Discussion How do you cope with being gay or lesbian?

[MakinItHappen111]

Its pretty difficult coming to peace with it when you grow up in a conservative religious family, how do you guys do it?

 

[sadbh]

Get away from your family?

 

[bagel12]

i grew up with an accepting family but i experience harassment and threats in public and mild homophobia from friends/family/partners. i am always the odd one out. it is isolating and painful and it takes a toll on my self esteem.

it helped me to read up on the science of sexual orientation. sexual orientation is mostly determined before you're even born. it's your biology, it's not within your control. this helped me shift my mindset from "i am the problem for being this way" to "i was born this way and there is nothing wrong with me." the problem isn't us, the problem is homophobic societal institutions that mistreat us.

another thing that helped me was finding lgbtq friends and eventually partners. i can be myself around them and i don't have to worry about being judged. it makes me feel normal for once and it makes me feel less ashamed of myself. and the love i have experienced in my romantic relationships is beautiful, i couldnt experience that if i forced myself to date the opposite gender.

the last thing is i moved to a less homophobic place and it makes me feel better, i dont get harassed in public as much anymore.

i am sorry you're in this situation and i hope that things get better for you. i hope one day you are able to find peace with being gay. you are perfect just the way you are. and you deserve to have others around you who like you for who you are, not who society wants you to be.

 

[LastNite]

move out when u can

 

[LogosBipartitusEst]

I don't, I'm not gay.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!

 

[LongJacks]

It's quite difficult I'm bisexual and I came out (Not fully come out because my family is like yours and they would call me a faggot and shit if I did) when I was 17 years old, at the age of 12-13 years old I started to feel weird and because I was brought up with an ignorant family I thought (Gays, Trans, Queer etc) were all being a "Faggot" and that "Faggot" was a thing... at first when I told my mom at the age of 12 or 13 she actually was angry with me and was disappointed and I never brought it up again, then when I was 17 I just couldn't keep myself closeted and I told her... the first thing she does is betray me and tells my religious freak of an aunt (My whole family are mentally ill but this one is especially... like a complete nutcase) and they confronted me as if I was Satan or something xD I ignored her and they slowly started accepting mostly my mom, I did a big mistake by telling my big brother which a few years later started abusing me and he constantly called me a faggot and a twinkie or whatever their homophobic nicknames were, (I'm the type that sometimes doesn't give a fuck) so every time he called me a faggot I started calling him a bull (Because his ex gf cheated on him) and I got mild homophobic comments from people or my cousins but you have to move on, my suggestion is to keep closeted from your family only and move out if you can, I also might be trans not sure... but Ik I can never transition in this life... it's not as easy as it looks for some people...

I wish you good luck

It's quite difficult I'm bisexual and I came out (Not fully come out because my family is like yours and they would call me a faggot and shit if I did) when I was 17 years old, at the age of 12-13 years old I started to feel weird and because I was brought up with an ignorant family I thought (Gays, Trans, Queer etc) were all being a "Faggot" and that "Faggot" was a thing... at first when I told my mom at the age of 12 or 13 she actually was angry with me and was disappointed and I never brought it up again, then when I was 17 I just couldn't keep myself closeted and I told her... the first thing she does is betray me and tells my religious freak of an aunt (My whole family are mentally ill but this one is especially... like a complete nutcase) and they confronted me as if I was Satan or something xD I ignored her and they slowly started accepting mostly my mom, I did a big mistake by telling my big brother which a few years later started abusing me and he constantly called me a faggot and a twinkie or whatever their homophobic nicknames were, (I'm the type that sometimes doesn't give a fuck) so every time he called me a faggot I started calling him a bull (Because his ex gf cheated on him) and I got mild homophobic comments from people or my cousins but you have to move on, my suggestion is to keep closeted from your family only and move out if you can, I also might be trans not sure... but Ik I can never transition in this life... it's not as easy as it looks for some people...

I wish you good luck

Also I wanted to mention I'm from Malta which is labelled as the MOST LGBTQ+ friendly country ever but it's all a lie by my government to gain votes, it's filled with homophobia... be careful where you go or move out to some places are quite homophobic across this accursed planet

 

[miyabi]

Its pretty difficult coming to peace with it when you grow up in a conservative religious family, how do you guys do it?

I hate how this is still so prevalent. I'm straight and I still tell one of my friends I love him pretty regularly, in fact it was the only last message I left before I attempted. On the other hand, our other gay friend in our group is so deeply ashamed of his sexuality he's almost homophobic. I can only imagine there must be a lifetime of brainwashing to get to that point. Sad.

 

[BradGuy123]

Do you still live at home? If you're on your own it makes a big difference. If you're having difficulties reconciling being gay with being Christian read the book "What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality." Also, find a church that welcomes gay people like MCC, United Church of Christ, Lutheran, or Episcopal.

 

[HNR_]

Communities would help you one hell of a lot, talking about serious matter or sharing memes about one's queerness or even unrelated things but with these same people can help you feel much more comfortable

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Im a trans communist and neither of these really make me depressed. My depression is other reasons but there was a time when gender dysphoria was a more significant factor before I had started hrt first through diy then with a dr. Though most people are shitty towards lgbtq+ I do actually enjoy a good bit of being trans now on hrt and when I spend time in organizing spaces people are very friendly, and i know some good folk where I work. Im in Florida btw. So you know, I dont think for me personally its been too bad even though im in a rural conservative area. To be honest, I think organizing for me and meeting lots of other queer people helped a lot. So I feel pretty good about being trans. Ive been depressed since 13 years old and lost my oldest brother to suicide at 16 and my family on my moms side overall has a seemingly strong history of depression. Apparently my grandmother has been depressed for years and tried multiple medications that didn't work. So I think its just like, my fuck ass biology or something.