Help How do I convince myself to not ctb due to my ugliness

[ncmxm]

I just finished crying because of how I look

Today it's unbearable

I can't and I don't want to do anything because in my mind I'm like "no point in anything if I look like this"

How can I tell myself there is a point

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Seize the day, you're still young, so there is hope.

 

[Unhirable]

You can make money and get surgery, or at least hold onto that hope.

Everyone always makes the assumption that people who get cosmetic surgery don't feel better afterwards, but its actually not the case.

I remember hearing from one of the doctors that most of the patients who get cosmetic surgery DO feel better about themselves and many are satisfied and never return. There are only a select few who have mental problems and don't feel satisfied and keep getting surgeries.

 

[Pluto]

We live in a very strange society that makes out that looks are everything, even though there is so much more to life.

Great people who are remembered hundreds of years later are rarely known for winning beauty pageants but for their contributions to science, arts or society. The most beloved 'regular' people are those who touch the lives of those around them.

Unless they know what they are doing, people with extreme looks struggle to express deeper aspects of their personalities, being limited to shallower relationships and risking constant predation.

In saying all of that, it's guaranteed that other people do not share your perception of your appearance, especially not to the extent you describe. And of course there is plenty that can be done to feel better about yourself, such as focusing on health and fitness.

 

[ncmxm]

You can make money and get surgery, or at least hold onto that hope.

Everyone always makes the assumption that people who get cosmetic surgery don't feel better afterwards, but its actually not the case.

I remember hearing from one of the doctors that most of the patients who get cosmetic surgery DO feel better about themselves and many are satisfied and never return. There are only a select few who have mental problems and don't feel satisfied and keep getting surgeries.

I have been to two plastic surgeons already and both said that in my case plastic surgery was not advisable so I do not have that option or that hope anymore

 

[Unhirable]

I have been to two plastic surgeons already and both said that in my case plastic surgery was not advisable so I do not have that option or that hope anymore

For some kind of health reason?

You can still get love if you are a female/female-presenting even if you are totally butt fucking ugly so if you are a girl just forget about being ugly because it really, truly doesn't matter.

If you aren't then I am sorry.

 

[ncmxm]

For some kind of health reason?

You can still get love if you are a female/female-presenting even if you are totally butt fucking ugly so if you are a girl just forget about being ugly because it really, truly doesn't matter.

If you aren't then I am sorry.

Yeah basically because of something like this


Can I ask you why you think that? I've always thought women were judged a lot more for not being beautiful then men
I'm not saying life for unattractive men is easy, I just would like to know your reasoning, if you don't mind

 

[Unhirable]

Yeah basically because of something like this


Can I ask you why you think that? I've always thought women were judged a lot more for not being beautiful then men
I'm not saying life for unattractive men is easy, I just would like to know your reasoning, if you don't mind

Not having a relationship is like having a massive hole in your chest. Having a relationship with an attractive woman is like having that hole be filled up with pretty flowers. Having a relationship with an unattractive woman is like having the hole filled up with a bunch of rotten cactuses.

In the end the hole is still filled and you still feel better than the alternative.

Men have high sex drives so (some) will gladly spend time with ugly women if it means they have someone to cuddle, talk to and have sex with.


BASICALLY: Men who don't have that part of their life fulfilled will be happy to have it fulfilled in any way.

 

[Dot]

Attrctvness = subjctve

Also attrctvess = lke icng on cake - th/ cke mght look nicr bt = uselss if th/ cke undrnth = nt Njyble

Also whle attrcvenss mght b lke a short-ct 2 rlatnshps mnpen wnt sme1 wh/ care abt thm & mke thm feel seen as mch as a womn wld - b-ing sparkly on tbph/ outsde wll only wrk 2 limtd extnt-- am sre tht u hve mny gd qualties whch mke u lovble & wrthy

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Not having a relationship is like having a massive hole in your chest. Having a relationship with an attractive woman is like having that hole be filled up with pretty flowers. Having a relationship with an unattractive woman is like having the hole filled up with a bunch of rotten cactuses.
In the end the hole is still filled and you still feel better than the alternative.
Men have high sex drives so (some) will gladly spend time with ugly women if it means they have someone to cuddle, talk to and have sex with.
BASICALLY: Men who don't have that part of their life fulfilled will be happy to have it fulfilled in any way.

This is your viewpoint, definitely not everyone subscribes or would put it like that.

Having a meaningful relationship with someone definitely does fulfill a need and is generally better than the alternative of being alone, as long as the relationship is healthy etc. I would say that many people value someone's personality and how they treat them, over looks. So looks don't really matter, man or woman.

I would not say having a relationship with someone is like having that need filled with anything rotten. It's flowers and a high feeling either way, and can make anyone happier.

