Discussion How did you view suicide BEFORE you were suicidal? #14

[MeltingBrain]

Experiences can change world-view .
Did it happen to you ?
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You can find previous polls here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meltingbrain-all-polls.123887/
Part of : https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...st-at-least-1-poll-daily.123125/#post-2051973
DailyPoll
#14
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[MeltingBrain]

Why are so many people voting other ?

 

[MrDarkness]

I never cared that much for suicide, idk I just felt nothing towards, I felt like it was just another way to die. Idk, in grade 9 when I was extremely depressed, I also thought of suicide with a warm glow to it, a warm feeling, I still feel that towards suicide

 

[Suicidе]

I was taught to look down on it by religious indoctrination, but in reality I was too afraid to form opinions and truly express myself out of fear of social repercussion.

 

[alexithymia (JJ)]

Why are so many people voting other ?

Other: I thought it was sad stupid and illogical

 

[Praestat_Mori]

To me it was always clear that suicide is an option I would consider under certain life circumstances. (Always: pro-choice)

 

[hhh_]

i guess i just thought of it as an option that was always there and to an extent i understood why people did it before actually becoming suicidal myself

 

[suicidalloser]

I was always suicidal.

 

[MeltingBrain]

Other: I thought it was sad stupid and illogical

Why so ?

 

[liljeep]

I must've thought something about it, since when I was only 11 I agefaked to be a listener on 7 Cups Of Tea (where actively suicidal people would come to talk despite the rules saying they were not a hotline for that). I think mainly I just didn't want anyone to do it if I could prevent it, but I did not think about whether it is 'right' or 'wrong' to do. I just cared about people surviving whatever it was that drove them to consider it and wanted to save whoever I could. I do remember thinking terminally ill people should have the right to die by assisted suicide. It isn't right to force someone to live out the rest of their days in pain, knowing they have no chance of surviving it anyway... they don't do that to dogs or cats, they euthanize them.

 

[chloramine]

I didn't really think about it I believe? It's hard to remember. I first clearly remember wanting to die when I was 10 and I don't think I was really exposed to it before then? Maybe in media somewhere, but I was definitely never viscerally horrified by the idea or anything.

 

[MeltingBrain]

I first clearly remember wanting to die when I was 10 and I don't think I was really exposed to it before then?

Did you ever find out why you felt that way at such a young age ?

 

[chloramine]

Did you ever find out why you felt that way at such a young age ?

My family wasn't great and my brother who was the most important person in my life was moving. Him leaving was the trigger, but looking back it was the one thing too much not the thing that caused it. There's a large family history of depression and dysfunction of varying types so I was probably genetically predisposed in some way and my environment didn't do anything to combat that.

 

[getfree05]

I was suicidal from a really young age but I saw some people who were against it but got suicidal , like they would get in alot of arguments with me and tell me how selfish I'm for thinking this way but yea now they know how it feels

 

[MiraiShisen]

I was always afraid of it, because you have to go through serious shit to do it, just this one thing is enough. I did not understand why people do it when I was younger because I just was not aware how things can go wrong to push people to do it. Its just sad part of life.

 

[Elliana Berriana]

I understood why people commit suicide to some extent, and I thought no one should have to suffer so much that they didn't want to live, but I also thought people having such thoughts should seek help, and shouldn't take their own lives. I still think that to some extent, but I understand suicide and the reasons behind it a lot more, and why someone would not want to get help. Suicide isn't the answer to anyone's problems, but sometimes, people can't find another answer.

 

[Nervosomnifer]

I was religious and my confession kept me in check.. Everything seemed so simple, so black and white. Suicide was a straight road to hell, while suffering seemed to be a necessity, a key to eternal bliss. You just had to believe, simple as that..

Hah, turns out that forcing belief onto you once you change is nigh impossible. It's sentimental, visceral. As soon as I lost grasp onto faith, everything just spiraled down into madness and desperation, out of control. I just couldn't "feel" the confidence the same way. Don't think that I can return to my faith ever again..even though such simple outlook on the world really is the only solution other than cessation of life to my situation..

