Help How do I learn to cope with and move on from the regret?

[LastBusHome]

I made an attempt last week that nearly succeeded but I ended up pulling out before sealing the deal. I wanted to end it partially to avoid the consequences of a lie that got way out of hand. Said consequences leading to what I believed to be an inescapably shitty living situation. That on top of y'know, generally not being too jazzed about living. I survived (duh). I confessed and things didn't turn out too badly but they aren't great either. This brings me to my dilemma.

I'm glad I'm still here as I didn't want to have to die in the first place. It felt like I had no choice which as it later became clear, wasn't the case. With that said dealing with the consequences of my decisions has been incredibly difficult. I completely fucked myself over and I feel really weary and overwhelmed already. I've just been feeling straight regret day in and day out for letting things get to this point. Likewise I've been feeling regret over an unsuccessful attempt. But I know I want to unfuck this situation. So I want to remain proactive and give it my best. Yet this feeling has me wishing I went through with it. I'd be lying if I said a part of me didn't want to try again.

I guess if you can make sense of this drivel, then first of all hats off to you. Second of all you can probably relate. If you can or if you've got any insight, I'd love to hear it. I'm seeing my therapist next Tuesday so I'm not short for help. I just needed to get this off my chest because it feels like it's eating me alive.

Thank you for reading, kind people of SASU. I hope y'all are having as good a day as you can.

 

[Doombox]

Sure, you have mixed feelings. I think that's normal. Sometimes there are crappy aspects to all choices. It sounds with you like giving it a shot is the stronger pull so go for it but yeah, it means having to accept the garbage that comes with life right now which is hard. But it could get better, I hope.