how do i know for sure I want to kill myself (2 almost successful attempts later including SN)

[thunderrous]

today is my deadline. im sitting with my pills and little bottle of SN i managed to save from the last time. i am 18, I've had two fatal attempts where I almost lost my arm, and almost my mobility in the second one. I've told 2 people (online friends) im going to commit, one went to sleep and the other blocked me. my family is asleep and I have got plenty of time before I am saved, hopefully. since my last two attempts were out of passion, it feels very unnerving to do it cold blooded. i know im suicidal, it's all I ever dream and think of but sitting here thinking about death has really got me cornered into contemplating my decision. i have successfully ruined my life in most ways possible and living everyday feels like hell to me. i guess I just feel scared of actual death. it'd be great to have some company while I make up my mind.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Hey, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you are SO young. When I was 18 I felt impossibly old and like my life was over and ruined. If I'd had an available method I probably would have done it. I'm not GLAD I didn't do it then, because, well, that would have been that. But I do know that life contains SO MUCH that I could never have imagined in a million years, back when I thought everything was ruined and over.

I can't tell you which way to decide one way or the other. But if your main reason is that your life is ruined, please consider that you have a very limited perspective, and you can't know what the future might hold.

I'm sorry you feel alone. Maybe you could call or text a hotline. It has helped me in the past to have a kind and non judgemental person to talk to.

 

[thunderrous]

Hey, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you are SO young. When I was 18 I felt impossibly old and like my life was over and ruined. If I'd had an available method I probably would have done it. I'm not GLAD I didn't do it then, because, well, that would have been that. But I do know that life contains SO MUCH that I could never have imagined in a million years, back when I thought everything was ruined and over.

I can't tell you which way to decide one way or the other. But if your main reason is that your life is ruined, please consider that you have a very limited perspective, and you can't know what the future might hold.

I'm sorry you feel alone. Maybe you could call or text a hotline. It has helped me in the past to have a kind and non judgemental person to talk to.

hey, i know my life will look a lot different after 2 years, but I do not have the energy anymore to face the extreme expectations people have from me in these two years,or fuck even tomorrow. I'm so tired and all I need is rest, but no one around me would ever take me seriously unless I am dead or dying