how do you deal with a terrible family

[trashisland]

hi all. basically, my family sucks. my mother is abusive as hell and her mood changes so quickly. one minute she'll be fine and the next she'll say such hurtful things that make me want to kms. even hearing her raise her voice makes me so nervous its like im preparing for the worst. she makes me feel so worthless and ashamed of myself. its so suffocating and she doesn't care about anyone but herself. and my brother is terrible too. every time he's here im just waiting for him to hurt us all. it sounds bad I know, but he's unpredictable and has threatened it before. if its not her, its him. its like I can never escape from some kind of worrying or fear. there's a lot more but I dont feel like rambling.

I dont know how to deal with it. it's not something I can treat like what my antidepressants are for, it's just always there no matter what. I wont be able to change it, and it has a massive impact on my overall mood and depression. even just one bad moment makes me want to kill myself I can't stand it here. I also can't leave home because im broke and have no money or a job. I guess I just want to know if any other people here have terrible families, how do you cope? or if you have any ideas for me please help. I dont know how much longer I can keep living like this

 

[wtg]

You dont, at least i dont

 

[huhokaythen]

the answer is you don't deal with them instead you think of a way to get out,
and i hope you do get out of there asap.
i suggest u to save up money (whether it's coins left around the house etc), stash food, and gradually pack up your things unnoticeably, then when you're ready you can just leave and disappear

 

[spero_meliora]

the answer is you don't deal with them instead you think of a way to get out,
and i hope you do get out of there asap.
i suggest u to save up money (whether it's coins left around the house etc), stash food, and gradually pack up your things unnoticeably, then when you're ready you can just leave and disappear

pretty much this. do everything you can in your power to leave. if they're awful and controlling parents even if you're of legal age, you'll need to do this quietly so that they don't figure it out and try to stop you or sabotage you.

situations like yours are exactly why found family is a thing that exists, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[eggsausagerice]

some times/a lot of the time living with my parents has made me want to kill myself. there's no easy to way to put that you can only put up with it for so long. i know that i can't control the way my mom treats me and sometimes she just wants me to make me feel small so that she can feel good about herself. my dad will never do anything to defend me or make me feel better. my brother is a loser neet and my sister is never home.

everyone tells me to get a job, or secretly thinks that i'm not trying hard enough to get a job. i'm working on getting my license right now and i'm also trying (keyword) to learn piano so i don't think about killing myself constantly out of despair. i also have a 2ds which is fun. living day to day and having tangible goals/things that show progression are the most important things when living in a toxic household. having friends also makes things hurt less and gives you a support system, but making friends isn't easy when your household isolates you. i hope you feel better tomorrow bud. there's always another day.

 

[trashisland]

the answer is you don't deal with them instead you think of a way to get out,
and i hope you do get out of there asap.
i suggest u to save up money (whether it's coins left around the house etc), stash food, and gradually pack up your things unnoticeably, then when you're ready you can just leave and disappear

thank you everyone for the advice. I kinda figured there would be no way to deal with it but im glad for everyone's comments. my mother isnt controlling in any way so at least thats a plus, im just terrible at saving my money. but ill have to get better for myself. ill find a way

 

[Forever Sleep]

I had the advantage that I did have some inheritance as a backing but- like others have said- I think you need to put all your effort and focus into getting away. My life did improve when I left home. Are you studying? Have you worked in the past? Do you have friends who are looking to move out? The first steps can sometimes be sharing with others. Which can bring its own problems of course but, it may still be preferable to your life now.

 

[trashisland]

I had the advantage that I did have some inheritance as a backing but- like others have said- I think you need to put all your effort and focus into getting away. My life did improve when I left home. Are you studying? Have you worked in the past? Do you have friends who are looking to move out? The first steps can sometimes be sharing with others. Which can bring its own problems of course but, it may still be preferable to your life now.

im not studying and I dont really want to, I said i'd go to uni next year but I really dont want to. I haven't worked in the past. well I did but I dont count it because I left on my second shift. its stupid but for some reason I can't handle work/school environments. I also dont have any friends irl, and the only one I do have, we're not super close. I have other family members that could take care of me temporarily but I dont want to burden them, and I do get a very small amount from the govt each month bc im a neet atm. so I think my best bet is to save that and go from there, but its only 300 a month which is nothing to me but I have to make it work. thank you for the advice <3

 

[RunDown]

A mistake I made when I was younger dealing with my abusive parents was that I blew up my own life to spite them. Don't do this. Don't ctb to spite them. Set some goals, be the better person that you are, and get out if you can. I eventually went back to college, did very well, graduated with no help from them. I know you feel trapped now but accomplishing your own goals will make you feel free of them. Making good friends, therapy, and philosophy helped me out a bunch. Too bad I'm chronically ill and miserable for other reasons now. Best of luck to you.

 

[trashisland]

A mistake I made when I was younger dealing with my abusive parents was that I blew up my own life to spite them. Don't do this. Don't ctb to spite them. Set some goals, be the better person that you are, and get out if you can. I eventually went back to college, did very well, graduated with no help from them. I know you feel trapped now but accomplishing your own goals will make you feel free of them. Making good friends, therapy, and philosophy helped me out a bunch. Too bad I'm chronically ill and miserable for other reasons now. Best of luck to you.

im glad things worked out for you, I hope it gets better from now on. im not planning to do it just because of them, but more because I dont think I have any real future ahead of me. I have the ability to go to university next year which I dont really want to do, but I also know that better things may be able to come my way if I did go and if not at least I can say I achieved more than my parents. and id be able to get away from this house for a few years. so who knows. thank you for the advice its all super helpful much love to u

 

[traingirl]

hi all. basically, my family sucks. my mother is abusive as hell and her mood changes so quickly. one minute she'll be fine and the next she'll say such hurtful things that make me want to kms. even hearing her raise her voice makes me so nervous its like im preparing for the worst. she makes me feel so worthless and ashamed of myself. its so suffocating and she doesn't care about anyone but herself. and my brother is terrible too. every time he's here im just waiting for him to hurt us all. it sounds bad I know, but he's unpredictable and has threatened it before. if its not her, its him. its like I can never escape from some kind of worrying or fear. there's a lot more but I dont feel like rambling.

