Help How do you deal with being you ? and being with you ?

[continuing]

I feel really jealous when I hear other people's stories about success or anything. It is kinda petty and pathetic, it's like "why can they have it, but not me ?" That makes me feel anxious when i encounter new people and hear their stories, their wins, is like seeing a window of something i want but i cant have and makes me feel really sad, even have a physical pain in my chest.

And also and kinda paradoxical, I've realized how hard is for me to deal with myself, just myself in my alone time, i always feel i need to have something, like texting someone, or being on a call, or having background noise like a podcast, if i stay still with only myself and my thoughts i start to get really anxious (im planning to start to get medication next year).

I tend to not value my alone time, ex : im doing something and someone invites me to do something else, i stop what i do, even if it is important to stay with that person, is like i dont value myself enough to feel what im doing with myself is worth it.

Thats being a really big problem for me, cause i know i cant count on people to be with me and make me feel better all time, also and i really, REALLY want to stop feeling like that, the enviness,so i can have some kinda of enjoyment on life, and be able to be near people and their victories and feel ok.

 

[NutOrat]

"How do you deal with being you ? and being with you ?"

I don't . But seriously, same. I relate to this deeply. I can't be left alone with my thoughts, they eat me from inside out. I hate, hate, HATE this piece of shit stupid loser motherfucker I have to live as EVERY SINGLE DAY. FUCK. I don't want to ever have to think about that, so all I do is distract myself with meaningless noise just to keep not confronting it. And one day I'll be rid of this piece of shit loser motherfucker, and I'll be free. But until then, I'll keep filling my head with whatever gets me distracted the most, keep existing I guess. For what? I have no fucking clue.

 

[timf]

One should be careful comparing oneself to others. Athletes often use a measurement of "personal best" rather than constantly comparing themselves to the worlds best.

There are people that measure themselves by what they have done, what they have acquired, and who they know. Sadly these are often left chasing the admiration and envy of others to justify their life.

If you can see value in kindness, compassion, humor, and character, you may find that people whom you previously envied, you now feel sorry for.

 

[continuing]

"How do you deal with being you ? and being with you ?"

I don't . But seriously, same. I relate to this deeply. I can't be left alone with my thoughts, they eat me from inside out. I hate, hate, HATE this piece of shit stupid loser motherfucker I have to live as EVERY SINGLE DAY. FUCK. I don't want to ever have to think about that, so all I do is distract myself with meaningless noise just to keep not confronting it. And one day I'll be rid of this piece of shit loser motherfucker, and I'll be free. But until then, I'll keep filling my head with whatever gets me distracted the most, keep existing I guess. For what? I have no fucking clue.

damn im sorry for that man, i feel you, i keep deviant from that from time to time and i dont know hoe to get out, but for real i really hope you can feel better in life somehow

One should be careful comparing oneself to others. Athletes often use a measurement of "personal best" rather than constantly comparing themselves to the worlds best.

There are people that measure themselves by what they have done, what they have acquired, and who they know. Sadly these are often left chasing the admiration and envy of others to justify their life.

If you can see value in kindness, compassion, humor, and character, you may find that people whom you previously envied, you now feel sorry for.

I can see the value in all of that for sure, is just that, is like i cant make my brain process this you know, make him stop envy other people.

 

[honeythunder]

Can you turn envy into admiration? I am not jealous often but I just got out of the hospital, and you always hear how stressful the medical industry is but i was so impressed. I heard them laughing and talking from my room, and they all had so much energy and big smiles. They were so good at what they were doing and they were all doing a hundred different things so fast. Admiration and jealousy are very confusing, I feel the same way about people who can cook really well. I would say pick one thing you like about one person you admire and try to imitate that.

 

[FoxSauce]

How do deal with me? Hmmmm denial and full on distractions.

I dont like me so If I dont think about me, there wont be a me to think about .


But in all seriousness I dont like thinking about me just that bad weird shitbIndo and why I did that to begin with. Or well why am I not better.


But I like admiring others

 

[Bellsbella]

I can relate to it. I don't value myself, which leads me to deep depression. But I can't help it. I can't even trust my judgement. I am quite sure that I myself will ruin everything that I have been building for a long time with some unexpected mistakes. Whenever I work really hard to make a good decision, I find myself choosing a horrible path out of nowhere at the end. How pathetic I am.

 

[TheWorstLife]

I feel really jealous when I hear other people's stories about success or anything. It is kinda petty and pathetic, it's like "why can they have it, but not me ?" That makes me feel anxious when i encounter new people and hear their stories, their wins, is like seeing a window of something i want but i cant have and makes me feel really sad, even have a physical pain in my chest.

And also and kinda paradoxical, I've realized how hard is for me to deal with myself, just myself in my alone time, i always feel i need to have something, like texting someone, or being on a call, or having background noise like a podcast, if i stay still with only myself and my thoughts i start to get really anxious (im planning to start to get medication next year).

