How do you deal with loved ones?

[fbegx]

I know CTB can sometimes be perceived as selfish. There are cases where it is, and there are where it's not. But for those who are not CTBing because of an abusive family (in terms of blood-related ones, not partners), how do you deal with loved ones? Like it pains me to know that all those my parents sacrificed to make me here will come to waste.

 

[Sunshine]

It is extremely traumatizing to loved ones. There is no way around it. Just take one look at this place:

Reddit - The heart of the internet

www.reddit.com

Personally I try to wait as long as possible so everyone is getting older, so they don't need to spend most of their life with this level of pain.
But for anyone who can't wait due to the pain, maybe leaving indepth letters and heartfelt explanations will soothe the pain a little bit...

 

[divinemistress87]

It's heartbreaking but one can't continue to live on for others when always in such pain for years

 

[FuneralCry]

No, procreation is what is selfish instead. There's literally nothing more selfish than imposing decades of meaningless suffering onto someone else, in my case I certainly never would have chosen to exist and I wish I never existed more than anything.

Suicide is a human right, if people are so against death then why do they bring life here in the first place they are the ones causing others to die and we are all just going to die anyway. It's disgusting how people procreate and want to force those they brought here to suffer for decades on end, calling them "selfish" if they want to leave when they are the selfish ones instead.

 

[wisteria3]

I agree, there's no way to get around the fact that you will be hurting loves ones. I think emphasizing in your note that this wasn't an impulsive decision, and you really thought it through. Maybe fully explain your thought process so that they can understand. Let them know there wasn't anything anyone could do to stop you, and maybe they can take some comfort knowing you were in pain for a while and now that is over. Just like if a child had a terminal physical illness, parents might feel some relief when their child is finally free of suffering. Also, that at least they had several years of good memories to be grateful for even if those memories had to come to an end. I don't really know, I guess there are no words to fully comfort them, but we can do our best.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Suicide is a human right, if people are so against death then why do they bring life here in the first place they are the ones causing others to die and we are all just going to die anyway. It's disgusting how people procreate and want to force those they brought here to suffer for decades on end, calling them "selfish" if they want to leave when they are the selfish ones instead.

Suicide is the least selfish thing you can do. You are perpetually suffering and constanting living for others while in pain. When you finally find the courage to relase yourself from the pain, its selfless to choose a end to the pain instead of living in pain for others. They brought you into this world selfishly and it is their lack of humanity that forces you to want to stick around without considering your pain. They can grow, knowing you are at peace.

 

[LaughingGoat]

It is the singular worst thing most parents can experience. Like you, had a great parent so I can't justify causing them that suffering. The only point I don't share is worrying about what they sacrificed since it was their actions that caused me to exist (don't resent them for that, it's just a fact).

 

[fbegx]

No, procreation is what is selfish instead. There's literally nothing more selfish than imposing decades of meaningless suffering onto someone else, in my case I certainly never would have chosen to exist and I wish I never existed more than anything.

Suicide is a human right, if people are so against death then why do they bring life here in the first place they are the ones causing others to die and we are all just going to die anyway. It's disgusting how people procreate and want to force those they brought here to suffer for decades on end, calling them "selfish" if they want to leave when they are the selfish ones instead.

I understand. Personally I don't agree with the view of calling it "selfish", as it takes a lot of consideration and courage, but I understand where it's coming from. It's just that I can imagine the devastation it will cause since I truly do love my family as well. I'll take the tips of easing it with notes and hopefully that will help it out a bit. It's my first post here but I'm rlyy glad of the help, thanks everyone!

 

[pleroman]

It is extremely traumatizing to loved ones. There is no way around it. Just take one look at this place:

Reddit - The heart of the internet

www.reddit.com

Personally I try to wait as long as possible so everyone is getting older, so they don't need to spend most of their life with this level of pain.
But for anyone who can't wait due to the pain, maybe leaving indepth letters and heartfelt explanations will soothe the pain a little bit...

It feels fucked up but it's very depressing to know there is nobody that will give half a fuck about me like these people feeling great loss on that subreddit.
It is supposed to feel liberating though.

