Discussion How do You deal with the issue of not wanting to hurt others when ctb?

[_Minsk]

I've seen many posts here about people who struggle with this, I know we don't owe anyone anything, but still, is there an ultimate answer to this, and how do You deal with this?

 

[madbananas]

Not too much of an issue for me. People cut me off because I'm too clingy. My mum is the only person that will be really hurt, and I don't want to hurt her but it's a toxic relationship anyway. So basically, people are better off without me. I also can't handle being cut off by people without so much of an explanation (I'm too clingy, not an abuser or anything). So I think it's better for everyone if I'm gone.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

The problem is firstly I do feel like I owe something, but also if I try to CTB again I might be abandoned. It causes hurt and so different people will walk away at different times. I don't feel it's fair that I expect them to be there until my death but not the ther way round. So it's probably the biggest problem for me now

 

[BPD Barbie]

I don't really deal with it well tbh. I try and push it to the back of my mind and not think about it at all. At some point something inside snapped and I decided I had to put myself, my needs and feelings first and stop living for other people. But the idea of leaving my mother still plagues me, I just know how badly it will effect her and I feel terrible for that, but what can I do? I don't think there is a solution.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I don't really deal with it well tbh. I try and push it to the back of my mind and not think about it at all. At some point something inside snapped and I decided I had to put myself, my needs and feelings first and stop living for other people. But the idea of leaving my mother still plagues me, I just know how badly it will effect her and I feel terrible for that, but what can I do? I don't think there is a solution.

I'm just delaying it as long as I can, what else can you do? I'm trying not to prepare too much so I fleeting feeling won't make me do it, but I'm sure one day at least I'll be either free of bonds or suffering too much so I am learning what I can for then. I don't want to find myself in agony for the rest of a long life with nothing I can do about it but a wreckless suicide

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I don't deal with it at all. I start crying my eyes out but at the end of the day I'm the one going through this pain. I'll be leaving a personal video for my mom, telling her she did all she could and she is the best and I love her. Sadly I don't think there is a solution to this problem. Leaving devastated loved ones behind haunts me and I truly don't know what to do....I would have given anything for life to have worked out. I just hope they forgive me and see that I'm no longer suffering.

 

[thelastofhope]

I'm still struggling with this, I know how much it would hurt my parents, my mum especially and I'm worried she might ctb too because of me. I would have killed myself a long time ago if they weren't around. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this for though

 

[death137]

Its somewhat an issue for me. Its hard but I try to find peace in this by saying I probably won't see the aftermath and also by saying if my mother die because of my suicide at least her suffering life will end.

 

[Ardesevent]

It's not really an issue for me. My dad's going to be devastated whether I die or become a failure.

 

[deleted]

My parents don't care about me, and likewise I don't care about it simple. I remember when I was younger and I loved them despite the fights and abuse, but it was just a matter of time for me Hating them and myself

 

[JustKillBen22]

One of the main reasons, hell probably THE main reason I'm still around. I have a couple people I am beyond incredibly worried about how it'll affect them, but everyone I care about is also a worry to me. I know I make their lives worse, I know I do, but it will still hit them hard, and I don't want to do that, at the end of the day I just don't have a choice, and I know they'll be ok soon enough. And the couple people who I worry the most about, I just hope to hell that they can get past it.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I am fiercely protective of those I care about. Anyone that would hurt them, I would never forgive.

How am I supposed to ctb guilt-free? I'll be hurting them. Worthless. Disgusting. How could I? But I can't live either. I have to die. I have to die. I need to die. The self hatred is only getting worse. Is there a way to deal with it? Is there a way for this to stop tearing me in half? If someone knows how to make it stop please tell me I can't take it.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Running away to Germany with no way to contact me and terminating my existence at night when nobody will see.

 

[emptysoul69]

When I first attempted suicide, I left a note, thinking it would provide enough rationale for my family to "understand" and perhaps process their pain. However, looking back a note isn't effective. Nothing I can do will prevent my loved ones from feeling pain, so I try to put on a brave face and make my time with them count, so that their memories of me are good ones.

 

[Emily_Numb]

Honestly? I have a lot of close family, a few friends, people who care, but when it comes to CTB my selfishness will win every time. I think CTB is the ultimate act of self indulgence. That might sound strange to some but when you want to go, no one else really matters but you and your everlasting peace.,

 

[AJ95]

I struggle with this a lot :(

I don't really know how to push past it, I try to reason my way around it by thinking that it would be insane to live the rest of my life miserable to spare my loved ones pain, but it still feels awful knowing that my death will really hurt them.

 

[Ghost2211]

If I ctb my kids would be alone with their dad. It would be fucking them over twice.

 

[whywere]

I have no family, friends, nobody except my family members here. So ctb would mean nothing except getting my flat rented out to some one new.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

I struggle with knowing it will hurt my kids, they are absolutely the only reason I have not CTB yet.
I don't care how it hurts anyone else in my family, except my dad, or anyone that knows me in general.

 

[willitpass]

it's a big issue for me, but the further i sink into mental illness the more apathetic i come and the less i care. i don't want people to hurt, especially my family, but i'm getting to a point where i don't care as long as i die. and a sick and twisted part of me is curious of how some people will react, not in the sense that i want them to hurt just out of pure curiosity of how it would effect their life.

 

[vacant_n]

This is where I'm stuck. I keep trying to figure out how to do it in the least traumatizing way possible, but you can only do so much. Even people who have hurt me, I don't want them to think I'm doing it to spite them or get revenge, because I'm not. There's nothing I can say or do to soften the blow enough. I've spent my entire life dealing with trauma and the last thing I want to do is create more, but it seems impossible.

 

[goodbyebunny]

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but being cared about is a type of pain too. When people are attached to you and your wellbeing, you're chained to them. Guilt and feeling like other people depend on you to be ok, is a powerful leash that can keep you bound to your life.

 

[Smellanie]

I flipflop between feeling awful about how it could hurt people and the next day wanting to die just to spite everyone. (Ya I know this isn't a thing to be proud of) In the end I cope with it because I genuinely think I am not needed by anyone, and everyone will be either better off or neutral if I die.