Discussion How do i stop feeling envious of everything?

[Leonard_Bangley39]

It doesnt matter what it's about, every time i see or hear about someone around me doing something, i always feel envious. even if in retrospect, I've done things in my life that others would feel envious about, like spending a month in tokyo.

Its hard for me to join existing groups cause i always feel out of place and seeing everyong paling around makes me feel envious. hearing about other's relationships makes me envious. hearing about other's trips makes me envious. hearing about other's income makes me envious.

And i dont want to be this way because feeling this way just makes me a shitty person through and through. even if i dont always show my envy on my face or express it, i still feel it and it still holds me back from doing lots of things. i dont want to be a bitter, negative, envious person. nobody wants to be friends with a person like that. not even me.

 

[Dies Ultima]

Sounds like a self-worth issue.

Your worth is not what others are but what you are. Self-worth issues suck mostly because it is a thing about your self-perception, and it is fucked up to change that, but not impossible.

You are good as you are, you only need to start focus on yourself instead of the others.

 

[_Gollum_]

I feel you, I also struggle a lot with envy, mostly having to do with body image.

The only thing that has helped me has been to reframe my envy and turn it into second-hand happiness for the other person. So for example, if I find myself thinking "I wish I looked like her", I try to shift that around and instead say "Good for her that she has those gifts and that she's benefiting from them." What a blessed thing that she can enjoy that for herself.

It's not a panacea, and it doesn't stop the envious thoughts from coming up in the first place, but I have found that it dials down the more "toxic" aspects of jealousy (ie. the bitterness you mentioned).

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

Sounds like a self-worth issue.

Your worth is not what others are but what you are. Self-worth issues suck mostly because it is a thing about your self-perception, and it is fucked up to change that, but not impossible.

You are good as you are, you only need to start focus on yourself instead of the others.

i wish i could literally just plug my brain into a computer and rewrite it to stop being to stupid and self deprecating

 

[amy joyce]

i dont want to be a bitter, negative, envious person. nobody wants to be friends with a person like that. not even me.

Yeah I get them. When I feel that way I end up feeling worse than I already do. It's hard taking advice too. People telling me how I should be when that's exactly it. If I'm not like that, I don't want to pretend. Perhaps it takes a kind of training of the brain. Instead of trying not to be envious of whatever, try to be more comfortable with who you are and what you have. It may not always be great but there are always people worse off. There are some things I have like money in the bank and a good car and new property I can go work on and enjoy but I can't leave my house. I feel sick all the time and have anxiety. I don't even have a driving license anymore. Still I spend sooo much time planning things for it but never do it.

 

[Sadbanana]

What used to help me was imagining that other people are not concious. I know it sounds bad, but who cares.

You can't be envious of someone who isn't even real.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

im trying to not isolate myself as much. I still keep to myself, but sometimes I'll chime in in my friend's discord server, try to make conversation. but difficult because i work nights and everyone's always asleep when I'm on but whatever.

I feel like things are getting better, but i still feel envious of everything. especially socially. seeing people in the server act so familiar with each other, have their own inside jokes, hearing people talk about girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. it just makes me feel like a third wheel, or a background character. I get a bitter and envious feeling inside, but then i feel really bad for feeling that way and it just makes me kick myself inside.

everytime i see it i just go quiet and remove myself from the situation, i always feel like id be better off just not doing or saying anything and being annoying or a nuisance. i don't talk in social settings, i close discord and don't open or check it for a few days. Im hoping that when my meds start to take effect after a few more weeks, I'll feel different and I'll be able to change, to overcome everything.

sometimes i just wonder if I'll ever be able to change myself into someone i can like, someone i can feel proud to be, someone everyone can love, someone i can feel deserves that love.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i will never have anything. i will never find love. i will never know how to maintain relationships. i will never find anyone. i will never find a girlfriend. i will never achieve anything of meaning in my life. i will always be stuck working dead end meaningless jobs. i will always be ugly, out of shape and unattractive. i will always hate myself for everything. i will never get rid of these feelings. i will always feel like im about to die from loneliness. i will always look at everyone with envy. i will always feel a pain inside me when i see people in relationships. i will always want to kill myself, even if i dont always have plans to do so. i will never be happy with life. i will never find true friends. i will never find a girlfriend. i will never be a person deserving of friends. i will never be a person deserving of love. i will never have anything good. i will never deserve anything good