Story How did you make peace with the fact you're going to hurt loved ones/family?

[ChildrensITV]

Luckily, the way they gloated in my face or mistreated me helped, but I still love them.

I guess I just had to face facts: I could exist miserable for them or put myself first. That's the situation as simple as I can put it. I suffered enough. I have battled enough. I am weary. I am facing mental health issues now cuz of how long I stuck around. It's time to call it a day. Anyone who looks at my life objectively can see that it didn't work out. There is little fixing it. It's just time to call it a day. Somebody had to. Also I hate my life but I love myself too much to let me live this indignity for any longer.

 

[SexyIncél]

Same way so many loved ones made peace with the fact they hurt you?

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Oh I just don't care about that

 

[goodbye_._]

It took a long time but I think I've completely accepted it. Same as you most people have hurt me but there is some friends and family who haven't. I feel pain for them but I'm almost never selfish so I think I can get away with it this time.

 

[NambaSutra]

I think they'll get over it. They don't really know me anyway. And they'll die someday of something so in the long run nothing matters.

 

[AVeryLazySloth]

I haven't, that's why I am still around.

 

[Heroinluverr]

I don't have any so I'm good literally not a single human would notice or care which is weight off my chest

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, death and loss are just an inevitable part of life, we all have to cease existing and lose everything someday and anyway whatever happens in this world after I'm gone could simply never be my concern. Nobody is obligated to continue existing and suffer for the sake of others, if people don't want to deal with loss then they simply shouldn't procreate.

 

[SilentSadness]

At the end of the day suffering is inevitable, my family will suffer regardless of whether I'm dead or not. I just think it's unfair that I should have to stay here in pain to give some people a little comfort. I don't see ctb as hurting loved ones, for me I don't really have loved ones anyway but the suffering is caused by life itself and not the victim. If this society wasn't so brutally pro-life then my death would be more peaceful for everyone, at the very least it could make living more bearable. Unfortunately this society is structured around suffering as much as possible for some delusional aspiritions.

 

[yive]

i don't care, it's not my problem and not my fault

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm still working on making peace with it honestly, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. The fact is, I'm doing this no matter what, so the best I can do is tell them in my suicide letter that this was my decision and my fault. If I take all the blame, then no one else has to feel guilty right? That's what I'm hoping anyway.

 

[outrider567]

Easier when you're older and you have no kids--All my family is dead

 

[nonialabaster]

I'm still working on making peace with it honestly, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. The fact is, I'm doing this no matter what, so the best I can do is tell them in my suicide letter that this was my decision and my fault. If I take all the blame, then no one else has to feel guilty right? That's what I'm hoping anyway.

I've gone back and forth about leaving a note, separate from my contact information details. I'll probably end up leaving one. Who knows?

I do know this: My dad won't take my calls anymore. I offended his wife a couple of months ago and was told to apologize to her if I ever wanted to talk to him again. I did call her and apologize because I was so desperate for human contact. I didn't mean a word of the apology, but I missed my dad. Now, he's back to ignoring my calls. So, I just don't care about that anymore.

My 35-year-old daughter (from my first, very young marriage) is a classic Narcissist. She keeps trying to make my husband's (her step-father) death last year all about her, telling me I'm selfish for still grieving him. "What about my loss, Mom? I loved him, too! You act like you're the only one hurting!" Fuck that noise. My daughter never lived with Mark and me. They met when she was seven and saw each other maybe once a year, until she moved to our city when she was 31. Mark never trusted her, but tolerated her. So, I won't have too many worries about that.

 

[Menschenmühle]

You don't, the guilt will always be there

 

[PersonaNonGrata]

I'm another who hasn't and that's why I still exist. My parents are both great people but well into their 60s now. When they (and my dog) are gone, it might be easier for me to let go.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'll probably end up leaving one. Who knows?

Do you have friends or family members who might care enough to read your letter? There isn't much point in leaving one if everyone's abusive to you like your daughter and your dad have been, but maybe someone else can benefit from it. For me, I don't have very many people I care about, but I do come from a really big extended family.

I'm sorry you lost your husband. You have every right to grieve, regardless of what anyone else says.

 

[dingokettle3531]

I'll be dead so what does it really matter?

 

[nonialabaster]

Do you have friends or family members who might care enough to read your letter? There isn't much point in leaving one if everyone's abusive to you like your daughter and your dad have been, but maybe someone else can benefit from it. For me, I don't have very many people I care about, but I do come from a really big extended family.

I'm sorry you lost your husband. You have every right to grieve, regardless of what anyone else says.

Thank you. It's been so hard.
I tend to write a lot, so I might not be able to resist.

I'm assuming my dad, when he finds out, will lament that I'm going to Hell. He's one of those Trump-loving fake Christians. We have had a contentious relationship for years, because I don't appreciate his racist jokes and other views on myriad things. His wife is worse than he is. She'll tell everyone that "She is killing her Daddy! Why didn't she think of him?"

But, no. They wouldn't read a note. My daughter will immediately write an obit for me, making it all about her. She'd edit the note, taking out the parts that don't mention her, even though there wouldn't be any. She'd be left with a blank page!

I'll leave, in my contacts letter, some phone numbers for my friend, Diane, to call, along with a short note for her. She knows what I've been through, though I have not told her my plan. And I don't plan to.

If she's unable to do it, I'll leave a copy for my landlord. He's been renting houses for more than 20 years, and I'm sure this won't be the first time someone has died in one of his properties. I'm a list-maker who needs all the boxes checked, if you know what I mean.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm assuming my dad, when he finds out, will lament that I'm going to Hell. He's one of those Trump-loving fake Christians. We have had a contentious relationship for years, because I don't appreciate his racist jokes and other views on myriad things. His wife is worse than he is. She'll tell everyone that "She is killing her Daddy! Why didn't she think of him?"

