How do you avoid relapsing?

[LilGhost]

I want to sh so hard…. I have blades available, the only thing that keeping me from doing so, the chore of bandaging arm cause I'll probably go to deep. And the awful smell. And the consequences because my hand already can't work properly due to last time slashing deep deep. But I still want to sh. I've been thinking about it all day (I've been thinking about it for months. Just today I finally found my blades.) I know if not today, I'll relapse soon
How do you keep being clean? Even if I throw away blades, I could always just buy new, so that would not work. The promises with friends just would make me feel guilty and want to ctb for being a bad friend, rather then stop myself. Plus that's oversharing. I've already lost enough friends by doing so

I used to think about ctb and sh all the time, now I want to try to go clean a bit longer? But I can't stop thinking about just ending it all. Genuinely…. How the fuck anyone holding up

 

[timf]

Self harm is usually a way to get a feeling of control in an environment one has little control over. Since it is usually done for the feeling it produces, one can become addicted to the feelings.

Even if an environment changes such that it is less oppressive, one can still feel the addictive call of the feelings one was able to experience. It can be useful to bring into your life some activity, even if it is something small, that you can use to give you a feeling of control. Even something like tennis lessons, reading adventure stories, or doing some volunteer work can be seen as you exerting control over your environment and give you a feeling that might be an alternative to the feelings you have come to associate with SH.

 

[LilGhost]

Self harm is usually a way to get a feeling of control in an environment one has little control over. Since it is usually done for the feeling it produces, one can become addicted to the feelings.

Even if an environment changes such that it is less oppressive, one can still feel the addictive call of the feelings one was able to experience. It can be useful to bring into your life some activity, even if it is something small, that you can use to give you a feeling of control. Even something like tennis lessons, reading adventure stories, or doing some volunteer work can be seen as you exerting control over your environment and give you a feeling that might be an alternative to the feelings you have come to associate with SH.

Thanks for the advice! Tried it before tho, my sh used to be rooted in control, but I feel like its a real addiction rn, as all my hobbies where I have control arent affecting my will to sh. Its more like intrusive thoughts of some sort, that never leaves me alone. I do really appreciate the response anyway