Help How do I stop worrying it makes me want to ctb so much

[アホペンギン]

I have been stressing over my friend's future ctb for 4 days, I can't handle seeing another friend go and this friend in question is one of my best friends I cry when I think about his death I have no fucking idea how I will handle the real thing. All of this stress is making me extremely nauseous and preventing me from eating despite taking 2x my required antiemetic dosage, lack of food is making everything hard to do, I can't move, my body aches, I'm shaking, I feel so tired and I'm panicking so much, my eyes burn from crying so much and I'm so cold despite being under so many covers while writing this and this all makes me want to ctb I don't know what to do. I have been crying periodically for these 4 days and I feel like shit, people are harassing me on SS I want to ctb so much right now please help me I don't know what to do now.

 

[Minsu]

I'm so sorry what you're going through now I was feeling the same a couple of days back.. the desperation just disappeared fortunately.
But I'd say try to distract yourself with stuff you like.. like games, listening to podcasts, watching videos etc. I feel for you

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm so sorry what you're going through now I was feeling the same a couple of days back.. the desperation just disappeared fortunately.
But I'd say try to distract yourself with stuff you like.. like games, listening to podcasts, watching videos etc. I feel for you

I do that but the thoughts always come back sooner or later and I cry again

 

[Minsu]

I do that but the thoughts always come back sooner or later and I cry again

I know how you feel
I have an impression that my brain is playing with me.. when I'm down and feel desperation, then my brain realizes that this state might lead to ctbing and then I feel much better another day.
Idk if it would work for you, but just give it some time and you should feel better

 

[Lost Magic]

I lost a friend to suicide as well, but I understood why he did it. The guy was in jail at one point and he had schizophrenia. Tbh, I am happy and sad that he overdosed. However, I know, now, that he is in a much better place than he was. However, as a suicidal person myself, I understand your pain of not only losing your friend but also having similar feelings yourself. It's a very tough spot to be in and I don't have any easy answers. As @Minsu said these feelings will pass with time. Try not to allow intrusive thoughts to dominate too much of your thinking.

 

[dmdmdm]

I don't know what to do now

Nobody does. That's why we're here. To talk to people in similarly helpless situations. Not trying to encourage anything, I'm just asking out of curiosity; Why didn't you ctb yet?

 

[アホペンギン]

I lost a friend to suicide as well, but I understood why he did it. The guy was in jail at one point and he had schizophrenia. Tbh, I am happy and sad that he overdosed. However, I know, now, that he is in a much better place than he was. However, as a suicidal person myself, I understand your pain of not only losing your friend but also having similar feelings yourself. It's a very tough spot to be in and I don't have any easy answers. As @Minsu said these feelings will pass with time. Try not to allow intrusive thoughts to dominate too much of your thinking.

I'm sorry for your loss but hopefully you are right and he is at peace now..

And he is not only my friend but my best friend, we have so much in common and I wish we didn't meet in these dire circumstances where one of us will have to endure the pain of the other's death. I can't handle things changing too much and this will be too much for me I don't know what I will do….

Why didn't you ctb yet?

I'm too cowardly to ctb and I'm so weak right now, mentally and physically.



I'm crying again

 

[Baldwin IV]

Sometimes losing someone you care for is harder than losing yourself. That makes you only human, what you are feeling is valid seeing he is your best friend, that's something so tough.
Keeping yourself distracted and talking to new people helps too.

 

[リンさん]

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all of this. I cannot imagine how distressing it is to be losing so many people, along with what has been going on on SS.

I understand how it feels when things just keep changing all the time, it's an excruciatingly overwhelming feeling. I'm sorry. I wish I could help.

Not at all equating this to your situation, but when I got separated with my partner, I was inconsolable. Nothing helped. No matter all the distraction thrown my way, my mind still looped back to her. Best thing you can do for yourself is connecting with people and venting - I found that this was the only thing which made pain a little bit more bearable. Sharing it with others.

I wish you all the best

 

[OrphicEnd]

I can't handle seeing another friend go

This is also why suicide is not commonly accepted, death is always hard to accept and that's normal.

I have no fucking idea how I will handle the real thing

If you have the opportunity to spend time with him or talk to him, do it so you won't have regrets.
We are all powerless in the face of death, and it takes time to get over it, sometimes you never even get over it.
I know you don't plan to continue living, but have you asked your friend if there was something he wanted, something you could do after his death to honor his memory and his wishes ? Accomplishing one last task often helps.

lack of food

You don't eat because you don't want or you can't ?

I feel so tired and I'm panicking so much, my eyes burn from crying so much and I'm so cold

Try to take a hot shower and find something to eat, it will helps then you can try to put all your feelings (detailed and internal, for example : Why you feel like shit, if you feel abandoned by your friends who cbt before you...) on paper and have your friend or someone on the forum read it if you feel like it .

people are harassing me on SS

Who, why, and how ? I was there during your last two threads, would it be consequences of these threads ?

