I use a safety pin to carve words in my skin. The stinging is intense and, for a few minutes, I can focus on that discomfort. By the time I don't notice it anymore, the flashback is usually done.

I don't know how to just "be" with emotions. I never have and I'll do anything not to feel them.

 

[WornOutLife]

I have thought about it but never done it. I really hate any kind of pain! (Especially being a broken-hearted guy lol)

 

[eclipsee99]

I've been a bulimic for more than 30 years. I use it to harm myself. I've also been addicted to laxatives which was a dumb way to seriously harm myself (someday I'll learn from my mistakes I hope).

I'm bulimic too actually. I've never thought of it myself as self harm but I suppose it is isn't it?

 

[Øystein]

I don't think I'll ever be clean for very long. I self harm not as a punishment, but rather for the high and peace that physical pain gives me. It feels godly. Narcotic. I don't really enjoy the moment the blade rips my skin open, but what comes immediately afterwards, and doesn't leave for about two hours. I hope I don't come off as too much of a weirdo, but it reminds me of a long orgasm, and that's incredibly soothing when your head is exploding from psychosis and suicidality. Apart from self harm, I hate any kind of pain, and it does not feel good for me.

 

[ansiedad]

Ive stop cut myself, the last time was 2 weeks ago more or less.

The firt time that I did that was 2 or 3 months ago. I saw a thing that was so painfull for me and I catch a knife and wrote 'pain' in my arm, to never forget the pain, I still feel this pain. Later I chatch this knife sometimes and cut my arm and my leg(its less suspicious...).

But at now Im try to dont hurt myself more.

My mental pain cant be envolved in this...

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I'm bulimic too actually. I've never thought of it myself as self harm but I suppose it is isn't it?

It really is. I waste too much money, load up my body with foods I shouldn't eat (food sensitivites) and then vomit, use laxatives, use diuretics, restrict or use amphetamines to compensate.

It's not a kind thing to do to my body. Jeez, I've been doing this longer than most of the members here have been alive. fml

 

[eclipsee99]

It really is. I waste too much money, load up my body with foods I shouldn't eat (food sensitivites) and then vomit, use laxatives, use diuretics, restrict or use amphetamines to compensate.

It's not a kind thing to do to my body. Jeez, I've been doing this longer than most of the members here have been alive. fml

I myself have never gone down the laxative route. Straight up vomit for me. Though the money aspect hasn't hit me yet.

I'm anorexic with bulimic tendencies, usually I avoid eating as much as possible. Only when I don't have a choice but to eat, is when my head tells me to take alternative actions.

I can't imagine how much money you'd spend on laxatives alone, and for so long too :(

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

Hey there, I wanted to make a fresh discussion about self harm because I was curious and honestly, I feel like it could help people understand it better.
So personally, Ive been only self harm free for 2 weeks now. I did it compulsively during a breakdown. Im lucky that it blends in with the older cuts, so people who know me dont even notice.

So, why do you self harm?

For how long have you been self harm free?

How do you feel after self harming?


Hope you all had a nice day, and thanks for reading.
Hugs and kisses.

thanks for the topic and for sharing. i started self-harming last year so I'm still pretty new to it. what triggers me is being filled with so much emotional pain that i feel like i'll explode. self-harm feels like releasing a pressure valve if that makes sense? i feel extreme relief afterward. Hugs to you!

I don't think I'll ever be clean for very long. I self harm not as a punishment, but rather for the high and peace that physical pain gives me. It feels godly. Narcotic. I don't really enjoy the moment the blade rips my skin open, but what comes immediately afterwards, and doesn't leave for about two hours. I hope I don't come off as too much of a weirdo, but it reminds me of a long orgasm, and that's incredibly soothing when your head is exploding from psychosis and suicidality. Apart from self harm, I hate any kind of pain, and it does not feel good for me.

I totally understand.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I still do it to this day. I've gotten better about hiding it.