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

My parents were never abusive but they don't care I'm not happy so why should I be bothered…

 

[Lost Impact]

i don't have loved ones so there's no problem there

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want to hold on to wait for them to go first. I only really have my Dad to wait for now. I realise not everyone can though. I suppose I've wondered what I'd do if things became utterly intolerable for me. I wondered if I would try to talk to them to try and get them to see it from my point of view and to have time to try and accept it. That may not be a good idea though because- not everyone can and some may go to extreme lengths- like sectioning.

Ultimately though- I think- if you really love someone- then you shouldn't want to see them in pain. I suppose I'd want them to try to acknowledge that there wasn't another way around it and that life really had become intolerable. Sadly, I suspect many of us will only be able to express that in a letter. Seeing as expressing it in real life doesn't always work out so well.

I'm sorry. It's a tough situation to be in. I know what you mean. I feel trapped here effectively. Sometimes, it's tricky not to feel panicked about it but for now, I just try to tell myself to take it one step at a time and promise myself, it won't be forever.

 

[SnackNinja]

I understand. Personally I don't agree with the view of calling it "selfish", as it takes a lot of consideration and courage, but I understand where it's coming from. It's just that I can imagine the devastation it will cause since I truly do love my family as well. I'll take the tips of easing it with notes and hopefully that will help it out a bit. It's my first post here but I'm rlyy glad of the help, thanks everyone!

It feels fucked up but it's very depressing to know there is nobody that will give half a fuck about me like these people feeling great loss on that subreddit.
It is supposed to feel liberating though.

Your lucky that you don't have that.to worry about

 

[deadtomorrow]

cant care if im dead

 

[__noknok]

It sucks but a common argument is that it's equally if not more selfish to advocate for someone to prolong their suffering just to keep their feelings from being hurt. imo the absolute only exception to this is if you have dependents like young children.

 

[ASp4E]

Since these loved ones are anti-choice, that significantly diminishes any empathy I'd possibly have towards them. So I don't truly care about whatever suffering they would go through, if they would even go through any, since they equally don't care about any I'd have to go through during my entire remaining life. And said lifelong suffering would likely be greater for obvious reasons, at the very least because many of these loved ones would probably die before me.

 

[abchia]

one of my problems is i don't want my younger sibling to have to live without me. the world is mean, and i see myself in them. how they internalize, and criticize themselves already at a young age. after i'm gone, who knows what they'll go through. i'm afraid i'd just be passing my pain onto them. everyone else in my family i don't feel bad about though.

 

[diazepam23]

It is extremely traumatizing to loved ones. There is no way around it. Just take one look at this place:

Reddit - The heart of the internet

www.reddit.com

Personally I try to wait as long as possible so everyone is getting older, so they don't need to spend most of their life with this level of pain.
But for anyone who can't wait due to the pain, maybe leaving indepth letters and heartfelt explanations will soothe the pain a little bit...

This is ridiculous.

NO ONE asked to be born. When you turn 18, people say "the world/your parents/your family owes you nothing".

But for some reason, many people in society expect you to live for "loved ones" because of the "pain" even though death is inevitable and people will have to experience that "pain" eventually.

I can guarantee you if someone distanced themselves from their family, no one would have an issue.

To say suicide is "traumatizing" is an opinion not a fact. There are many families who view suicide neutrally or positively. The ancient Greeks and Romans also accepted suicide.

Suicide in antiquity - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Manfrotto99]

I have no loved ones who would miss me

 

[Sunshine]

This is ridiculous.

NO ONE asked to be born. When you turn 18, people say "the world/your parents/your family owes you nothing".

But for some reason, many people in society expect you to live for "loved ones" because of the "pain" even though death is inevitable and people will have to experience that "pain" eventually.

I can guarantee you if someone distanced themselves from their family, no one would have an issue.

To say suicide is "traumatizing" is an opinion not a fact. There are many families who view suicide neutrally or positively. The ancient Greeks and Romans also accepted suicide.

