Discussion How do you cope with feeling extremely suicidal?

[InterstateFlowers]

Unfortunately, I can't be handed a silver platter of Nembutal whenever I feel suicidal so I just have to deal with my suffering without getting myself in a mental hospital.

Whenever I feel suicidal, I usually browse and read the suicide discussion forum. It makes me feel better in a way that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I'll also go on r/lastimages, sort by top of all time, and scroll down. The sheer amount of suicides on there is tragic and reminds me that I'll be missed and mourned, at least in my situation. 9/10 it'll make me cry, it's obvious that these people are desperately missed.

Ranting to myself on Google docs also works wonders.

It's weird but I'll also fantasize about my suicide to make myself feel better. I can just imagine doing it (SN method) and feeling so peaceful. Ctb'ing is probably the only thing that makes me feel exhilarated and happy in a excited kid at Disneyland sort of way. If I could, I'd ctb overlooking something beautiful like a sunset over a beach, it's so beautiful and pretty I know I would go out easily.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Feeling that way can mess with my head, I either draft blog posts to get it out (but never publish them) or I head here and PM a few, anything to distract myself from my mind.

I know what you mean about CTB whilst on a beach, I once was stood on a cliff top, ths sun was setting over the sea, the wind was calm, I sat down saw a single poppy, and I just thought this would be the most beautiful last sight one could have if one was that way inclined.

 

[madbananas]

Unfortunately, I can't be handed a silver platter of Nembutal whenever I feel suicidal so I just have to deal with my suffering without getting myself in a mental hospital.

Whenever I feel suicidal, I usually browse and read the suicide discussion forum. It makes me feel better in a way that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I'll also go on r/lastimages, sort by top of all time, and scroll down. The sheer amount of suicides on there is tragic and reminds me that I'll be missed and mourned, at least in my situation. 9/10 it'll make me cry, it's obvious that these people are desperately missed.

Ranting to myself on Google docs also works wonders.

It's weird but I'll also fantasize about my suicide to make myself feel better. I can just imagine doing it (SN method) and feeling so peaceful. Ctb'ing is probably the only thing that makes me feel exhilarated and happy in a excited kid at Disneyland sort of way. If I could, I'd ctb overlooking something beautiful like a sunset over a beach, it's so beautiful and pretty I know I would go out easily.

I fantasise about my ctb as a way of coping too. Completely get you with that.

 

[itsamadworld]

I pretty much do similar things to cope when feeling intensely suicidal. and i use google docs cuz i ditched microsoft...sometimes i fly into fits of sobbing, but that hasn't happened in a few days! Oh wait, that's not true, i cried a little this morning.... I have ptsd, bpd, aspburgers, anxiety, depression, and I recently quit my job...... In my last days before I CBT, I want to be retired so-to-say....But I am deeply terrified my SI will kick in....In terms of my exterior circumstances- at this point, I am okay.....but the depression daily suffering, and I just grapple with issues like "why do people have children?" What happens after death? Why do some people love life so much, but yet complain all the time or have a lot of drama? It's difficult for me to deal with inconsistencies like that.....This society has gotten to socially complex too....I get tired of that shit!....All these cat and mouse games humans play in communications! Not to mention all the external factors like all the work that needs to be done cuz of rampant materialism....It's No small wonder so many are exhausted and suicidal today...

 

[bipolarg0ner]

Talk to my mlp figurines or cuddle my plushie.

 

[0siris]

I watch space documentaries to remind myself how insignificant everything on earth is.

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

When I'm in a really bad way, like really bad, I'll just rant in my diary. Usually calms me down. Those days are few and far between now though, since I have a date in mind.

 

[Meowkin]

Distraction is a good technique for temporary coping. I find mundane things like cooking, cleaning, reading and watching movies help sometimes. What I find is that not all my distraction activities work all the time so some days I just can't be bothered to read.

I hope you find what works for you.

The appeal of suicide is that once it works, it works permanently so there's no need to keep switching methods like you might have to do with different distraction strategies. It can be frustrating being forced to cope because circumstances don't permit ctb. I hope you manage to cope and that life is a little bit easier for you while you're still here.

 

[Bct]

I haven't found a way to cope with it healthily, just let myself drown in the sorrow while fantasizing myself in various ways to die.

 

[Kumachan]

Im not good at coping anymore. But I dont need to cope with feeling suicidal - it is itself a coping mechanism. What I have a hard time coping with is the life situation rather. Just killing time. Any activity is just pointless, meaningless. Getting impatient really. I can say resolve to ctb is definitely a process, as the hope dies, it ripens. Now i think about it all the time, every minute literally.

 

[ssaaahmo]

i just try to run away from all my problems

 

[whitetea]

I do anything practical for when and If I do take my life. I go through personal emails texts etc I don't want others reading and re read then delete.

go through paperwork, letters, cards, any momentos I don't want people finding and shred. Photos I don't want people to see - get rid of.

literally anything that is practical and related to taking my life without doing it.

if that doesn't hit the spot then probably self harm I guess to try distract myself.

