How Do People Do This?

[couragetodie]

How do people do this? How do they kill themselves? I have read as much as I can...how do they do it? How do they leave behind all their goals, dreams without even knowing what happens after death? I hate even writing this. My mind is slowly loosening it's grip. I am melancholic, maybe melodramatic. I wish that I could be like so many here who are so matter of fact about their decision to die. This sadness, this grief, this depression is driving me mad. I feel all alone. This is torture.

 

[SeventyNine]

The fact that at the point of wanting to CTB, you usually have no dreams or goals anymore. And feeling like whatever happens after death is better than living here. After thinking like that for a while, maybe a few attempts, you get used to it and gradually become desensitized to the fear.
At least that's how it is for me.

 

[Overtime]

If you'll really be there you'll know.

 

[Johnnythefox]

When the will to die overcomes the will to live.

When you can't take anymore.

 

[Ruffian]

I wasn't sure how to repost, but I think SeventyNine summed it up perfectly. If you still have goals and dreams, life may still be worth giving a chance, although I would never put words in your mouth. I signed up for an account because I have no goals and dreams left. Plus I'm tired of paying someone to try to convince me otherwise, or that another psychiatrist is going fix things. I don't know how old you are, but for me it is highly unlikely at this point that things will improve. I am here to lose the fear of going through with it.

 

[couragetodie]

Thank you @SeventyNine. When I am unemotional I believe what happens after death is better than during this life. I was such a goal-oriented person for so long. To let go of this mentality feels so strange but I suppose it was drilled into me my whole life to want to live. Thank you for responding — I just feel so alone in these thoughts.

 

[Retched]

Thank you @SeventyNine. When I am unemotional I believe what happens after death is better than during this life. I was such a goal-oriented person for so long. To let go of this mentality feels so strange but I suppose it was drilled into me my whole life to want to live. Thank you for responding — I just feel so alone in these thoughts.

You'll find here that you are not alone...thoughts don't get much easier but you're not alone, ever.

 

[LongSeason]

How do people do this? How do they kill themselves? I have read as much as I can...how do they do it? How do they leave behind all their goals, dreams without even knowing what happens after death? I hate even writing this. My mind is slowly loosening it's grip. I am melancholic, maybe melodramatic. I wish that I could be like so many here who are so matter of fact about their decision to die. This sadness, this grief, this depression is driving me mad. I feel all alone. This is torture.

Some people simply know when they're ready to go.
Nobody forces you to CTB, you have all the time of the world.
Whether they choose to do it or not doesn't change the outcome, we are all still going to die.

 

[Deleted member 4993]

I

 

[couragetodie]

thank you all for the support. while alive I see such a bleak future that I know I need to ctb now.

 

[LongSeason]

thank you all for the support. while alive I see such a bleak future that I know I need to ctb now.

Just think twice about that, don't rush it.
You should still try your best before you CTB, don't regret it.

 

[TheLastStraw]

If you truly are depressed and suicidal...just live for a few more years having everything go wrong for you

At least speaking for myself I've been suicidal 10 years, so I have thought about it so much and had such a shit life....I look forward to the day I end my pain/existence

 

[leaps]

When hopelessness surpasses hopefulness

 

[J.E. Morrow]

If you truly are depressed and suicidal...just live for a few more years having everything go wrong for you

At least speaking for myself I've been suicidal 10 years, so I have thought about it so much and had such a shit life....I look forward to the day I end my pain/existence

A few more years? Personally I'm considering a few more months.

 

[Kris1125]

If you still have hopes and dreams and the chance to achieve them...think twice before you write yourself off.

Personally, I had so many hopes and dreams and chronic illness/pain destroyed them all. It hurts to think about living the rest of my life just struggling to survive instead of taking advantage of all life has to offer.

 

[borntodie777]

How do people do this? How do they kill themselves? I have read as much as I can...how do they do it? How do they leave behind all their goals, dreams without even knowing what happens after death? I hate even writing this. My mind is slowly loosening it's grip. I am melancholic, maybe melodramatic. I wish that I could be like so many here who are so matter of fact about their decision to die. This sadness, this grief, this depression is driving me mad. I feel all alone. This is torture.

The key to doing it is not thinking about it too much.. the more you think, the more you reconsider things.

I've been trying to distance myself from SS for that And other reasons

Just do the research and do it

 

[Damn]

thank you all for the support. while alive I see such a bleak future that I know I need to ctb now.

Is it all the time or every now & then?, this website has helped me to see that there is a lot of us out there that feel this way, and there is always someone to talk to who genuinely understands what you are saying and how you feel, something that is lost with a lot of people, maybe much closer. For me it's about peace, one way or another and finding it, hope you find yours & hold through such a decision.

 

[Eren]

How do people do this? How do they kill themselves? I have read as much as I can...how do they do it? How do they leave behind all their goals, dreams without even knowing what happens after death? I hate even writing this. My mind is slowly loosening it's grip. I am melancholic, maybe melodramatic. I wish that I could be like so many here who are so matter of fact about their decision to die. This sadness, this grief, this depression is driving me mad. I feel all alone. This is torture.