Ah, he's one of those guys. You'd have to be really lonely to interact with him then, even if he was willing. I wonder how much of what he believes come from his wife though. Did being with her enhance his views, or was he always like this?

But, no. They wouldn't read a note. My daughter will immediately write an obit for me, making it all about her. She'd edit the note, taking out the parts that don't mention her, even though there wouldn't be any. She'd be left with a blank page!

I'll leave, in my contacts letter, some phone numbers for my friend, Diane, to call, along with a short note for her. She knows what I've been through, though I have not told her my plan. And I don't plan to.

If she's unable to do it, I'll leave a copy for my landlord. He's been renting houses for more than 20 years, and I'm sure this won't be the first time someone has died in one of his properties. I'm a list-maker who needs all the boxes checked, if you know what I mean.

I'm sorry you don't have better people in your life. It might make the whole death thing easier, but it makes being alive worse. Hopefully your friend understands when she reads the note. I'm sorry you're dealing with so much shit that it makes you want to leave, but I get it. I made a list of my own so I can cross things out as I go.

 

[Challu]

If I live for their sake, I'll just live a hollow life. I have nothing that I want here. I don't know why my siblings don't feel the same as I do.

 

[Galileo3630]

I don't have to, my girlfriend doesn't care if I live, she only cares if I bring something to the table, such as having a driver's license or a job to pay our bills. And my Mom is not a concern either. When I was self-harming, cutting myself, all she said when she saw the scars was "Don't do that" and walked out of my room with no further comments, no "Getting help" talk or anything, just that one single comment

 

[poa.alpina]

I won't be there to care so it won't be my problem anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[nonialabaster]

Ah, he's one of those guys. You'd have to be really lonely to interact with him then, even if he was willing. I wonder how much of what he believes come from his wife though. Did being with her enhance his views, or was he always like this?



I'm sorry you don't have better people in your life. It might make the whole death thing easier, but it makes being alive worse. Hopefully your friend understands when she reads the note. I'm sorry you're dealing with so much shit that it makes you want to leave, but I get it. I made a list of my own so I can cross things out as I go.

Dad has always voted Republican and would joke that his vote canceled out my Mom's (She always voted for Democratic candidates, but never talked about politics.)
I was the outlier in my family. I proudly put a Dukasis/Bentsen sticker on my Camaro. That turned some heads, living in West Texas! My dad never said a word. That was my first time to vote, and I've never voted for any candidate who wasn't Democratic.

After my dad retired to the Hill Country, about 20 years ago, his current wife, Sheila, went to live with him. He got meaner and the racism intensified.

The entire eight years Obama was President, whenever I talked to him, he'd make these "funny" jokes about him. Awful things that I will not repeat here. Now, he's a full-on Trumper. I'd tried to remind him of what a joke Trump was in the '80s. Then he started in on Socialism. I asked him, "Dad, do you know what Socialism is?" He started cursing at me and hung up the phone. My sweet husband was at the computer, and when I looked over at him, he was slowly shaking his head. He said, "That is not the way to approach these situations, Lori. Try asking them what they believe Socialism is and what it means to them." I miss his guiding hand.

 

[cogmachine]

by hopefully staging it as an accident. at least they'll get over it eventually. i would rather see them wonder about what could've been than see what will actually happen (they'll get disappointed by how i became).

Same way so many loved ones made peace with the fact they hurt you?

if they even do remember. most of them forget the words that stung you so hard, or feel too awkward to mention it, thinking you'll forget it / already have forgotten.

 

[Deleted member 31858]

Realizing they wouldn't care. And I'm fine with that now. I'm just worried about what will happen with my puppy.

 

[DarknessAndDespair]

We have to put ourselves first. What's the point of living just to please others. They can see I am in agony so why should I keep myself alive just for them, aren't they selfish? I didn't ask to be born in the first place. So they will have to deal with it the best they can.

 

[KatzeK4]

About a year ago or so, I would've never thought of killing myself because of my Familiy. I loved them too much. but now, a year later, I do not feel anything. my mom knows I'm cutting myself and just cried for 4 minutes on the phone before never talking to me again. she didn't even take my razors. and she knows I want to ctb but still doesn't ask where I'm going when I'm going out in the middle of the night alone. since then u just think she doesn't care. the only reason I'm alive now, is because of a friend. ofc I love my mother and family, but I have found peace with ctb

 

[Blackroom_57]

I'll never make peace with it.

 

[Borgrot]

This is the one for me. The one that's holding me back. I know they'll all be better off without me but I know that doing it will hurt them beyond measure.

You'd think after all I've done, the amount of times I've let everyone down or said hurtful things or been just plain *wrong* they'd realise how much better their lives would be if I disappeared permanently.

But they won't let me. There are gossamer threads of incredible strength that are keeping me here. I hate them for it. I love them for it.

 

[LikeAPendulum]

While I do regret the grief my extended family will feel, they are a whole world away, and I don't know them that well.

My own parents are a case of an immigrant dream gone awry, and I really had no other family member other than my mother after the shitshow they had of a divorce. Even then, shes not the best person, and I think the divorce screwed all of us in the head in some way. She lives in denial of everything bad that is or has happened. I'm just going to be delivering the karma that has backed up on her all these years. Without me, she will lose all purpose in life.

I've heard people always tell people like me that I need to pull myself up, that I have my own responsibility. Well what kind of message is being sent to me when so much thats out of my control has thwarted my own attempts to rise from ruins and live a life?

I made up my mind 4 years ago, and I'm determined to die with what little purity i have left.