Suicide in antiquity - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous or not, it's a fact. You can just use your brain and observe reality, but if you refuse to do that, there is enough research and studies that show that the suicide of a loved one profoundly impacts family and friends and significantly increasing their risk for depression, PTSD and own suicidal cravings.

 

[diazepam23]

It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous or not, it's a fact. You can just use your brain and observe reality, but if you refuse to do that, there is enough research and studies that show that the suicide of a loved one profoundly impacts family and friends and significantly increasing their risk for depression, PTSD and own suicidal cravings.

Why are you stating opinions as facts? You know not everyone has people around them and even if they do, then don't all react the same way towards suicide.

 

[Playingwiththedead]

It helps that i dont have any "loved ones". There are many that might force their definition of "love" on me but none that do anything but trigger my cptsd and none that i actually care about or would consider not ctb for. Im actually scared of seeing any of them in the afterlife because i already feel like i cant escape them or their image, i want to be rid of them permanently

there is enough research and studies that show that the suicide of a loved one profoundly impacts family and friends and significantly increasing their risk for depression, PTSD and own suicidal cravings.

It does, but sometimes they deserve to be changed

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I've lost two friends to suicide. Both affected me a great deal, and left behind a lot of people who were torn up about it. That's real, the effect that it has on other people is real.

The anguish and pain that brought them to that place is real too.

I know that there are people who would be affected by it if I killed myself, but that doesn't make it any easier to live. The challenges I'm dealing with are overwhelming and I'm very broken down, and that's real too. I don't have the power or strength to go on.

It is possible to have people who would be affected and also not have adequate help and support. And I've just, lost years of my life in struggling and ended up in a very broken place, I think that would be pretty apparent to anyone who knows me or knew me before. I hate leaving behind a legacy of failure, but I'm literally just too broken at this point to do much of anything else. We all have our breaking point. Most people are just never pushed to theirs.

 

[desiderium]

I've lost a good friend to suicide. It ruined the loved ones he left behind in his wake, and that is the brutal truth that shouldn't be ignored. His parents especially were devastated. Even now, years later, they haven't recovered from their unexpected loss.

There will almost always be people left behind in mourning if you commit suicide. The grief and anguish a death can leave behind is valid and suffocating, but so is the suffering and pain that drove the person to commit in the first place.

It's deemed 'selfish' to end your own life due to the pain you will cause others, but is it not 'selfish' of those people to place their feelings above the agony you're experiencing and wish to end?

Suicide is a double-edged blade, in my book. It hurts the loved ones you leave behind, but staying hurts you every waking day. My friend's death hurt so many people in ways I'm not sure will ever heal- even still, I don't find his choice selfish. I'm grateful that he finally found a permanent peace, even if it's a painful truth I've had to learn how to swallow.

 

[Jonah Byrde]

No, procreation is what is selfish instead. There's literally nothing more selfish than imposing decades of meaningless suffering onto someone else, in my case I certainly never would have chosen to exist and I wish I never existed more than anything.

Suicide is a human right, if people are so against death then why do they bring life here in the first place they are the ones causing others to die and we are all just going to die anyway. It's disgusting how people procreate and want to force those they brought here to suffer for decades on end, calling them "selfish" if they want to leave when they are the selfish ones instead.

Loved ones aren't exclusively your parents. The ones affected by suicide can be siblings, friends, aunties, uncles etc who didn't even procreate.

 

[Lost in a Nightmare]

This is ridiculous.

NO ONE asked to be born. When you turn 18, people say "the world/your parents/your family owes you nothing".

But for some reason, many people in society expect you to live for "loved ones" because of the "pain" even though death is inevitable and people will have to experience that "pain" eventually.

I can guarantee you if someone distanced themselves from their family, no one would have an issue.

To say suicide is "traumatizing" is an opinion not a fact. There are many families who view suicide neutrally or positively. The ancient Greeks and Romans also accepted suicide.

Suicide in antiquity - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I agree with you but I don't understand why you feel the need to post gory shit in threads where you disagree with people? We don't need to see gore of people who ended their lives that way. Some people just can't handle it and you have already been reported for this before.