I dont know how to deal with it. it's not something I can treat like what my antidepressants are for, it's just always there no matter what. I wont be able to change it, and it has a massive impact on my overall mood and depression. even just one bad moment makes me want to kill myself I can't stand it here. I also can't leave home because im broke and have no money or a job. I guess I just want to know if any other people here have terrible families, how do you cope? or if you have any ideas for me please help. I dont know how much longer I can keep living like this

I cope by dreaming of killing myself.. my dad is verbally abusive and doesn't understand my severe depression. It just makes me wish I was gone even more because he digs in the knife that I am a failure.

 

[woodlandcreature]

you run away and never look back (easier said than done trust me i know… that's why im here lolz).

 

[Seneca65AD]

Okay - let's see what we can come up with. Broke, and in an emotionally abusive family, living in crisis mode. I am assuming under 18 - but if I'm wrong then the following suggestions can still work with some modification.

Do you live in or near a large city? That city should have mental health hotlines so reach out to them and let them know about the emotional abuse from your mom, and the threat of extreme physical harm from your brother. Everything should be confidential unless you waive it - double check to be sure.

Then check to see if there are in-person or even on-line treatment programs available for people in your situation. That is the first step to getting help in a more meaningful manner. Discuss the option of "emergency housing" at those sessions - bring up the danger from your brother, etc.

Most provinces and states will have social programs which allow people in abusive situations to apply for emergency housing. Sometimes the homes are temporary / transition houses and other times they are "term" homes - not foster homes but homes more like community housing until a more permanent solution comes up.

So - once you are out of the negative environment, then it's time to start thinking about your future. School? Trades? Because you are young, you basically have a blank slate. However, keep going to therapy and heal up from the emotional wounds. Every negative word is like small cut - pretty soon it adds up and CTB is the only option - and the fact you already go into crisis mode just hearing your mother's voice indicates your nervous system has been hard-wired by the trauma.

Then part-time job, student loans if necessary - and we have moved around 4-6 months from now. It's not going to be easy and there may be falls, but just keep moving one-foot in front of the other. You can make it - the fact you reached out shows that you want to make it - and you can.....

 

[trashisland]

Okay - let's see what we can come up with. Broke, and in an emotionally abusive family, living in crisis mode. I am assuming under 18 - but if I'm wrong then the following suggestions can still work with some modification.

Do you live in or near a large city? That city should have mental health hotlines so reach out to them and let them know about the emotional abuse from your mom, and the threat of extreme physical harm from your brother. Everything should be confidential unless you waive it - double check to be sure.

Then check to see if there are in-person or even on-line treatment programs available for people in your situation. That is the first step to getting help in a more meaningful manner. Discuss the option of "emergency housing" at those sessions - bring up the danger from your brother, etc.

Most provinces and states will have social programs which allow people in abusive situations to apply for emergency housing. Sometimes the homes are temporary / transition houses and other times they are "term" homes - not foster homes but homes more like community housing until a more permanent solution comes up.

So - once you are out of the negative environment, then it's time to start thinking about your future. School? Trades? Because you are young, you basically have a blank slate. However, keep going to therapy and heal up from the emotional wounds. Every negative word is like small cut - pretty soon it adds up and CTB is the only option - and the fact you already go into crisis mode just hearing your mother's voice indicates your nervous system has been hard-wired by the trauma.

Then part-time job, student loans if necessary - and we have moved around 4-6 months from now. It's not going to be easy and there may be falls, but just keep moving one-foot in front of the other. You can make it - the fact you reached out shows that you want to make it - and you can.....

im 19 actually but its good advice. I have opened up to my gp about my problems but they just gave me meds. im also in the process of being contacted about cbt. I have other family members that can take me in temporarily which is better as I dont want to live with strangers in any way. as of right now im already beginning my journey, im in contact with some people about my housing situation so we'll see. it'll take a while for them to give me a solution but in the meantime ill save all my money so I have something later for moving out funds etc. im slowly getting there. thank you very much for the response I really appreciate everything!

 

[wtg]

I have other family members that can take me in temporarily which is better as I dont want to live with strangers in any way.

Other family members actually will see you as a stranger. I have been there before.

 

[spero_meliora]

im 19 actually but its good advice. I have opened up to my gp about my problems but they just gave me meds. im also in the process of being contacted about cbt. I have other family members that can take me in temporarily which is better as I dont want to live with strangers in any way. as of right now im already beginning my journey, im in contact with some people about my housing situation so we'll see. it'll take a while for them to give me a solution but in the meantime ill save all my money so I have something later for moving out funds etc. im slowly getting there. thank you very much for the response I really appreciate everything!

that all sounds positive, well done! it'll feel a bit shite for a while, the whole waiting game of it all, but you're working towards everything the best you can. you'll quickly learn who your real friends and family are through this, too.

 

[socksnsandles]

you dont. get away from them unless you want to live your whole life miserable

 

[paradox_panic]

My entire family is abusive and I was in a very similar situation. It took me many years to get out of there, years I will never get back and years trying to fix something that wasn't my fault or mine to mend. The best thing I did was moving 800 miles away and restart my life incognito. my best advice on how to cope is to make it your mission to get out and distance yourself ASAP. Preferably before these situations end up following you for a long time.

Good luck and be strong