It's definitely not an easy life for anyone unattractive. Edit on: attractiveness is definitely subjective and I agree with the above poster @Pluto that even if someone thinks they are unattractive, there is guaranteed to be people out there that don't share that view and find them attractive.

So at the end of the day there is always someone for everyone. I don't really care that much about someone's looks, everyone looks attractive with the right personality. Agree with Dot, looks are just the icing, if someone is attractive but they aren't a good match then the cake is going to taste like shit. If you're kind already then the icing doesn't matter.

 

[Firegirl]

Listen friend, FUCK WHAT SOCIETY says is ugly or pretty! THERES NO SUCH THING! They lie to us and act like we'll be treated better if we look a certain way. At the end of the day, if you're 'ugly' you'll be treated like shit but you'll be respected for who you are inside! If you're 'attractive', you're treated like an object and nobody sees any true value in you! Either way its all bullshit! Let me tell you something, I miss being ugly! Nobody used me for my body or only cared about my looks that way. Life when you are ugly feels hurtful but its much easier and less empty i promise! And always remember people will only find you attractive once you find yourself to be attractive and start acting like it. Sending love

 

[Unhirable]

This is your viewpoint, definitely not everyone subscribes or would put it like that.

Having a meaningful relationship with someone definitely does fulfill a need and is generally better than the alternative of being alone, as long as the relationship is healthy etc. I would say that many people value someone's personality and how they treat them, over looks. So looks don't really matter, man or woman.

I would not say having a relationship with someone is like having that need filled with anything rotten. It's flowers and a high feeling either way, and can make anyone happier.

It's definitely not an easy life for anyone unattractive. Edit on: attractiveness is definitely subjective and I agree with the above poster @Pluto that even if someone thinks they are unattractive, there is guaranteed to be people out there that don't share that view and find them attractive.

So at the end of the day there is always someone for everyone. I don't really care that much about someone's looks, everyone looks attractive with the right personality.

You're wrong on multiple levels.

First off of all. It's not "my viewpoint." Most people NEED to have a relationship with someone else or they will feel sad and lonely. This is non-negotiable.

Secondly, looks matter for everyone and they matter more than they ever have. And attractiveness is not subjective.

I won't even bother explaining because I know you won't accept it even if you understood. It is blatantly obvious to everyone who doesn't blindly believe in false platitudes like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Good day.

 

[Firegirl]

I just finished crying because of how I look

Today it's unbearable

I can't and I don't want to do anything because in my mind I'm like "no point in anything if I look like this"

How can I tell myself there is a point

Oh and also, there is a point because once you see through the cracks of the bs we're taught in society, you realise its all about money-making. The beauty standard is made to profit off of people. That's it. There's no truth to it.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

You're wrong on multiple levels.

First off of all. It's not "my viewpoint." Most people NEED to have a relationship with someone else or they will feel sad and lonely. This is non-negotiable.

Secondly, looks matter for everyone and they matter more than they ever have. And attractiveness is not subjective.

I won't even bother explaining because I know you won't accept it even if you understood. It is blatantly obvious to everyone who doesn't blindly believe in false platitudes like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Good day.

You didn't read my comment.

 

[SarRy]

Being ugly isn't the end of the world. Don't waste time on what you don't have. Focus on what you do have. You don't have to do, or be, everything to everyone. What you can do is worthwhile. Not everyone in the world is good looking. You don't have to be. Yes, it will affect your life, but it doesn't define your life.

 

[ncmxm]

We live in a very strange society that makes out that looks are everything, even though there is so much more to life.

Great people who are remembered hundreds of years later are rarely known for winning beauty pageants but for their contributions to science, arts or society. The most beloved 'regular' people are those who touch the lives of those around them.

Unless they know what they are doing, people with extreme looks struggle to express deeper aspects of their personalities, being limited to shallower relationships and risking constant predation.

In saying all of that, it's guaranteed that other people do not share your perception of your appearance, especially not to the extent you describe. And of course there is plenty that can be done to feel better about yourself, such as focusing on health and fitness.

Thank you for your reply, however I am not intelligent or talented enough to be remembered for my contributions to science and art, and honestly I don't want to be the "ugly but kind" girl, that's a bit pathetic, like you're expected to be a subservient and always convenient slave to others because you're not as good looking as them
I would much rather be a beautiful bitch than an ugly but kind girl

I wish I could learn to enjoy life at least a bit despite looking how I look but apparently it is just not possible
I mean I have no desire to do anything because what is the point in participating in normal life when I'll always look like the abnormal fucking Quasimodo

 

[freedompass]

You can make money and get surgery, or at least hold onto that hope.