 

[JustARandomFellow]

Man... I dont know whqt im doing here just as much as the next guy.. but if your friend is still here, give him a hug, you two need to reconsider your idealogies on ctbing, talk to each other about the things that youre appreciative for, even if its something as miniscule as the bottle of water you got to drank today...

seriously try to get some help... These people arent your enemies, yes you might think its awful how they can restrict you and keep you under watch... But theyre ultimately trying to help you, thats how they can keep you safe until they find a way to help..

I cant really say im useful.. but this is the inly thing i can think off...

 

[Tulip<3]

I'm so sorry you are suffering, and you've seen a lot of friends cbt here. I have been wondering how you are doing. It sounds like things are really difficult right now, so be gentle with yourself as much as you can and remember we are here for you. I really mean it, pm me if you want to.

Are you out of the hospital now?

 

[SVEN]

If I knew how not to worry I'd happily share, but I don't. Your friend is just intending to fulfil his, and our, ultimate desire. The loss is yours, but the peace will be his. Sometimes our pain and distress are the price we pay for our affections.

 

[アホペンギン]

Who, why, and how ? I was there during your last two threads, would it be consequences of these threads ?

The users Meditation Guide and conarc were harassing me but not as much now, I contacted a mod

You don't eat because you don't want or you can't ?

I can't

I'm so sorry you are suffering, and you've seen a lot of friends cbt here. I have been wondering how you are doing. It sounds like things are really difficult right now, so be gentle with yourself as much as you can and remember we are here for you. I really mean it, pm me if you want to.

Are you out of the hospital now?

I dont know what words can describe how shitty i feel right now im so stressed it causes me not to eat and so many problems arise because of that

i got out of the hospital some time ago, i dont remember

 

[MrDarkness]

I remember I couldn't sleep knowing Kiko was going to pass, shit hurt a lot, all I could think of, it's hard it really is hard, tbh I can't give a way to help you as that's for you to find, that's the curse of ss you make friends and they have a chance of dying

 

[odazai]

I have been stressing over my friend's future ctb for 4 days, I can't handle seeing another friend go and this friend in question is one of my best friends I cry when I think about his death I have no fucking idea how I will handle the real thing. All of this stress is making me extremely nauseous and preventing me from eating despite taking 2x my required antiemetic dosage, lack of food is making everything hard to do, I can't move, my body aches, I'm shaking, I feel so tired and I'm panicking so much, my eyes burn from crying so much and I'm so cold despite being under so many covers while writing this and this all makes me want to ctb I don't know what to do. I have been crying periodically for these 4 days and I feel like shit, people are harassing me on SS I want to ctb so much right now please help me I don't know what to do now.

Yes the user meditation guide harassing shocked and angered me when I saw it ,because he/she started attacking for no logical reason and talking about your past attempt like it's hi/her fucking business

People on Internet bully others a lot but doing here??? This so fucked up because this is supposed to be a safe space not People getting harassed

People here are not mentally healthy enough to deal with this shit

I get it if a pro life talke shit on places like reddit or Facebook but here is not the place fo harassment



so sorry for what you are going through
Send you love hope it turns better than you thought

I have been stressing over my friend's future ctb for 4 days, I can't handle seeing another friend go and this friend in question is one of my best friends I cry when I think about his death I have no fucking idea how I will handle the real thing. All of this stress is making me extremely nauseous and preventing me from eating despite taking 2x my required antiemetic dosage, lack of food is making everything hard to do, I can't move, my body aches, I'm shaking, I feel so tired and I'm panicking so much, my eyes burn from crying so much and I'm so cold despite being under so many covers while writing this and this all makes me want to ctb I don't know what to do. I have been crying periodically for these 4 days and I feel like shit, people are harassing me on SS I want to ctb so much right now please help me I don't know what to do now.

It may sound stupid but sit with it
You can't get rid of it somtimes allowing your self to feel the sadness is better
if you try to avoid it, it makes you sick more
Allow your self to be sad without holding back
The only thing can help (maby) is time
sometime we need accept that we are at lowest we have ever been and there is no scape

Specially with panic and stress it's just soo much ( in my opinion the worst feeling ever)

When you allow yourself to feel it then it gets less heavy

I wish your heart find peace

 

[Jan1193]

I'm really, really sorry that you have to feel like this. Just yesterday I was reading your threat about the book of final exit and really help me. I'm new here and english is not my native languaje, but if you need someone to talk, send me a mp with all trust.
My mom passed away last year and I can't handle it. It's not the same that a friend but I know it feels lose someone and wanting cbt so hard but at the same time have so many panic. You're not alone. I send you my best wishes and vibes