I tend to not value my alone time, ex : im doing something and someone invites me to do something else, i stop what i do, even if it is important to stay with that person, is like i dont value myself enough to feel what im doing with myself is worth it.

Thats being a really big problem for me, cause i know i cant count on people to be with me and make me feel better all time, also and i really, REALLY want to stop feeling like that, the enviness,so i can have some kinda of enjoyment on life, and be able to be near people and their victories and feel ok.

relatable asfff bro

 

[Sadbanana]

When I get these kind of thoughts I start to compulsively plan my suicide and reassure myself that it will soon be over. Unfortunately that's all just lying to myself, because either there are no good methods or I'm too stupid to come up with one.

 

[°opulentGambler°]

I feel really jealous when I hear other people's stories about success or anything. It is kinda petty and pathetic, it's like "why can they have it, but not me ?" That makes me feel anxious when i encounter new people and hear their stories, their wins, is like seeing a window of something i want but i cant have and makes me feel really sad, even have a physical pain in my chest.

And also and kinda paradoxical, I've realized how hard is for me to deal with myself, just myself in my alone time, i always feel i need to have something, like texting someone, or being on a call, or having background noise like a podcast, if i stay still with only myself and my thoughts i start to get really anxious (im planning to start to get medication next year).

I tend to not value my alone time, ex : im doing something and someone invites me to do something else, i stop what i do, even if it is important to stay with that person, is like i dont value myself enough to feel what im doing with myself is worth it.

Thats being a really big problem for me, cause i know i cant count on people to be with me and make me feel better all time, also and i really, REALLY want to stop feeling like that, the enviness,so i can have some kinda of enjoyment on life, and be able to be near people and their victories and feel ok.

Super fuckin relatable, honestly just cheap distractions or substances to ignore my thoughts.

 

[alstroemeria55]

If I'm this unbearable to deal with myself I can't imagine how fucking awful I am for other people

 

[Fresh Soju]

Hypomania for weeks on end aside, what helps me is just not giving a f- about most things, and maximizing my own joy without hurting others in the process, e.g. wear what I want, be as weird as I want etc.
A lot of suffering honestly comes from yourself and your own thoughts. Once you get the dark loop of thoughts going it can be hard to let go as they keep reinforcing themself over and over.
Instead of thinking of how f-ing cringe you are because you look this way, or how f-ing cringe and lame it would be so ask this person how their day goes or about a shared hobbies you have (based on their outfit etc) you just go out and do it, or at least try to!
Or maybe you feel like skipping around on rocks one day, why not? "Oh no I am not literally 8 years old anymore, that'd be SO CRINGE AND LAME AND PPL WILL THINK HO-" no, no, just do it — once again.

However, to get to this point I also had to process my emotions. Not necessarily why, but just feel them intensely and have them go "through me" to release the pressure they put on me, something which meditation has helped me a great deal with, but this does take a lot of time and requires some mental headspace for it to not overwhelm you, which is where making yourself as comfy and well rested as possible, maybe even do it outside and do a walking meditation can help a bunch.

I also have suicide in the back of my mind all the time, but more passively, in a "well, if things really do go real bad I can always just end it" way, which does help a lot feeling more free in what I do.

 

[Lov3]

At first, it was very difficult to deal with myself, but after spending time alone and listening (metaphorically) to that dark voice in my conscience, I decided to listen to it. What used to scare me, embarrass me, etc., over time gave me clarity that everything good and bad is me, but it is by knowing all this that I can know my true nature.
It is a mistake to compare ourselves to others, since each person is a unique being. The point here is that things about ourselves that seem bad are not really bad; they are only bad when we do not know how to use them. The mistake is wanting to be, for example, a sculptor in a place of fishermen.
P.S.: I do not speak English, I translated it.

 

[magsx1]

Most of the time, I don't really mind being me and I don't really mind other people's stories, it's just the people who now try to make me feel inadequate for my lack of living experiences or my physical attributes. I've come to realise recently that there are people out there that will use your life to make theirs seem better about themselves and that's the main reason as to why I don't really like speaking to people. I think people are just rotten.

 

[orpheus_]

Same. I just try to cope with dark humour and thinking that at least people can look at me to feel better about themselves, because at least there's someone worse than them in everything lol
I also try to be generally helpful to others so at least I know that if I'm not cool or smart or anything, my existence makes someone's functioning a bit easier. Besides I just don't want people to suffer like me, you know, at least they deserve good. But even that sometimes backfires because even when you have good intentions, you sometimes end up doing unintentional harm.

Still I feel sad that I missed out on so much in life. I try not to think about it, a kind of denial. But sometimes when I realize how fucked my life actually was? How much I lost to despair and anxiety. God that immediately makes me want to die and I only stay because I don't want to hurt others. Also the optimistic, heavily medicated and overly caffeinated part of me always says, "well as long as you're alive you can experience something and everything is possible..."... Well not everything. I'm limited because of my fucked up mind. But when I think about it I just want to immediately end everything so I just live in denial.