Everyone always makes the assumption that people who get cosmetic surgery don't feel better afterwards, but its actually not the case.

I remember hearing from one of the doctors that most of the patients who get cosmetic surgery DO feel better about themselves and many are satisfied and never return. There are only a select few who have mental problems and don't feel satisfied and keep getting surgeries.

Obviously the doctors are hardly going to cite their unhappy customers are they.

It's not necessarily mental problems causing the dissatisfaction. There are many horror stories of failed procedures resulting in disfigurement. Or that were simply disappointing. It's quite a gamble having surgery especially on your face. I'm not for or against it but let's just acknowledge when you go under the surgeon's scalpel you are taking a risk.

Listen friend, FUCK WHAT SOCIETY says is ugly or pretty! THERES NO SUCH THING! They lie to us and act like we'll be treated better if we look a certain way. At the end of the day, if you're 'ugly' you'll be treated like shit but you'll be respected for who you are inside! If you're 'attractive', you're treated like an object and nobody sees any true value in you! Either way its all bullshit! Let me tell you something, I miss being ugly! Nobody used me for my body or only cared about my looks that way. Life when you are ugly feels hurtful but its much easier and less empty i promise! And always remember people will only find you attractive once you find yourself to be attractive and start acting like it. Sending love

Good point, one I concur with. I'm 60 now and very relieved to be out of the meat market! As for 'we all need a relationship' (as in partner) or we will be miserable and want to die, that isn't true either. I've never had a healthy relationship in my whole adult life and in hindsight would prefer to have just abstained. Asexual, aromantic and voluntarily celibate people can have happy fulfilled lives.

OP if you are healthy and fit that goes a long way. You say looks are now more important than ever. Is that a good thing? Because the younger generation has discovered beauty filters, photoshopping (or whatever they do now), hours long makeup routines and so forth does that mean we all have to conform?

You are of course entitled to feel sad and discouraged about your looks or anything else. I won't give you the usual bs platitudes about being beautiful on the inside. No question, society is superficial as all hell. But there's no need to lie down and accept their dumbass standards as your own.

 

[Julgran]

Thank you for your reply, however I am not intelligent or talented enough to be remembered for my contributions to science and art, and honestly I don't want to be the "ugly but kind" girl, that's a bit pathetic, like you're expected to be a subservient and always convenient slave to others because you're not as good looking as them
I would much rather be a beautiful bitch than an ugly but kind girl

I wish I could learn to enjoy life at least a bit despite looking how I look but apparently it is just not possible
I mean I have no desire to do anything because what is the point in participating in normal life when I'll always look like the abnormal fucking Quasimodo

Basing your future life on feel-good - although well meaning - advice such as "looks don't matter", won't get you anywhere. Try to get out there - both in bars and use dating apps, and switch locations to other cities on those dating apps and see if you get some replies from people who you may be interested in.

Better yet - if you have a few friends - ask them if the know a single man nearby, whom you might be interested in.

Good luck!

 

[Night_Crew]

I'm sorry this has happened to you, it sounds really difficult. From my understanding, it feels like you are living a constant pressure to look a certain way and keep seeing yourself for the worst whenever catching glimpse of your reflection.

As an ugly male, I hate seeing myself in images (haven't had any taken for years), and mirrors (now removed where I can).

It may be that as a male, I get judged less on my appearance - at least outwardly/openly. I did however have a 10 year relationship with someone I thought was very beautiful, who at least, for a time, I believe may have felt the same about me.

Although I feel hypocrisy in saying this (as I cannot currently muster up the ability to do so), I would like to think that appearance and identity go strongly together. If you are able to form and hold onto a unique identity, others will hopefully associate your appearance with your unique traits, and there will be those that really do think you are beautiful in appearance as well. Perseverance is hard when at your lowest though :(

I just hope someone tells you they sincerely believe you are not ugly (in any way) sooner rather than later.

 

[ncmxm]

Listen friend, FUCK WHAT SOCIETY says is ugly or pretty! THERES NO SUCH THING! They lie to us and act like we'll be treated better if we look a certain way. At the end of the day, if you're 'ugly' you'll be treated like shit but you'll be respected for who you are inside! If you're 'attractive', you're treated like an object and nobody sees any true value in you! Either way its all bullshit! Let me tell you something, I miss being ugly! Nobody used me for my body or only cared about my looks that way. Life when you are ugly feels hurtful but its much easier and less empty i promise! And always remember people will only find you attractive once you find yourself to be attractive and start acting like it. Sending love

I know you mean well but I know for sure I wouldn't miss being ugly

Good for you and all that but I wish attractive people shit their pretty little mouths and stopped whining about oh how much more difficult life is an attractive person because we all k ow this is some mother fucking bullshit

Unattractive people aren't even considered fucking human

 

[lionetta12]

I just finished crying because of how I look

Today it's unbearable

I can't and I don't want to do anything because in my mind I'm like "no point in anything if I look like this"

How can I tell myself there is a point

My ex told me to die in August because I didn't have a six pack (my belly is flat) like his ex wife did. It really crushed me. I was finally feeling a little better about my appearance and then he ruined my confidence yet again. I had surgery and I've worked out so much to fix my body and my face in general, so to hear that I still was not good enough after that and to kill myself, I'm really just lost for words.

