How do I stop suicide prevention or resusicitation?

[Meatballhead]

I feel blocked from things that would make suicide convenient. Like guns(I'm a felon/thief),Drugs that would be easy to overdose on etc. Like this is such a gaslight that I am being forced to stay alive against my will. In jail I'd be humiliated for not eating ,in the psych ward they put a feeding tube in my nose. So willpower isn't enough. When I get close to convenient death things warp . So I'm alive another miserable disgusting day to be someone else's joke. I'm so disgusted that I can't kill myself. Not only that but I'm gaslit because people always have this bullshit way of acting like I'm free to kill myself,free to live etc and I'm not. Literally life only works one specific way and literally nothing happens . I'm just a pawn following orders and then they pretend like I gained freedom in it. People die on purpose and by accident yet people like me who wants to die and should have never been born are alive as societies joke!

 

[............]

I can truly relate. I know it's not a lot, but please know someone here can really relate!!!!! You put my thoughts just perfectly right there.

Like guns(I'm a felon/thief),Drugs that would be easy to overdose on etc.

I am blocked from these methods locally as well due to having done things I am no longer proud of when I was younger.

Not only that but I'm gaslit because people always have this bullshit way of acting like I'm free to kill myself,free to live etc and I'm not. Literally life only works one specific way and literally nothing happens . I'm just a pawn following orders and then they pretend like I gained freedom in it. People die on purpose and by accident yet people like me who wants to die and should have never been born are alive as societies joke!

People think suicide works like this: ''ok we will just go and do it, done'' but it's not true. They all underestimate it, so, so, much. Death is as fucking hard as birth, and ''normal'' people will never understand unless they go through this too.

 

[Meatballhead]

I can truly relate. I know it's not a lot, but please know someone here can really relate!!!!! You put my thoughts just perfectly right there.



I am blocked from these methods locally as well due to having done things I am no longer proud of when I was younger.



People think suicide works like this: ''ok we will just go and do it, done'' but it's not true. They all underestimate it, so, so, much. Death is as fucking hard as birth, and ''normal'' people will never understand unless they go through this too.

I guess I'm too picky . I don't want a scene. But I can't rile myself up correctly because for example I had unwelcome guest when trying to drink myself to the grave. Then right before I got to lethal drugs I got arrested. Nothing works though I'm just like this thing that exists .only able to do useless things and live like a slop. It's funny what does and doesn't happen in life where supposedly anything is possible .