 

[ssaaahmo]

Im not good at coping anymore. But I dont need to cope with feeling suicidal - it is itself a coping mechanism. What I have a hard time coping with is the life situation rather. Just killing time. Any activity is just pointless, meaningless. Getting impatient really. I can say resolve to ctb is definitely a process, as the hope dies, it ripens. Now i think about it all the time, every minute literally.

i feel the same way

I pretty much do similar things to cope when feeling intensely suicidal. and i use google docs cuz i ditched microsoft...sometimes i fly into fits of sobbing, but that hasn't happened in a few days! Oh wait, that's not true, i cried a little this morning.... I have ptsd, bpd, aspburgers, anxiety, depression, and I recently quit my job...... In my last days before I CBT, I want to be retired so-to-say....But I am deeply terrified my SI will kick in....In terms of my exterior circumstances- at this point, I am okay.....but the depression daily suffering, and I just grapple with issues like "why do people have children?" What happens after death? Why do some people love life so much, but yet complain all the time or have a lot of drama? It's difficult for me to deal with inconsistencies like that.....This society has gotten to socially complex too....I get tired of that shit!....All these cat and mouse games humans play in communications! Not to mention all the external factors like all the work that needs to be done cuz of rampant materialism....It's No small wonder so many are exhausted and suicidal today...

i have ptsd and autism and anxiety and depression too

 

[SpottedPanda]

For me, like others, being suicidal is in itself a kind of coping mechanism. Thinking of ways to end it brings me peace and resolve.

When I'm feeling particularly stressed or anxious I turn to writing my thoughts down in Google Docs.

 

[Ghassane]

I jump in time *Sleep, 2-4 hours, before that i try to convince my brain to dream of something that would make me have a taste of happiness in real life sometimes it works and u get a vivid dream so if u remembered it after waking u also remember the feeling of it like it happened for real anyway just waking up after couple of hours is relieving.

 

[LastRide]

I fantasise about my ctb as a way of coping too. Completely get you with that.

Yep, I'm there with you too ! It sounds completely weird, most people fantasize about love or victory....my only victory will be to reunite with my current lover - Death. The more I think about it the more it makes me feel happy. Even physically excited I'd say, in an almost sexual way....

 

[madbananas]

Yep, I'm there with you too ! It sounds completely weird, most people fantasize about love or victory....my only victory will be to reunite with my current lover - Death. The more I think about it the more it makes me feel happy. Even physically excited I'd say, in an almost sexual way....

I really romanticise mine as well, like I imagine all the people who have wronged me crying themselves to sleep about my death lmao. Only reason I do That though is because it's the love fantasy which is most realistic. Typically people get upset when someone dies, so I know people would be upset. However they ignore me and treat me like sh*t in life, so fantasising about love in life is not even realistic for me. Whereas the love and compassion I will receive after death is definitely more certain. Hope this somewhat makes sense haha

 

[InterstateFlowers]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who fantasizes their suicide. Tbh I expected to see cutting and that's it. Good to see that people cope in a lot of ways. I get feeling like love and compassion will only appear AFTER dying, it certainly sped up a suicide attempt lol

It's weird but when I saw how sad my parents were I was kinda disappointed and sad. Like, godamnit it's going to be so much harder to die if you love me. I'm thankful they love me very much so I'm softer on them. But if they were mad or disgusted, I think I would stop waiting for the right time and bear the pain of hanging myself.

 

[muffin222]

I read the forums or I mentally "write" my suicide note in my head. I wonder if anyone else does this. Since I was a child I've mentally "written out" my suicide note in my head, like an internal rough draft.

 

[Klee]

I used to try and distract myself, which didn't work particularly well, so now I just let myself think about it. Fantasise, plan, comfort myself with it.
Usually, it passes. Sometimes having a good plan feels like a danger, but mostly it feels like a comfort.

 

[Oh so tired]

I'm afraid I self-harm to cope when intensely suicidal, it helps suppress the urges for a bit. I've also taken overdoses, not to ctb but to 'block out' the feelings.

 

[lanitoasmr]

you took these words of my mouth

I pretty much do similar things to cope when feeling intensely suicidal. and i use google docs cuz i ditched microsoft...sometimes i fly into fits of sobbing, but that hasn't happened in a few days! Oh wait, that's not true, i cried a little this morning.... I have ptsd, bpd, aspburgers, anxiety, depression, and I recently quit my job...... In my last days before I CBT, I want to be retired so-to-say....But I am deeply terrified my SI will kick in....In terms of my exterior circumstances- at this point, I am okay.....but the depression daily suffering, and I just grapple with issues like "why do people have children?" What happens after death? Why do some people love life so much, but yet complain all the time or have a lot of drama? It's difficult for me to deal with inconsistencies like that.....This society has gotten to socially complex too....I get tired of that shit!....All these cat and mouse games humans play in communications! Not to mention all the external factors like all the work that needs to be done cuz of rampant materialism....It's No small wonder so many are exhausted and suicidal today...

 

[LMLN]

I walk through my suicide in my head, over and over. I think of a date, and try to imagine myself following through. I read goodbye threads.

 

[Brackenshire]

Turn the tv up all the way..music all the way..online game and sing to the music....

 

[BlackPoppet]

Talk to my mlp figurines or cuddle my plushie.

I cuddle my Pillow!! I really love my softie pillow!!

 

[Mindisbrokennekorbsi]

I blast Gangsta rap, view the suicide discussion forum, or self harm.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

For the past three months it's been intense. I have generally been researching methods and sleeping. Literally, that's it. I find a bit of information or a tip and let it simmer until I build on it. And I sleep in between because I can't stand being awake. Thanks to COVID I've been laid off so I have the time...and the impetus to make sure this time it works.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I read ss to find a way to ctb that would work, mixed inbetween i scream at my husband because he died and then at god because he made him die. Then i comfort myself with everything hisband taught me that we will meet again even if i dont ctb now hell wait for me. Then i comfort myself as i have sn and just gotta dronk it. Then i calm down. Then it restarts from the begining.
I wish neighbours didnt hear me but im all alone with nobody to talk to so my dead husband and god are only close options.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Using every unhealthy coping mechanism in existence in order to delay my death - doing drugs, binge drinking, starving, cutting etc.
Creating art
Sitting on ss 24/7
Performing discouraging self talk while on the bridge 'You cant jump because you promised you wont, you tried 10 times already and you were unable to do it so leave it alone'

 

[Istanbulite]

I don't