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that I've never really wished to exist here, I've always found comfort in death as I very strongly believe we just cease existing and to me that's true peace. As soon as I was aware of what suicide is, it was always understandable to me why people would choose to leave, I could never understand those who actually wish to exist here, wishing for non-existence is all I know.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i never thought about it bc i was suicidal before i even knew what suicide was

 

[outrider567]

I always thought of it as something that I would never do, but some people(like myself) are not psychologically prepared for extreme and sudden loss

 

[Sweet Tart]

I always thought it was a possibility for me and was fascinated by any cases I read about. I romanticized it as an adolescent, especially since some of my favorite poets had ctb.

 

[Badatlove]

I tought I understanded people that did ctb, and I would also like doing it one day maybe if I would get to much pain.. Thats kinda the first memory I have about it And memories of always being fascinated by it.

 

[aticeret]

I don't remember the time when I wasn't suicidal.

 

[Parasitic]

Before I was suicidal I lived in some stupid candy land so whenever I thought about it I just questioned "why would anyone want to kill themselves, I don't understand why people would not want to have sweets or enjoy video games" then when I had my eyes opened and realized how much of a hell hole we live in mixed with different issues that happened throughout my life led me to think why didn't I CTB before

 

[LifeisDark]

When I was younger, and before I had ever considered the idea of CTB, I was deeply religious, being brought up in a fundamentalist Baptist Church and the Mennonite Faith, suicide was considered one of the most taboo things you could do. It was instant hell for you if you did that, because how dare you want to take your life when God himself gave it to you. All life is special and all that wonderful absolute bullshit. But then I grew up, and I saw the world for what it is. A dark, empty void where suffering is guaranteed and true pleasure is for those that can buy it.

 

[MeltingBrain]

When I was younger, and before I had ever considered the idea of CTB, I was deeply religious, being brought up in a fundamentalist Baptist Church and the Mennonite Faith, suicide was considered one of the most taboo things you could do. It was instant hell for you if you did that, because how dare you want to take your life when God himself gave it to you. All life is special and all that wonderful absolute bullshit. But then I grew up, and I saw the world for what it is. A dark, empty void where suffering is guaranteed and true pleasure is for those that can buy it.

I was religious and my confession kept me in check.. Everything seemed so simple, so black and white. Suicide was a straight road to hell, while suffering seemed to be a necessity, a key to eternal bliss. You just had to believe, simple as that..

Hah, turns out that forcing belief onto you once you change is nigh impossible. It's sentimental, visceral. As soon as I lost grasp onto faith, everything just spiraled down into madness and desperation, out of control. I just couldn't "feel" the confidence the same way. Don't think that I can return to my faith ever again..even though such simple outlook on the world really is the only solution other than cessation of life to my situation..

Yikes ! Pure evil what people are indoctrinated with . Sorry for both of you .

 

[vitbar]

Pro-choice for all adults. Still I find the idea of doing it without illness uncomfortable, but ultimately stand by it being a right.

 

[todiefor]

I'm ashamed to say now, but before this I thought suicide wouldn't never happen to me, and I think I was raised to believe it's selfish and cowardly and cruel to their loved ones. But I also did always believe that it is everyone's individual choice and we shouldn't judge harshly, I can't imagine anyone just ctb without having suffered tremendously and thought of the consequences. I also did always feel sad and sad for their loved ones.

But now it's me. Shit happens in life and I can't handle it

 

[ares0027]

When it comes to religion, sex, gender, life, or anything really, my motto is "if they are hurting absolutely noone (excluding themselves) AND aware of the outcomes and accepting responsibility in a calm manner, who the fuck am i to decide or even comment on their choice?"

 

[leavingsoon99]

I've been suicidal since I was around 8. At least thought of not existing. Before that? I really don't know how I felt about life.