Meditation guide
Always was, is, and always shall be.
- Jun 22, 2020
- 6,089
Sprite_Geist
NULL
- May 27, 2020
- 1,592
I don't deal with life, it's more like dragging myself along. I only do the necessities that are just enough to keep myself barely functional. It don't feel alive most days, in fact I don't even think. It feels like being a robot that's set to autonamous mode, and is running on low-power.
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I just endure day to day, waiting for my N to arrive.
Deleted member 17949
Visionary
- May 9, 2020
- 2,238
I don't, I just fantasize about dying
Stay in bed, all day, on here, plotting and obsessing over my suicide - its the only thing that brings me comfort
Writing, editing, reading, and smoking lots of ganja.
Meditation guide
Always was, is, and always shall be.
- Jun 22, 2020
- 6,089
Same here. This is all I have to hope for. There was a time when my health got bad I could exercise more, eat better and pull myself up a little. Not now. I'm in a permanent downward slide physically.
RRH
Student
- Jan 5, 2019
- 105
With great difficulty and I spend most of the day in bed. Sleep is my only escape from this nightmare and it's the closest you get to being dead.
When I finally get up, I chain smoke because of my anxiety.
I'm relieved my N is here, but it's hard for me to plan to ctb in this mental state. Such distorted and confused thinking.
I've had depressive episodes in the past, but this is next level..
When I finally get up, I chain smoke because of my anxiety.
I'm relieved my N is here, but it's hard for me to plan to ctb in this mental state. Such distorted and confused thinking.
I've had depressive episodes in the past, but this is next level..
AbsoluteNothingness
permanent eternal absoluteNONexistenceNOTHINGness
- Dec 17, 2019
- 86
I wish i could sleep to cope with not being able to ctb because i have no option at all to ctb and its driving me f*ckinf insane i think I'll lose my mind soon . I wish i never had to do anything of any type and that i didnt have to pretend i "want" to do them. I'm so tired. i wish overdosing on pills/drinking bleach was reliable because i really dont have any other option...
, I just donte want to live life at all no matter how the hell it is and having to live /exist /do things and all that crap even though i just dont want to live /do /expeeience life and never will for the sake of others/to please other fcking hurts. I just dont want to be part of life nor experience it, i donte want to live i dont want to be any "positive" thing/wwaynor any crap like that at all, i have to prerend Im active" and like I "want" to be dont want to take care of this goddamned human body im in i dont care how the hell it looks like nor its hygiene/apparence/health and im forced to care about it as well as many other things "i have to care about/want/do" when in reality I don't give a shit about anything at all and never will,. Sifh all this hurts so much ,im so extremely exhausted and can feel the anguish and agony in my throat and chest.... i wish I could at least bite my fingers or cut myself (not self hatred!!! As a way to cope with the fact that ie cant kill myself. I just don't want to experience life. i have no desire for it and never will . It fckkgn hurts that i can't have control over my existence here when I didnt even ask to be brought here nor be this thing i am (a human or whatever the fck i am ,i coulsnt care less. I just want to be nothing ffs.. im so tired. . im indifferent towards myslef ,couldnt care less, neither Positive nor negative . I dont want to be anyone. i dont want to belong here. I just want to be NOTHING please... wish I had a way out ,im so desperate ..) as a way to cope with unfortuntately still existing and having to live and all this crap i "must" want just because i was born .. but i live with my parents and for obvious reasons cant do any of that , they'd easily /immediately suspect ,also would ask why i did it and take me to a psychiatrist anyway, say it or not.(obviously WOULSNT say the truth.)
Not being able to calm my desperation, severe anxiety, anguish and frustration for not being just fckinf dead yet is absolutely horrible.
I just don't want to live life , don't ask why ,the reason is that, i just dont want to ffs.. i have no interest for life no desire and no will,Idont understand why the fck do i have to just bc ie was brought into this existence/world /life and was given a life against my will. I donr want to do anything in life nor be anything in life nor be any "positive " thing/way nor be any fcking way nor have any hobbies /interests nor any crap like that but im forced to snd have to act llike i "want to" and pretend i "have " and pretend i "want" to study /be something, pretend i "want " to do things, "what I have to do" and all that sh*t ... I donr want to do absolutely anything in life i just dont ,all this hurts so much ..