But I'm still here, I tried to CTB after it and all but it was so difficult. If people werent so negative and abusive for no reason, maybe I'd have confidence and feel good about my appearance again one day. Maybe I'd be happy after all my surgeries and hard work to fix how I look, if people could just be nicer.

Know that there's hope. You have 2 options, to eventually accept you for who you are or to get surgeries.

 

[ncmxm]

My ex told me to die in August because I didn't have a six pack (my belly is flat) like his ex wife did. It really crushed me. I was finally feeling a little better about my appearance and then he ruined my confidence yet again. I had surgery and I've worked out so much to fix my body and my face in general, so to hear that I still was not good enough after that and to kill myself, I'm really just lost for words.

But I'm still here, I tried to CTB after it and all but it was so difficult. If people werent so negative and abusive for no reason, maybe I'd have confidence and feel good about my appearance again one day. Maybe I'd be happy after all my surgeries and hard work to fix how I look, if people could just be nicer.

Know that there's hope. You have 2 options, to eventually accept you for who you are or to get surgeries.

Jesus Christ I'm so sorry

It sounds like he just said that to make you feel bad and insecure about yourself because he wanted to hurt you, and not because there's anything wrong with you

I really hope you can become okay with how you look or even feel good about how you look, I'm so sorry you've had to suffer so much because of how people treat you

 

[whywhywhy]

I just finished crying because of how I look

Today it's unbearable

I can't and I don't want to do anything because in my mind I'm like "no point in anything if I look like this"

How can I tell myself there is a point

1. Everyone is eventually unattractive the older they get
2. You still should have hope if you are a girl. Ive met many who I cant consider attractive who are already married with pretty decent looking people, believe it or not men dont value physical attractiveness as much as you may think.
3. Dont compare yourself to other people that seem happy, 50+ percent of marriages end up in divorce.
4. Try to focus your efforts in what you can control, hell fit girls are pretty attractive, face is just one part of the body. Also good hair style makes a big difference.

 

[theboy]

Remember the cliche: Beauty is subjective.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

We live in a very strange society that makes out that looks are everything, even though there is so much more to life.

Great people who are remembered hundreds of years later are rarely known for winning beauty pageants but for their contributions to science, arts or society. The most beloved 'regular' people are those who touch the lives of those around them.

Unless they know what they are doing, people with extreme looks struggle to express deeper aspects of their personalities, being limited to shallower relationships and risking constant predation.

In saying all of that, it's guaranteed that other people do not share your perception of your appearance, especially not to the extent you describe. And of course there is plenty that can be done to feel better about yourself, such as focusing on health and fitness.

I agree

 

[timf]

Consider the high school cheerleader who marries the high school football quarterback. In ten years she may begin to wish she had married someone with a sense of humor instead.

Age has a tendency to diminish the street value of looks.

Being unable to swim in the superficial waters of the vain and narcissistic may not be all bad. It might be a little like being thrown out of hell. On the one hand it is a little insulting, however, on the other hand, you're not in hell.

If you can cultivate other qualities such as humor, kindness, or compassion, you may find connection with someone at a deeper and more lasting level.

 

[Firegirl]

I know you mean well but I know for sure I wouldn't miss being ugly

Good for you and all that but I wish attractive people shit their pretty little mouths and stopped whining about oh how much more difficult life is an attractive person because we all k ow this is some mother fucking bullshit

Unattractive people aren't even considered fucking human

It seems that my message may have come across as callous and not understanding. I apologise because i did not mean for that. I know exactly how you feel because I was like you once, and in certain communities, i still am (I am not conventionally attractive). You have all my respect and understanding because I definitely do think life being uglier is more difficult. I didn't mean to invalidate that because i swear, i know the struggle! What i mean to say was that society is very hypocritical in how it lies about treatment. Objectification is still an hurtful way to be treated (even if it may be seen as better than being treated like nothing). So my actual point was just that being attractive wouldn't cure ALL your problems and that life is about a lot more than just that.

But alas I understand you friend, Like i said I've been there and I'm so sorry for everything that you're going through. Wishing you peace <3