In my case the answer is easy, I do not have dreams or goals, I have lost confidence in myself and the reasons why I want ctb are not going to change, in fact they will get worse and every time I will feel more frustrated with myself.

Nor do you think that CTB is easy for me, it is really difficult, the survival instinct is always going to be there and I also feel terrible for my family.

 

[TAW122]

Pretty much most people summed it up well here. When suffering exceeds the ability to cope with said suffering is usually when people go. As far as the survival instinct, yes that stupid biological impetus is always a hindrance and may likely still be there (albeit feint), but when someone reaches that point, then they have a much better chance of telling the SI to fuck off and just go through with it.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

Generally they're desperate and see no other options. I have also heard being able to tolerate pain and harm as well as having the ability to harm yourself will increase your chances. As well as impulsiveness, because people generally will consider suicide for a while and then snap, then ctb. (Although others plan it long-term and it's not impulsive for them).

Not everyone who's suicidal is capable of harming themselves. And that's okay. It makes sense when you think about it.

 

[LongSeason]

Generally they're desperate and see no other options. I have also heard being able to tolerate pain and harm as well as having the ability to harm yourself will increase your chances. As well as impulsiveness, because people generally will consider suicide for a while and then snap, then ctb. (Although others plan it long-term and it's not impulsive for them).

Not everyone who's suicidal is capable of harming themselves. And that's okay. It makes sense when you think about it.

I damn wish I was an impulse thinker

 

[Xerox]

There's nothing more painful than needing to go but having no way out. Every single day.

 

[TheCrow]

Personally, I had so many hopes and dreams and chronic illness/pain destroyed them all. It hurts to think about living the rest of my life just struggling to survive instead of taking advantage of all life has to offer.

Yeah, that's pretty much been the nail on the coffin for me. I'm not going to live as a disabled person. It's such a burden on my parents now (and I'm at the age where I should be helping them), and then it'd be impossible when they're gone.

Sometimes I'm in denial, like, how did so much time pass already? How did things get so fucked up and now it's too late to fix anything? I was afforded so many opportunities, and I turned out to be this piece of shit.

When you're ready to ctb, it's almost like you don't have a choice. Everything is fucked. You don't even remember what it feels like to have hopes and dreams. You don't feel like a person anymore. The other side is calling you, like it's just out the window. You'll know.

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

When there is nothing left to give, and there is nothing that I want to take, and hopes and dreams are as insubstantial as cigarette smoke on a windy day and nothingness, even nothingness itself, for ever, seems better than any more of this, because all that remains is a background radiation horror at this awful species, and all that it has done, and lied to itself about doing, and will continue to do, and will continue to lie to itself about doing, and I'm sick of it, I'm sick of hating us.

 

[bigj75]

Gotta go prison mode. Inmates in jail kill themselves with in the most unconventional ways. It can be done.

 

[TheCrow]

Gotta go prison mode. Inmates in jail kill themselves with in the most unconventional ways. It can be done.

Right?! I never understood how that was possible with a sheet until I learned more about hanging and especially how partial hanging works.

 

[Sover]

The fact that at the point of wanting to CTB, you usually have no dreams or goals anymore. And feeling like whatever happens after death is better than living here. After thinking like that for a while, maybe a few attempts, you get used to it and gradually become desensitized to the fear.
At least that's how it is for me.

It's strange. I still have goals but I'm fairly certain the fullfilment of them wont make me happy and that somewhere down the line I'll ctb anyway. I'm hoping I'm wrong.

 

[JWL]

The fact that at the point of wanting to CTB, you usually have no dreams or goals anymore. And feeling like whatever happens after death is better than living here. After thinking like that for a while, maybe a few attempts, you get used to it and gradually become desensitized to the fear.
At least that's how it is for me.

Not necessarily so, at least for me. I still have dreams and goals, but physical and other constraints now mean they can no longer happen.

 

[lost_soul83]

How do people do this? How do they kill themselves? I have read as much as I can...how do they do it? How do they leave behind all their goals, dreams without even knowing what happens after death? I hate even writing this. My mind is slowly loosening it's grip. I am melancholic, maybe melodramatic. I wish that I could be like so many here who are so matter of fact about their decision to die. This sadness, this grief, this depression is driving me mad. I feel all alone. This is torture.

My guess is, no one on here is matter-of-fact about ctb. They just know they want this torturous life to end and that outweighs their uncertainty about what lies beyond this life. No one know for sure what comes next, but we're willing to take a chance that it's better than the here-and-now. Good luck honey. I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Xerox]

When there is nothing left to give, and there is nothing that I want to take, and hopes and dreams are as insubstantial as cigarette smoke on a windy day and nothingness, even nothingness itself, for ever, seems better than any more of this, because all that remains is a background radiation horror at this awful species, and all that it has done, and lied to itself about doing, and will continue to do, and will continue to lie to itself about doing, and I'm sick of it, I'm sick of hating us.

Beautifully haunted words