Being still here (literally have no method available for me at all ) even though i just dont want to feels absolutely horirble and its so painful . Im so desperate for a way out and barely can control/stop myself from losing my mind and attempting impulsively... i feel so trapped , all I want is to die i cant take it anymore...
, I just donte want to live life at all no matter how the hell it is and having to live /exist /do things and all that crap even though i just dont want to live /do /expeeience life and never will for the sake of others/to please other fcking hurts. I just dont want to be part of life nor experience it, i donte want to live i dont want to be any "positive" thing/wwaynor any crap like that at all, i have to prerend Im active" and like I "want" to be dont want to take care of this goddamned human body im in i dont care how the hell it looks like nor its hygiene/apparence/health and im forced to care about it as well as many other things "i have to care about/want/do" when in reality I don't give a shit about anything at all and never will,. Sifh all this hurts so much ,im so extremely exhausted and can feel the anguish and agony in my throat and chest.... i wish I could at least bite my fingers or cut myself (not self hatred!!! As a way to cope with the fact that ie cant kill myself. I just don't want to experience life. i have no desire for it and never will . It fckkgn hurts that i can't have control over my existence here when I didnt even ask to be brought here nor be this thing i am (a human or whatever the fck i am ,i coulsnt care less. I just want to be nothing ffs.. im so tired. . im indifferent towards myslef ,couldnt care less, neither Positive nor negative . I dont want to be anyone. i dont want to belong here. I just want to be NOTHING please... wish I had a way out ,im so desperate ..) as a way to cope with unfortuntately still existing and having to live and all this crap i "must" want just because i was born .. but i live with my parents and for obvious reasons cant do any of that , they'd easily /immediately suspect ,also would ask why i did it and take me to a psychiatrist anyway, say it or not.(obviously WOULSNT say the truth.)
Not being able to calm my desperation, severe anxiety, anguish and frustration for not being just fckinf dead yet is absolutely horrible.
I just don't want to live life , don't ask why ,the reason is that, i just dont want to ffs.. i have no interest for life no desire and no will,Idont understand why the fck do i have to just bc ie was brought into this existence/world /life and was given a life against my will. I donr want to do anything in life nor be anything in life nor be any "positive " thing/way nor be any fcking way nor have any hobbies /interests nor any crap like that but im forced to snd have to act llike i "want to" and pretend i "have " and pretend i "want" to study /be something, pretend i "want " to do things, "what I have to do" and all that sh*t ... I donr want to do absolutely anything in life i just dont ,all this hurts so much ..
Being still here (literally have no method available for me at all ) even though i just dont want to feels absolutely horirble and its so painful . Im so desperate for a way out and barely can control/stop myself from losing my mind and attempting impulsively... i feel so trapped , all I want is to die i cant take it anymore...
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A lot of alcohol, and some days ago I was on the point to break, so I take some off day from work, bought a vr headset and discovered new worlds in vr. It will only work for a time, most because I can't use vr at long time without being sick, but it's a very great experience.
I'm still waiting the end of a stupid promise I have made some years ago to my mother. But the day this promise is end, you will no see me there anymore.
I'm still waiting the end of a stupid promise I have made some years ago to my mother. But the day this promise is end, you will no see me there anymore.
Sad_Autistic_boy_101
When I die, you'll love me.
- Nov 19, 2019
- 453
I tried half life alyx recently, I maybe lose 70% of my virility and turned into a small squeaking mouse some time. I think I'm not ready for games like this. Very good experience btw.
Green Destiny
Life isn't worth the trouble.
- Nov 16, 2019
- 862
Csmith8827
Don't you listen to your heart? (Listen to it...)
- Oct 26, 2019
- 859
Find something good to focus on and shoot for the moon. I'm trying to get into clinical trials to make some $$$ so i've been running like close to 3 miles a day and dieting. It's better than drinking yourself to death. Books, Anime, instruments even if you have the drive!