You are right that none of us asked to be born and I completely resent my parents for having brought me into this world to begin with. I personally believe that if EVERYONE had access to a peaceful way out at any time, and if the majority of people didn't have suicide prevention shoved down their throats at every turn, then our loved ones wouldn't suffer anywhere near as much (and as someone else said, it isn't just our parents, it could be friends and anyone else from our families who chose not to procreate).

Imagine if people could give their loved ones a proper goodbye and have their own funerals while they are alive still, before drinking something that will help them die peacefully. That would be ideal. While it may be true that suicide isn't ALWAYS traumatizing for the people left behind, sometimes it is. If we lived in the ideal right to die society that we should have, it would take the trauma out of the equation entirely, or at least reduce it significantly.

As for me, I've been mentally distancing myself from my family for a very long time, or at least trying to. I still can't get over the resentment and anger that I feel towards my dad for bringing me into this world for whatever selfish reasons he had and then being abusive if I didn't go along with the script of going to school and becoming a good little wage slave. My mom is already gone from cancer, but I got over that easily enough. I'm more angry at the fact that if I continue to live without committing suicide, the odds of me getting the same kind of cancer or other blood disorder is very high because of genetics.

I am curious about the Wikipedia article you posted about the Greeks and Romans being accepting of suicide. I highly doubt that back in those days, they had access to a peaceful way out like Nembutal though. A knife or sword to the heart is probably the best they had, as well as hanging. In modern times, we should have access to something much better than that.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I've lost two friends to suicide. Both affected me a great deal, and left behind a lot of people who were torn up about it. That's real, the effect that it has on other people is real.

The anguish and pain that brought them to that place is real too.

I know that there are people who would be affected by it if I killed myself, but that doesn't make it any easier to live. The challenges I'm dealing with are overwhelming and I'm very broken down, and that's real too. I don't have the power or strength to go on.

It is possible to have people who would be affected and also not have adequate help and support. And I've just, lost years of my life in struggling and ended up in a very broken place, I think that would be pretty apparent to anyone who knows me or knew me before. I hate leaving behind a legacy of failure, but I'm literally just too broken at this point to do much of anything else. We all have our breaking point. Most people are just never pushed to theirs.

And I think that's totally valid.

"Thankfully" I personally don't really have any concerns other than my parents, then again I would not be thinking of CTBing if I had those in a substantial amount probably...

I've lost a good friend to suicide. It ruined the loved ones he left behind in his wake, and that is the brutal truth that shouldn't be ignored. His parents especially were devastated. Even now, years later, they haven't recovered from their unexpected loss.

There will almost always be people left behind in mourning if you commit suicide. The grief and anguish a death can leave behind is valid and suffocating, but so is the suffering and pain that drove the person to commit in the first place.

It's deemed 'selfish' to end your own life due to the pain you will cause others, but is it not 'selfish' of those people to place their feelings above the agony you're experiencing and wish to end?

Suicide is a double-edged blade, in my book. It hurts the loved ones you leave behind, but staying hurts you every waking day. My friend's death hurt so many people in ways I'm not sure will ever heal- even still, I don't find his choice selfish. I'm grateful that he finally found a permanent peace, even if it's a painful truth I've had to learn how to swallow.

Summed up it's just the suicidal persons well-being over theirs. Most people, even the loved ones or the ones who (sometimes supposedly) love me choose their well-being over the suicidal persons almost every day as well – while the one being suicidal ist still living and suffering – which is entirely fine. Humans are egoistical creatures after all and there's a certain merit in that: If everyone thinks about themselves when push comes to shove like in this case, everyone is thought of. I know that might sound weird, but in the end it's the only logic I can find regarding this.

The only duty so to speak is to think long and hard before going through with this, as in be damn sure it is the right decision for oneself. Otherwise one does not only do a disservice to the loved ones but also to oneself. But given that prerequisite it is up to them to accept an autonomous decision over ones live. No one holds agency over another persons life after all.