Help How do I actually start loving myself?

[foreverandever]

Hey everyone. I'm sure this has been a fairly common topic on here, but I wanted to make a thread so I'd specifically be tied into the answers.

So, I deal with a lot of severe clinical depression. A massive part of that is an incessant self hatred. It really doesn't matter where I am, or what I'm doing. I could be home alone, trying to enjoy the things I love, or talking with friends, or just laying in my bed. I'll say something, think something, laugh about something, and then get an intense feeling of absolute hatred. Even writing this.

I'm sick of it. It's honestly one of the main reasons why I want to CTB. I've searched online for years, taken some therapy, read all sorts of books, and all of them tend to say the same basic things: use affirmations, practice gratitude, be around others that lift you up, don't isolate in your room, etc. I've tried it all and it just doesn't help.

So, any advice? Do I just need to keep trying the above? Or are there other specific ideas y'all have tried that have actually worked, if even just a little bit? Thanks for reading.

 

[uuser1412]

Try mdma? I don't know, try everything and anything. Something is bound to work

 

[doener11]

Firstly I just want to say I'm really sorry you feel like you hate yourself!! What worked for me is just thinking about it.. what's the point in hating yourself? Sure you can have reasons to hate yourself, some more than others, but does that actually mean anything? What does it give you? Hate naturally only leads to pain and suffering, so on yourself just makes no sense no? Well this is how I thought about it :P Idk if this really answers your question.. but I hope it helps you understand a bit more, iykwim.
It reminds me of that Einstein quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". You know they already don't work, so I wouldn't recommend just trying all that you listed again.. makes no sense.
Well the one thing from that which is actually useful (at least for me) is the 'finding others that lift you up'. It is harder to hate yourself when you know others love you!!<3
And what really made the hate of myself go away for the most part is becoming religious, Christianity came into my life only a few months ago yet I feel so much better about myself, yet ik most people are pretty against religion, but it worked so I thought I'd mention it.

I'd like to try my best to help you, and it is hard when I don't know why you hate yourself. If you feel free to share why it would be much easier to help :)

 

[foreverandever]

Try mdma? I don't know, try everything and anything. Something is bound to work

Sorry, what's mdma?

Firstly I just want to say I'm really sorry you feel like you hate yourself!! What worked for me is just thinking about it.. what's the point in hating yourself? Sure you can have reasons to hate yourself, some more than others, but does that actually mean anything? What does it give you? Hate naturally only leads to pain and suffering, so on yourself just makes no sense no? Well this is how I thought about it :P Idk if this really answers your question.. but I hope it helps you understand a bit more, iykwim.
It reminds me of that Einstein quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". You know they already don't work, so I wouldn't recommend just trying all that you listed again.. makes no sense.
Well the one thing from that which is actually useful (at least for me) is the 'finding others that lift you up'. It is harder to hate yourself when you know others love you!!<3
And what really made the hate of myself go away for the most part is becoming religious, Christianity came into my life only a few months ago yet I feel so much better about myself, yet ik most people are pretty against religion, but it worked so I thought I'd mention it.

I'd like to try my best to help you, and it is hard when I don't know why you hate yourself. If you feel free to share why it would be much easier to help :)

Thanks! I do have a small, but close knit group of friends who are all really, really kind to me. They're honestly one of the few reasons I'm still here. I just feel an intense amount of guilt around them. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden on all of them and I'll never be a good friend back. So it feels like a double edged sword.
I'm also Christian, and it's been a lifesaver as well. But I'm crushed by the guilt of my sins and my current lack of faith. I'm trying to regain that faith, but it's been a struggle. I know this isn't what I should base my faith on, and I'm trying to move away from it, but I feel like an outsider every time I go to church to worship. No one ever seems to even acknowledge my existence, which is rough.
I'm trying to just focus on praying, studying, and being more Christ like in my daily life. I'm just bad at all of it.
So, I guess the gist is that I feel like a burden to those who do acknowledge me, and invisible to everyone else. I've failed at everything in my life, and I don't see any hope for the future getting better. I just feel like I repeat the same stupid mistakes over and over again. I'm tired of being me.
Thanks for responding. I appreciate it.

 

[sinnrr-sistrr]

For me it was journalling. Writing all of my feelings and emotions down really got me asking myself why I thought certain things. The more I thought about those thoughts that seemed so anchored in my brain, the more it seemed like I could dismantle them bit by bit to see the real underlining issues, and it's rarely ever just "your fault".

Finding out what external factors were affecting me and in what way really helped me deconstruct the idea that everything bad happening to me was my fault, and once I did that, it was much much easier to love myself.

Even after all of this though, I still struggle with keeping my self-esteem afloat. It's hard, but I believe in you, as much as I now believe in myself!

much luv~

 

[MapleS]

Try to be forgiving to youself, understand why you feel rhings, why you do things as you would with other people
journal. You can write there that you hate yourself but try to understand why
some people hate themselves cause they are not genuine- they hate the mask not themselves
Allow yousef not to hate youself in the first place

 

[webb&flow]

Dr. Alok Kanojia (HealthyGamerGG) has some great great videos on this :).





I highly recommend you take a bit of time and work through these videos :). You don't have to watch them all in one sitting. You can take 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there; sometimes over food, maybe while you're waiting for this, or a bit free after that, wherever space of energy and time in your life allow .

 

[Forever Sleep]

I also found that forgiveness was helpful- forgiving yourself mainly. So- if you behave in ways that make you cringe later- try to figure out why you feel so uncomfortable but, forgive yourself for feeling that way. Rather than berating yourself. You didn't choose to behave awkwardly or, to have social anxiety.

I also remember reading a book by Paul McKenna that said- probably correctly- we can be so cruel towards ourselves. Imagine someone random on the street saying sonething out loud what we often have playing as our inner critical monologue. We likely would think they were a bully and rude. Yet- we tolerate it when we do it to ourselves.

Is there someone you can think of who you know loves you? Can you try to picture what they think of you? What things they love about you? Can you try to start reasauring yourself with that voice?

If you find you repeatedly do things that you hate- maybe try to stop doing them. Whilst I hate this about the world, when I did have to be around people, working on my appearance made me feel less uncomfortable around them.

How much of this do you think is triggered by social anxiety? Do you hate yourself as intensely on your own? I guess it may help to try to pinpoint what things fill you with self hatred the most. Is it fear of being judged by other people? Is it fear of inconveniencing them? Is it anger towards yourself- that you aren't living up to your own expectations or, expectations others have of you? Have you internalised other people's criticism of you?