 

[ZardozOmega]

I cut my thighs when things get tough. I dont cut anywhere else cuz I don't want people finding out

 

[sourpink]

my wrists/arms are so sufficiently and deeply scarred that the absence of new wounds makes people believe i don't cut anymore. as are my thighs. all thats changed is I stick to the uppermost parts of my thighs, hips, keeping it very hidden.
my anorexia is a legal adult. extreme restriction, exercise. I used to purge, but have had severe medical complications from purging alone, and they're more likely to happen again with one of my medications. I definitely have a lot of complications from having my ED as long as I have as well.
my drug addiction comes and goes in waves, but more out of necessity than naturally. that too created its own set of medical issues.
I kinda can't navigate existence without some sort of crutch.
not self harm free here.
but I'm very definitively happy for those of you who can/want to/are working to alter those behaviors.

to add on:
I self harm because I do genuinely believe i deserve to be hurt. I also enjoy pain. I enjoy this very physical self sabotage and its gore and havoc.
it's an escape from reality. it's a high. but those things can only last so long before the comedown.

 

[Antigonish]

I do it and I love it. Yet i hate it and want to stop. I know why i do it, until after I've done it.

 

[shadowchaser]

Yeah. There have been dozens of times I should've gotten stitches but didn't and now I'll have these scars for the rest of my life.

to add on:
I self harm because I do genuinely believe i deserve to be hurt.

I relate to this completely. I do deserve it, and while I know it's not rational it feels worse for some reason to even doubt the validity of that statement.

 

[oneanonymous]

I only used to self harm as a kid and teenager. I'm turning 34 this month. Since I was a kid, I would punch myself in the head, slap myself in the face and dig my nails deep into my skin whenever I was having a tantrum. This went on until I was a teenager. As I teenager, I started to burn my arms by heating a spoon, fork, whatever with a lighter and trying to hold it down as long as I could which was never too long. I think I have one tiny scar from it. This was also done when I was really upset or angry. It was all compulsive, nothing thought out. I was just super upset and needed some kind of physical release. Some people hurt others when they're angry, I would hurt myself. I still sometimes dig my nails into my skin or something, but that's about it.

 

[Ardesevent]

I deserve it. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Maybe if I cut deep enough, I'll die on accident, or it'll help get rid of SI sort of thing. Dumb line of thought, but it's what dear old brainy-brain decided to go with.

 

[nowhere2befound]

I started cutting myself a couple of months ago. It was a great medicine for anxiety i suppose if it was anxiety. In the beginning my body would would feel cold and my blood pressure would drop. The feeling was amazing. Now, there is no effect but i sometimes do it as a sort of a punishment. Still somehow feel a bit better when i do it

 

[nightrider11]

I deserve it for everything I've done in hurting my best friend.
Sometimes I slip into this catatonic phase and it's the only thing that helps me snap out of it. Most times it's just crippling unbearable pain and I know there's only one thing that'll make everything ok again.
It's been 3 years and my left arm is raw. It's weird but I feel like cutting has become a part of me now. my blades — my little metallic friends. they've saved me when nothing else worked.

@everyone above me, if I could take away your pain somehow, I would. I would take it on for myself so fast. It frustrates me when other people can't understand, but I'm grateful they don't. when I meet people who do, my heart instantly drops.

For those of you who have done both... I kindof ran out of space on my forearm, and am thinking about moving to my thighs. Does it feel different? Is it more sensitive? Is it a bad idea to cut over old scars?

also does anyone else take pictures? For some reason I started keeping a record in a hidden folder on my phone. It's a reminder of what I've survived, the number of lows I've hit.

 

[nicetomeetu]

I'm 4 days clean. I'm hoping to make it to a week, but my head at the moment is making it pretty difficult.

I wish you the best of luck on the rest of the week. Try to not let your emotions get the best of you, try to distract yourself as much as possible.

Before recently though I hadn't done it at least over a year but maybe even two? I kind of stopped after I made my big scar. From the inside of my elbow to about the very top of my wrist I have a long straight scar. It's never felt right to cut since because I like it's aesthetic and didn't want to busy up my arm with more. I didn't make the line in one go btw I worked in parts.

Oh I have some of those too, sometimes in the middle of the cutting line I slip and it cuts a squiggly line into my skin, because I have a problem with shaking too much, so most of the time if I cut long lines, theyre done in parts, but Im dumb so theyre always uneven.

The stinging is intense and, for a few minutes, I can focus on that discomfort. By the time I don't notice it anymore, the flashback is usually done.

Can absolutely relate.

I do it and I love it. Yet i hate it and want to stop. I know why i do it, until after I've done it.

The love and hate relationship with self harm. I understand, its really hard to stop.

I hope everybody here has the best possible weekend they can have.
Hugs and kisses. smooch smooch

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Bit self destructive and can cause problems if people find out but sometimes a necessary release for stress and a way of coping with life.

 

[Nymph]

Self harm is really addictive, when I thought I escaped it for a while, I tried it again once and fell back into the loop. It sucks really, but it's a way I cope

 

[Deleted member 23774]

I started self-harming when I was eleven, I am now in my early forties, and I still do it off and on. I burn myself with cigarettes and incense, cut myself with glass and a box knife, and I barely eat, but when I do I binge. I am unable to handle my emotional pain so I cut myself to have relief even if it is just for a moment.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Personally I've never understood the self harming thing, to me life is painful enough without doing that! And since l know absolutely nothing about self harming l'll leave my comment there!

 

[Lostandlooking]

also does anyone else take pictures? For some reason I started keeping a record in a hidden folder on my phone. It's a reminder of what I've survived, the number of lows I've hit.

I've also made pictures of my self harm. When I was going through my files and photographs because I wanted to delete the stuff that I didn't want anyone to see I realized I kept my depression very hidden. Usually nothing was to be discerned in photographs. I knew I was going through a crisis at the time, but nothing showed up on pictures. I thought something SHOULD show up. So I started making photographs and putting them in a separate folder. Somehow it feels important.

 

[Lost.]

I have medications induced numbness and I am so depressed because of my state. I stoped selfinjury more than mont ago because of real danger of ending up at ER. I realy don't want that because of several reasons!! Last time i selfharmed i cut into fat and hit small artery.
Selfinjury was good distraction from emotional numbness, it gave me a positive emotions, my emptiness was smaller, gave me feel of control, gave me some sense of life, made me feel alive, saved my life in the past, was exchange for cry (i cant cry the most of time, i rare barely and for short can cry), it made me feel conected, etc. It has a lot advantages, and unfortunatly lot of disadvantages. Since i stoped i am more depressed, empty and senseless. I feel like my chance for survival are less without selfinjury. I miss selfinjury every day. :(
Btw i have photos of my selfharm.

 

[zer05mdy]

I have BPD so when I'm experiencing bad symptoms and having a mental breakdown, I feel like I'm in such intense and painful agony in my chest. SH was the only way I've been able to find some sort of "release" from everything that I feel during the episode or breakdown. The second I cut it's like such a rush or release of the emotional pain as it's like transferred to physical pain if that makes sense?

I'm currently 111 days clean but I feel myself on a verge of a bad relapse so I'm kind of just waiting for it to happen. I don't have the will to fight urges anymore like I was able to for awhile. Didn't expect to stay clean this long anyways as it's my longest streak. All good things must come to an end I suppose.

 

[Girliwanttokillmysel]

Hey there, I wanted to make a fresh discussion about self harm because I was curious and honestly, I feel like it could help people understand it better.
So personally, Ive been only self harm free for 2 weeks now. I did it compulsively during a breakdown. Im lucky that it blends in with the older cuts, so people who know me dont even notice.

So, why do you self harm?

For how long have you been self harm free?

How do you feel after self harming?


Hope you all had a nice day, and thanks for reading.
Hugs and kisses.

Well I've never cut or anything but I'd like to try, I'm very low at the moment, I've been having suicidal thoughts for 4weeks already and freling like shit for a really long time, but I have a question, does it hurt really bad like I'm not gonna go deep but does it hurt ?